UBC LLED367-302 2016

Robert Boberson
808 Bobber Street,
Bobtown BC,
B2B4B6

Dear Robert Boberson

I am in receipt of your letter of June 10, 1998. Although I am honoured by the privilege, I respectfully request that I be excused from jury duty.

I am currently employed by BBB International Incorporated of Bobtown. As a small firm, my employer will be unable to pay me during my absence for jury duty. Simply stated, my financial position will be severely affected as a result. I will be able to forward a statement from my employer if you so require.

I trust that you understand my position and excuse me, thus, from jury duty. You may contact me at 888-8888 if there are any concerns.

Sincerely,

Belinda Bloom
——————————————————————————

Wassup Bobby?

Got ur message. Nice of u to think of me but I can’t come bro. Sadface. :(:(:(
Work doesn’t pay me shit to go take down some asshole in court. (Srsly. I’m broke as shit right now, u feel me?)
U got my deets if u need to call.

Brunch soon?
Ciao,

Bel

Yo Geoff AKA 27045058

WELL DONE MOTHAFUCKA!  You got in! But only if you pass that one course your dumbass forgot to take. Your so close to being chosen to pay us a lot of money to get a piece of paper that maybe gets you a job that doesn’t even pay you that much

Just incase you forgot what course you promised us you would take: ENG 316.

Finish it by the end of this summer or better luck next year.

Your codename is 27045058 and will be needed for registration.  When you call us, use this code name because we don’t care about your real one at this place. Take this offer or go through all this shit again next year.

Just incase you forgot your name:  Geoffrey G Bawden

Just incase you forgot your code name that we told you a second ago:  27045058

Just incase you don’t know what year it is:  2016-2017

Just incase you forgot what you signed up for: 1 year express train to a low income but rewarding teaching career

What you think your good at:  English

YES OR NO?

We don’t care one way or the other but let us know if your coming or not so we can take money off someone else

REGISTRATION

You will get some instructions that will tell you when and where to pay us @ http://www.teach.educ.ubc.ca

Before we let you register you will have pay us and you aint getting that shit back if you change your mind. ***Pay us within 2 weeks or don’t bother*** Give us money @ http://students.ubc.ca (Don’t even try sending us a check)

Register by your registration date or risk being stuck with a low rated rateyourprofessor.com professor. Were giving you 2 weeks to register or you might not get in but you probably will cause we want your money

(IMPORTANT SHIT) Registration date:  May 13, 2016

Because you got nothing better to do and  because we can, you will have to register not once but twice: once in Winter 16 and once in the Summer 17

YOU A CRIMINAL?

All students going to teach the youth of today must get the POPO to check your bitch ass out. Even if your coming back for Round 2 we still need to know if you’re a fuck up and your paying this shit this time cause we aint going to pay for you twice. Weve tossed in some instructions incase you’re a total dumbass. Even if you’ve been let off the hook because of your rich ass parents you better speak the truth @ http://teach.educ.ubc.ca/students/forms/practicum-placement/secondary (but don’t bother cause your still a criminal and you def arnt getting into this fine ass school)

EXTRA SHIT

You want to teach in your hood then hit up this link: http://teach.educ.ubc.ca/students/forms/practicum-placement/secondary/

To waste more of your time do this bullshit survey @ https://survey.edudata.ca/es/bed-admissions-survey-2016/ for an impossible chance of winning $100 bucks towards paying for one book

Welcome to UBC!!

– CB (FOR LIFE)

Thursday,  Thirty-Two Minutes Past 12 O’Clock, Post Meridiem

Mother,

I am not capable of engaging in this activity.  The infantile Canine Lupus Familiaris, who is identified as Oscar, is in the process of consuming and annihilating all that surrounds this domain.  Your younger daughter, commonly referred to as Georgia, however for the remainder of this correspondence shall be referred to as G, is currently in the introductory stages of increasing levels of hysteria. In addition to the chaos that has ensued, I have begun an emotional display of weeping lament; a physical representation of my woeful predicament.

