12/15/21

The Desire to Belong: Lozada-Oliva’s Multimedia Exploration of Identity

Amid detective stories and commentaries on mid-20th century politics,
Lozada-Oliva’s writing, centering on the experience of being a second-generation American,
immediately stood out. As a child of immigrants, her description of having simultaneous desires
to assimilate to the predominant culture and to embrace her parents’ cultures (and ultimately, a
desire to simply belong to and be able to identify with one of those cultures) especially resonated
with me. What struck me the most was the contrast between reading and hearing her poems, and
how each form brought a new perspective to her writing yet conveyed the same message—for
example, I found her speaking voice to be more assertive than her writing voice, which seemed
more timid. My paper will compare the differences and similarities in the two forms of poetry,
and how her more casual, almost stream of consciousness tone contributed to the sense of
desperation to belong and the dissonance between her and those around her: both her
Guatemalan mother and her American friends. As well, the devices often used throughout her
poems, such as the inclusion of Spanish or Spanglish words and phrases, the use of irregular
punctuation for emphasis rather than for clarity, and how the themes she focuses on in these two
pieces specifically connect with each other and with the ulterior theme of identity and belonging.
I’ll discuss how her poetry compares to her nonfiction writing and to Sandra Cisneros’ writing,
which she names as her hero in one of her interviews. My biggest challenge will be finding
secondary resources for the historical context of these poems, as her writing is based less on a
specific time period and more on a specific experience. I certainly have a lot in terms of analysis
on the poetic form, her spoken performance, and the themes of the poems themselves, but I will
have to work on backing these opinions up with other sources as well as situating her writing
within historical and cultural context.

12/4/21

Sacrificing a Language

“My Spanish” reflects on Lozada-Oliva’s relationship with the language as she grows up, and as someone in a similar situation as the author, the opening and closing stanzas stood out to me the most, especially “…my Spanish is an itchy phantom limb. / It is reaching for words / and only finding air” (2-4). Though my parents spoke almost exclusively with me in Spanish when I was young, I switched to English soon after beginning school and began to lose my familiarity with Spanish, something I initially regarded as unimportant since we would only speak it at home. As I grew older my inability to connect with my relatives in Mexico pushed me to relearn the language, though I found that I was missing the ease with which I once communicated, and every sentence was a struggle to form in time to keep a conversation⁠—this in turn resulted in me speaking less in Spanish when I could, despite knowing that practice would only improve my fluency, because I felt that sticking with English was easier.

Though I knew that my parents had undoubtedly struggled with the same thing when learning English, it wasn’t until much later that I realized how much effort they had to put in on a daily basis. The end of the ninth and tenth stanzas, where Lozada-Oliva questions their identity as Americans, and then comments on her parents’ accents, also resonated with me for this reason. In an English-speaking country where an accent can be associated with status, I felt a bit sad to think I was so willing to let go of my heritage and my closeness with extended family in favour of what I used to perceive as the more important or relevant language⁠.

12/3/21

Hidden metaphors

When I first listened to/read “How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse as an 82-year-old Guatemalan Grandmother” I understood the zombie part of it as it was: a grandmother trying to save herself in an apocalypse. But when I started talking to Conor in the small group discussion, he brought up the idea that maybe it’s a metaphor for the grandmother escaping her abusive husband.

Lozada-Oliva describes the woman as a grandmother, but it could be that she’s also referring to her as a younger woman trying to fight society and the toxic people around her. She packs up her things, says goodbye to the bird, gets dressed, and leaves her apartment to become a “warrior” (5). If this is what Lozada-Oliva meant to do, it’s very interesting that she would tell this all at the age that the grandmother is. I found that it added humor to the narration, especially in the verbal version of it: “go back into your apartment because you forgot your diabetes medication” (4).

The connection to the escape from her household is clarified in the 5th stanza of the poem where her strength and dedication to leave her home is described. She was a woman who immigrated to the United States and had to get through many hurdles, including the language barrier, education system, and then alcoholic husband. Despite her mother’s and society’s disappointment, this woman is able to prove herself and put a meal on the table every day for her children.

