To: Mitchel Sharko, Student
From: Spencer Lee, Student SL
Date: October 26, 2015
Subject: Review of your memo to Evan Crisp
After reading your memo to Evan Crisp regarding the writing style in his email to P. Lambert I can see that you have a good understanding of the you-attitude style of writing. Below you will find my review of your memo in which I review both your advice on the you-attitude as well as your own use of the writing style in the memo.
Overall Impressions
Your memo to Evan Crisp is well formatted and provides good advice regarding changes to his writing style that would make his future messages more likely to receive a response.
Writing Style
- Your memo does a good job using the you-attitude style of writing to strengthen your points and show the benefits of your proposed changes to the reader
- In your fourth point “Be human” try to avoid listing negative words, instead suggest some positive adjectives that could be used instead.
- Your “Show appreciation” and “Demonstrate proper etiquette” points begin as if they were continuations of a paragraph which read oddly as bullet points.
- You do a good job of emphasizing the benefits of using the you-writing style in both your introduction and conclusion.
Content
- It is good that you mention the you-attitude explicitly in your message as it gives the reader a term to search if they wish to gain more information.
- Your points are well organized and descriptive.
- Your first point “Don’t be self-centered” does a good job of summarizing the you-attitude before going into more detail in later points.
- Some of the advice you give does not seem to apply to Evan Crisp’s message. For example in “Be positive” you say not to talk about feelings except in condolences or congratulatory messages. Although good advice I do not see where in the message Evan Crisp talks about his feelings.
Spelling and Grammar
- Introduction sentence 3: “This” should be “These” as you are referring to several practices that will help influence the reader.
- “Be positive” sentence 2: “feeling’s” should be “feelings”.
- “Be positive” sentence 3: “your” should be “you’re”.
- You should avoid using contractions in your formal writing.
- “Be positive” sentence 3: “readers” should be “reader’s”.
- Conclusion sentence 1: accidental repetition of “help” in “The tips above will help not only help you in…”
Final Impressions
Overall your memo is well formatted and contains good advice that will be useful to anyone struggling with writing polite, professional messages. You clearly have a firm grasp on the you-attitude writing style and are able to identify how it will help strengthen the writing of others.
I hope you find my review helpful. If you have any questions or comments please do not hesitate to contact me.