Original Text:

O God!
My dearest Rebecca,
Gaze upon her posterior
It would appear she is intimate with one of those hoodlum poets
The behemothic proportions of it!
but, alas, who could hope to understand such a mind as a poets?
Would they waste a breath
if she wasn’t seen as though a lady of the night?
Ah, her derrière!
Its circumference, vast
Reaching up to the heaven’s above
The thought, repulsing
But I must look
The shade, ebony

Original Text

Oh, my, God Becky, look at her butt
Its just so big, she looks like
One of those rap guys’ girlfriends.
But, ya know, who understands those rap guys?
They only talk to her, because,
She looks like a total prostitute, ‘kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big
I can’t believe it’s just so round, it’s like out there
I mean gross, look
She’s just so, black

From Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot

OH SNAP!

Throw them doves in the air PD because we got chu!

First things first, are you in or out playa?

Second, is there heat that we should know about?

Third, holler back about our survey.

Finally, scream our gang call, CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME (C.R.E.A.M.)
Get that money, dolla dolla bill yaaaaaalll!

You got the juice now son.

UBC Media Release: Dr. Santa Ono to become UBC President and Vice Chancellor.
Original text: http://news.ubc.ca/2016/06/13/ubcs-15th-president/

VAN-CITY – Dude is really good at medicine and school and now UBC is saying he’s gonna be the new boss!

He’s been the president of like a million things so you know he’s gonna kill it.

And he’s JAPANESE, so that’s cool. You should follow him on twitter though, he’s actually a really good guy.

I asked him what he thought now that he got this job and he was all “UBC is the shit. People there are super smart, super eco, and its right by wreck beach! I’m so stoked to be the prez there!”

Also his dad used to work at UBC so you know how he got the job. All the other big wigs at UBC got together and were like, yeah he’ll be way better than the other people who wanted the job.

OH! Did I mention he plays the CELLO? Daaaaammn!

Seriously though, the head honchos all thought this guy is so good at thinking and really, that’s what UBC is all about. Thinking good.

Prez Piper is out of here at the end of June and Ono isn’t coming until Aug. 15 so they got Dave Farrar to hold down the fort til then. I saw what they said to Piper and they were like “OMG THX SOOOOO much for coming back. We promise it won’t ever happen again!”

AND 

(BUT ONLY IF U GRADUATE LOLS)

SO PICK YA CLASSES

HAND OVER DAT MULA

GET YO CRIMINAL RECORD CHECK 

DO UR PRACTICUM SHIT 

DO OUR SURVEY 

AND WELCOME TO #UBCBEd2017

*my primary email used to be my work email which is where my acceptance letter went. I don’t have access to it anymore. I switched everything over to my personal mail which is where I later communicated with Claudia Buffone as there was a name change issue and she couldn’t find some of the documents I sent in. My student number was under my maiden name but application was under married name – despite the fact that I tried to change this through Brock Hall SEVERAL times!

Claudia: Hey babe! Ya coming to da club or what? Girl, stop being such a bitch and return my texts already. Me and the other girls got mad squad goals tonight. We all lookin on fleek and you gotta ride with us! I gotta sweet ride here and I gotta notha bestie wantin to chill if i got room.

Claudia: Homegirl, ya in jail or somethin? Doll, use yo phone call and gimme a holla. I ain’t send you the VIP flyer fer nothin.

Robin: Yo girl! I totes not been able to find ma phone. I’m so basic. Respeck to yo otha bestie but I totes don’t get her aesthetic ya know?

Claudia: It ain’t no thing. Give me yer addy. Don worry bout ma otha girl. She’s totes shipping hard right now. She be good.

Claudia: Rollin through yer hood. I totes google mapped ya.

Hai gurl HAAAAI!

YAHOO! Looks like you’re coming to hang out with us, but only if you get some of your shit together. You’ll be chillin with some wicked peeps.

But wait, you gotta do a few things to be one of us (one of us. one of us)…

• FINISH YO DAMN DEGREE! and do it by August, foo.

You have some digits that you now are. You ain’t you no more. YOU IS DIGITS. Hey – you also can’t show up next year and say “BRUV I BE A TEACHAAAA”. Show up this year. Yea hear?

You:  Caitlin Brianne Funk

Yo digits:  31959002

Time:  2016-2017 Winter Session Year 1

What we be learnin’:  Bachelor of Education – Secondary  (Vancouver 12 Month) program 

What you good at:  Major in English                                  

You’re now one of us. HECK YESSSS