In the final few lines of the poem, she talks to her granddaughters and maybe even women in general when she says “I’m coming girls”. This could also be an inspirational message to women who are in similar situations to the protagonist, telling them that they too can “push back their sleeves” and make it through anything, even a zombie apocalypse.

12/3/21

Beware of Miss Abuelita

After reading Melissa Lozada-Oliva’s poem How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse as an 82 year old Guatemalan Grandmother, what really popped out to me is the constant repetition of the red scarf that the Abuelita wears throughout the narrative. At first, I did not really pay attention to it, but after analyzing the content in which the red scarf appears I believe it used to represent something more. I believe that it was interesting that the scarf was the color red and mentioned for the first time after Abuelita spilled the blood of her husband with her knife. It seems to me that the scarf is used in the same way that warriors in some tribes and some gangs have the tradition to wear (or modify) their bodies with) something that symbolizes the number of lives they took. Hence, I believe that the scarf is the symbol of her strength and that she killed her opponent. It marks a new era in Abuelita’s life since it appears right after she discarded the thing that was holding her back. During her fights with the “zombies”, she never takes it off. Rather, she wears it in front of her where it is on display for them to see. It marks her as a warrior, one that is willing to fight and kill what stands in her way towards her goal. Her scarf marks her identity; that she is no longer innocent and she is no longer the prey. Instead, Miss Abuelita is the predator. 

12/3/21

My First Language

Lozada–Oliva’s poem reminded me of my experience with my first language. For context, my family moved to Canada when I was 3 and my first language was Slovak. I eventually stopped speaking it at home (most likely when I was around 8-9 years old) and I am now no longer able to speak it.

If I were to try to speak it, my first language would be grasping for words that would never come. They simply don’t come to mind. Even if I knew the right words, I wouldn’t know where to begin when it comes to putting them in order or conjugating verbs. I’d be reaching out for knowledge that seemingly doesn’t exist. Even the most simple sentences seem impossible to say. I’d be able to say more in languages that I’ve actively tried to learn and/or have taken classes in.

But if I were to hear it, I would understand a decent amount. And if the grammar was very off, there’s a decent chance I might notice. The knowledge that seemingly doesn’t exist, in some ways, actually does. To me, it is not a language that I see/hear in the media, in writing, or from anyone outside of my family. To me, it is little memories and fragments rather than a way of communicating.

12/2/21

Spanish as a living being.

The poem “My Spanish” by Melissa Lozada-Olivia brings into life “Spanish” as more than a language. From my personal view, I interpreted the poem as full of emotions and  very attached to the author’s heritage. Spanish is not only a language, it goes beyond that. She portrays Spanish as a living being who at the same time has grown up with her and has accompanied her during her life journey. Yet, this companion becomes distant with time and the bond between her Spanish and her  seems to be  getting weak since Spanish is becoming a memory of a painful past of her parents. Therefore, I believe she expresses Spanish as an identity that is becoming a shadow, yet, this shadow will never abandon her fully because her heritage cannot be erased. I found beautiful the fact that Melissa gives personification to Spanish to emphasize her roots and how relevant in her life it became. Personally, I found very touching the way she gave life to it, addressing it as if Spanish was a living being. In addition, the emotions were so powerful and moving. All her poem is very rich in metaphors that offer even more symbolisms and representations of “Spanish” beyond limits. Overall, I think “My Spanish” is a powerful poem carried with deep emotions.

12/2/21

listen up!!!!

I wanted to talk about Lozada-Oliva’s spoken word/slam poems for this weeks’ blog post! I loved listening to her pieces in class, because the ways in which viewing the poem versus reading the poem changed the tone of it really stood out for me. Without her intonations, her facial expressions, and even the way she looked around the room at her audience, as well as the shape of her mouth and her particular pronunciations, the *fire* of the poem was gone (in my opinion). Reading the poem on paper gave it a more “somber” tone, and I found myself moving through it at a much slower pace than how Lozada-Oliva read it; the voice inside my head interpreted the poem to be monotone, serious, and much more “flat.” In fact, I had to read it several times in order to grasp what she was saying – in the spoken poem, her underlying “theme” was more evident, simply because of her supercharged presence.

