Thursday, Thirty-Two Minutes Past 12 O’Clock, Post Meridiem
Mother,
I am not capable of engaging in this activity. The infantile Canine Lupus Familiaris, who is identified as Oscar, is in the process of consuming and annihilating all that surrounds this domain. Your younger daughter, commonly referred to as Georgia, however for the remainder of this correspondence shall be referred to as G, is currently in the introductory stages of increasing levels of hysteria. In addition to the chaos that has ensued, I have begun an emotional display of weeping lament; a physical representation of my woeful predicament.
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