Congrats on getting in Chica! Hope you know it will be a very pricey year, where you’ll be dishing out some big smackaroons. Hope your psyched to teach some bratty teenagers in what we at the TEO like to call Hormonal jungle. You do have a student code (xxxxxx), use it or you’ll be pretty lost. Don’t forget to say yes to our money grabbing program. See ya on campus this September.
Be there or Be Square
Your Home Girl
C.Buffone
suh Rusko,
CONGRATS GURL! you totally got into ubc, FR. #yeet #lit #PMHT. this ❄️ u r going 2 learn how 2 teacher at ubc’s high school teacher school in vancity.
here’s ur student#. u need it 2 sign up 4 courses. if u need 2 get back at us, u also need that #. u can only go here 2016/7 so don’t go trying to go here next year. zeen?
u gotta let us know yah or nah with a form (PFA). get it back to us by 2 weeks from now strict, no later or u can’t go here. bible.
lates,
Claudia Buffone
Yoooo Singh! 😀 😀 😀
Hey heyy heyyy! Congratz gurl! Ya ain’t gonna believe this eh but hey, the UBC squad put ya in our system dude! Memba when ya applied to the education or sum sorta cohort or whatever??? Yeah dude, ur in now like for a year or sum sort.
So yeah like we strict maann, we all have like numbas or something for kids here! Like here yours 12345678 -copy it eh, memorize the freakin’ digits dude! Ya must member t’ hit the accept button and if ya forget, w’ll kick ya outta the system, k? Now thas some big truble there, ya know.
You’ll be takin’ classes or whatever right, so yeah hit the register button and pick whatever ya need for like your whadya call it the thing majig oh yeah, cohort or whatever. Hey and uh there’s a date there too, ya know like to register, yeah it’s umm, May 13th or some sort I think.
And ya know, we don’t wanna have those bad guys and gals flyin’ round d campus screwing people up, you get the point dude? Member to get that check or whatever for those bad guys, whadya call that thing a majig, oh yeah –criminal check or sumfing k?
Congratzzzz Singh! See yaaaa Septembaaaa!!! 😉
Call us or shoot us a text if ya get in truble or whatever,
UBC Squad
Education People
12345 in Vancouva
604-123-4567
Fax: who cares
The head honcho of UBC with a green light from the grand poobah got word from the arts posse and kicked down major props and a legit B.A. for C-beezy
Our word is bond yo
Original text….
The Chancellor of the University of British Columbia with the approval of the Senate upon the recommendation of The Faculty of Arts has conferred the degree of Bachelor of Arts on Christabel Sidney Shaler
In Witness Whereof and by the authority duly committed to us we have hereunto set our hand and seal
Heyo Nico!
W00t w00t! Supah stoked 4 u! A huge StARs HoLLa! ur in! UBC 4 life? #realdeal #thunderbirdlife. Ur in for more books and books and books, cause ur gonna be an English teacher!
Ur new name is a number, that number is 3827194817329, don’t forget, u’ll be screwed, u need it. Don’t wait, cause there’s a buncha people who’s money we want coming up real close behind u. If u wait 2 long u’ll have to give us even MORE sweet delicious money.
In case u forgot, here’s ur name.
Dat number again: 21347892387507
When? Friggen now
Stuff ur doing: book-learning for big kids
Ur special @: BOOKS
Ya or nah?
Get back to us asap or we’ll forget you exist and then, you guessed it, more delicious honey sweet money for us.
Registration: blah blah blah figure it out. By May at the latest k?
Crimcheck? Gotta make sure ur not a weirdo. I mean we’re checking anyway, but like don’t be a douche. Look both ways before you cross the street and all that.
Good luck and thanks for all the moneys!
Chiggity-check ya later!
Fancy smart people,
Fancy smart learning place
JAZZY FIZZLE,
GRATZ BRO bout time u made it to the UBC BEd par-tay busssssssss so you better not fuck this up. Time to leave those UVic scumbags behind AMIRITELADIES!?
BUT we won’t let you on the bus just yet. B4 you show up you best be passin’ ENGL 432A cuz we don’t want u witout it.
