Author: Jessica Chang

CONVERSATIONS ON AUTHENTICITY

Just Starkers

Everything from poling a punt on the Thames to chasing trains in Southern France, Barbara’s got an impressive adventure resume. One event in particular stands out as a life-defining move.

“My travel companion and I had just checked into a hotel in Verona. She had already had a wash and was lying on the bed. I’m at the sink having a wash and all of a sudden she says “We’ve got to get out of here!” The chandelier and windows were shaking and we take off for the door and she doesn’t have a stitch of clothing on, nor do I. So there we were tearing out of our room just starkers. Crazy, man.”

As it turns out the shaking was due to Terremoto del Friuli, the 1976 Friuli earthquake. In hindsight, flying out of the room in the nude seems like a small price to pay to survive a building collapse.

 I’m gay, is that going to matter?

In her fourth year at the University of British Columbia, Barbara wrote a paper for an ‘Abnormal Psychology’ course. The topic of choice was lesbianism. Awash in research literature, Barbara had her Eureka moment. “There I was reading all about it and a light bulb went off. This is me.”

Impermanence is Not Insignificance

Having been together for 26 years, Barbara and her partner had their share of memories and adventures. Even though they are no longer in a romantic relationship, Barbara still wears their twenty-fifth anniversary ring as a reminder of the time they had together; a subtle salute to an old love; a quiet acknowledgement of the past because impermanence does not equate to insignificance.

“I got cancer and I decided I wanted to be happy. That was me going away from the relationship.”

Shining a Spotlight on LGBTQ Issues

How one film sparked a dialogue on elderly LGBTQIA issues in New Westminster.

 Along with Century House staff (past and current), Barbara flew out to the 2011 Aging in America conference in San Francisco to present on Century House’s Notable 90s group. Cutting-edge in its inception, the presentation of the Notable 90s group at the conference brought awareness to a new reality; increasingly, the population is living with vitality… well beyond 90 years of age.

While the main focus of the trip to San Francisco was to present the Notable 90s group, the conference also afforded Barbara and Century House staff the opportunity to watch the award-winning documentary Gen Silent. Directed by Stu Maddux, the film depicts a new issue in the so-called ‘progressive’ age: out of fear of being discriminated against, members of the elderly LGBTQIA are going back into the closet for the sake of their healthcare.

Reflecting on how Gen Silent resonated with her, Barbara tells me:

“You spend some chunk of your life pretending to not be gay, laughing at the gay jokes basically and then you get to a place where you want to be honest with who you are. But when you’re older and in a confined area where you don’t have the control… you don’t want to go back to that [pretending].”

Determined to bring the conversation home to New West, Barbara and the manager of Century House spearheaded a movement, culminating in a public viewing of Gen Silent at Century House with 200 people in attendance. This event brought exposure and focus to the topical issue and became the catalyst for the founding of Century House’s very own Senior Gay-Straight Alliance (SGSA).

The Senior GSA now meets on a monthly basis and is an invaluable community resource, giving seniors a safe space to be their authentic selves.

Jessica Chang

Historical Belonging

“There is a connection. My connection to New West is that I was growing up in Winnipeg… my grandparents retired to New West in 1945 and I was only ~8 years old when they moved here and I was really, really close to my grandmother so every summer I would come to New West and stay with them. I came here every year till I moved here until I turned 18 just to be with them. So, that’s my connection to New West.

The interesting part about that for me is that we were French-speaking people so I didn’t speak English. I learned to speak English here in New West. I remember looking out the window onto Eighth Street. There were huge houses, apartment blocks and trees, and learning to speak English. It started off reading the Kellogg’s cornflakes box.”

“These are my babies”– Margo

“My daughter is really interested in the family history and she wanted to check the graveyard certificate. We went to look for their graves, both my grandparents, and we couldn’t find it because they were Catholic and French-Canadian and there’s a little segregated section in the regular graveyard for the Catholics and the French-speaking.

So, my daughter did find out from the death certificate that my grandmother died on Christmas Day. This year, my daughter went and put a beautiful wreath on her grave for Christmas for the very first time.

This interview is but a glimpse into the mind of Margo Prentice. Her business card reads actor, director, comedienne, and writer.

[My grandparents] owned an apartment on the third floor where the Lions Moody Park Tower is. When I decided to retire here myself, I felt historically that I belonged here because of my connection with my grandparents. And the precise place that they owned – the apartment block – which is now Lion’s Tower, I applied there. I kept applying, and applying to be there. I felt historically that I had a right to be there. Finally, I succeeded and I had a lovely place on the 9^th floor.”

Jessica Chang

Meeting Madame Molly

Upon first meeting Molly, I was struck by how formidable she seemed. You see, Molly walks with an air of having seen it all and done it all. Her very presence demands your attention. Since I’m a young woman who lives a sheltered university life, I shook her hand and wondered how we were going to connect. We seemed worlds apart – and in truth we are generations apart. To my great surprise, the formidable Madame Molly turned out to a jovial, charming woman.

As our conversation progressed, it became clear that my initial impression of having just met a woman who has lived a full life turned out to be unquestionably true.

While Molly grew up in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Molly has since lived in 5/10 of the Canadian Provinces: Manitoba, Ontario, Alberta, Saskatchewan, and finally British Columbia, where Molly has lived for 46 years now.

The Biggest Influence on Molly’s Life: Maternal Altruism

“The biggest influence on my life would be my mother. We didn’t ever exchange angry words — we never had a disagreement. I was always my mother’s girl and my sister was my father’s. We always had a perfect relationship. She was really kind. She just cared about people in general. Somebody in the neighborhood was having a problem of sorts she would go and help out. She didn’t have any enemies. That was a great influence on my life.”

December 1957

“I was living in Calgary and starting on Dec 2, we rented a house and seven of us [twenty year old girls] lived there and we just had a blast. We knew how to party.”

Surprisingly, this roomie situation was the spark that lit Molly’s first marriage. On December 22^nd her boyfriend had popped over for a visit, took one look at the place, and decided he needed to take a stand.

He then proclaimed “I’m going to lose you if you don’t come home with me. We’re going to get married right now,” and they got married January 11^th 1958. Together they had a daughter and divorced a year thereafter.

 “God helps those who help themselves. Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Molly’s favourite quote 

With her daughter, Molly moved to Winnipeg where she re-married. Sadly, her first daughter only lived to be six and a half years of age when a fatal pedestrian accident took her first daughter’s life on April 4^th 1962. Soon after, Molly moved to BC.

Her second marriage ended in 1970 but gave Molly four other children. Molly’s parenting philosophy stems from that of her mother’s: “My relationship with my children stems from love and respect.” Accordingly, there are zero fights in Madame Molly’s household.  Moreover, Molly’s children don’t swear or allow their friends to swear in her company.

As Molly’s sister likes to joke, “her kids seem to think she’s a saint!”

Eventually, Molly’s experiences brought her to Vancouver Community College where she earned the necessary qualifications to work as a divorce recovery counsellor. From 1992-1994, Molly worked hard and obtained a stellar GPA. Pictured below is Molly’s transcript.

For more information on Molly’s workshops that help people make the transition from divorce to singlehood please refer to these articles by the New Westminster Record  and the Burnaby Newsleader.

On The Importance of Friendship

“I try to keep in contact with all my former people – I always think that the people who were important to you in the past should be important today. I’ve always kept my friends for the long run.

So, I have a pretty big phone bill”.