This all made me think about how the genre of slam poetry really is a productive site for making highly charged political or emotional claims. Literature, essays, articles and presentations are effective to an extent – but imagine only READING Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech, instead of hearing him SPEAK it out loud! (alternatively, imagine if professors just posted the transcriptions of all their lectures…) There’s something powerful about the way we can manipulate tone, the cadence of our voice, etc. to produce a response from an audience, and while the written word is powerful, I think the spoken word is more emotive and affective – for those willing to listen.

12/1/21

My Chinese

Lozada–Oliva’s poem “My Spanish” imparts foresight to what future generations of Chinese might experience here in Canada as well. This is particularly relevant to me due to being a first generation Chinese, Canadian citizen myself. Unlike the author, instead of being born in Canada, I moved here with my family when I was just five years old. In these 14 years in Canada, I have lost so many aspects of my previous cultural practices and traditions. Even now, the loss of the foundation of my original spoken language speaks volumes to the length at which it is lost. Due to this poem, the previously unfathomable thought of the next generation’s personal identity struggles are now in light. Therefore, I emphasize and understand Lozada-Oliva’s struggles and grievances as a 2nd+ generation of Hispanic American, although it may be at a different level. I struggle with the answers whenever someone asks me if I am fluent in Mandarin or Cantonese because I honestly do not know. Just like Lozada-Oliva, my language is a worn out photo of the past. Half of it muscle memory, and the other half gobbled up by the media that I consumed.  Yet, I still remember like a foggy memory of the past, shining like the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is merely the start. 

12/1/21

Luiselli’s take on the Essay

Comparing the style of work we have seen previously throughout this course, I believe the Q&A essay format to be a powerful tool in communicating facts with historically accurate detail while also providing an emotional, human take on the realities faced by children going through the immigration process.

While the Essay as a format lacks a pre-defined structure the choice to incorporate Q&A allows the reader to place themselves within the process and understand the suffering that these children face. Further it allows for the author to incorporate her own experiences into the essay.

The ability for the author to interject with her own experiences and thoughts is often used to add comedic relief, breaking up the often sad, and tragic stories of the children she meets. This is further used as a contrast to the these stories, further eliciting an emotional response from the reader.

The flow of the Q&A allows the author to jump around in both time and place, piecing the story together from multiple perspectives while maintaining a logic flow for the reader.

Together these aspects of Luiselli’s take on the essay create a powerful piece that effectively delivers her message to the reader.

11/27/21

Luiselli Style

Luiselli has a unique writing style that is unlike any other author we have seen thus far. Luiselli uses humor to relieve tension in the text. Whenever the novel covers a disturbing or tragic piece of nonfiction, there is almost always some kind of humorous jab to go with it. She speaks of irony, giving the reader time to laugh and think, then proceeds to describe the irony in immaculate detail. By doing this, Luiselli stalls the reader long enough to then make them less sensitive to the tragic content that is the target of the irony. Furthermore, unlike other authors, Luiselli does not leave much to be read in between the lines, she tends to extrapolate so much that even the least critical reader has an extremely easy time to understand the points she is trying to convey. She pours out all of her thoughts and feelings of the topic at hand throughout the novel; thus,  it is like how the reader is looking into a glimpse of her mind. The reader, captivated by what she thinks and what she thinks others think, is then pulled into the story that she is trying to portray, the narrative that she is attempting to tell. Although Luiselli’s writing style works wonders for the readers that actually read it, the form is not the best for attracting new audiences or keeping the reader involved, since it is very long compared to other short stories we have read as well as how Luiselli goes off in a tangent of long sentences just like the ones in this post.