If u ain’t no HOOLIGAN let the PO-LICE tell us by fillin out dis form then PAY UP 5-HUNDY BIG ONES so we don’t let someone else take ur spot on the party bus.
While ur at it fill out this survey to win some CA$H MONEY (u not gon win, but do it anyways).
Stay lit,
TEO
J.HO,
Wtf, you’re coming back for a sixth straight year HAHAHA. Don’t you have a life??? But I think you like me. Looks like you might be coming back for a BEd (not bed– joke’s on you lol). From the sounds of it, you like reading stuff written by dead guys… it’s pretty damn hard. (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID).
If you don’t pass ENGL 309 and 494A, you’re screwed. Floaters, you better grab a life vest.
You should damn well know your student number, cause how the hell have you been here for 5 years without it? You better lemme know for sure if you’re coming back. And you better pay up, cause mama didn’t raise no bitch. Or else you can’t sign up for classes. Like please, might as well go to SFU at that point LOLOL!
You damn well better not be a crook or be one of those idiots that do stupid crap and end up on @SCANBC, cause if you are, you can just GTFO. But you can fill this thing out if you wanna win some $$$. Might as well cause you’re gonna be broke 😉
FRIENDSHIP.
YOOOOOO IT’Z LIT!!!!!!!!
GUESS THE FUCK WAT!!! UOENO DOE. Y’ALL JUST GOT ACCEPTED INTO ‘U’ TO THE ‘B’ TO THE ‘C’, FAM TFFF. MAN, THAS UP THERE THO, U FINNA MAKE US PROUD RITE?! Tenderrrr
U GON’ HAVE A BLAST THO!!! MEET ALL THESE NEW G’S AND SHIET YO. No new friends tho amirite? jokes tho, time to get ~TURNT~!! Anyway, u in da ENGLISH squad. GIT DAT SHAKESPEARE THO!! U gon’ be on that grind all week rite? n then save summa dat codeine lean fo yo squad on the weekenz doe aight ;)) MAN, YOU WILIN’ STR8 FUEGO!!
Accept dis letter aight? Don’t even be playin’ us bih, u goin’ HERE. Not SFU lmao wyd, foh widdat fufu shiet tho. 330SERP BRO??
We gonna be coppin’ summa dat “DE PAW ZIT” ca$h just in case u tryna be all crazy n shiet later on.. it’s like $500? Don’t even trip fam, it’s all wavy baby~
Register the fucc up bro, don’t be swervin’ on us now. We gon’ need that seat, A$AP Rocky naw’m say’n? Ahaaa *dabs* rly tho give us the $$$ or y’all gonna catch these hands..
Also, u best not be some kinda creep or part of sum drug cartel aight? No criminals in dis house, FAM AND O.G.’S ONLY!!! Legitimize urself fool, damn.
FINALLY. Fill out dis survey shit cuz’ we mite just give u 100 fat ones on us to the BOOKSTOOOOORE!!! HYPE AFFF!!!
U IN!!!!! IT’S GON’ BE DOPE, FAM. TRUST 100%. MAKE HARAMBE PROUD!!!!! BE ON THAT GRIND ALL DAY ERRDAY!!
DEUCES.
xoxo
$$$TEO FAM$$$
Yo Racanelli,
Congrats! I’m stoked to tell you that your request to get into UBC has been sort-of accepted. You’ve been kind of accepted to the BEd program for high school (in Vancity for a 12 month program) for 2016-2017, with your theme being English.
You can get into the program, but only if you finish what is written below. If you do not pass these 4 courses, you are in big dog shit.
You have to pass these 4 easy ass courses: ENGL 1001, 4321, 4241, 4341.
Here is your student number. You will probably need that to register. You have to use this number whenever you’re talking to the school. This offer and all the things we are telling you in this letter is only usable for the 2016-2017 winter period and if you choose to not come to UBC, well, that is a poor choice on your part. You also need to be prepared to spend a shit ton of money on tuition, books and all that other crap that we tell you that you need.
From down to the tired occasion of power. One beg of the most fortunate, prickly classes will exercise influence to its own existence. Mine led a government which is inclined to believe that a monarch will always be able to convert legal practice to religion.
