UBC LLED367-302 2016

Sneaking towards the nurse, the baby breached
function in the ER, sinisterly swiping. “AUGH!” the nurse
yelled out loud. “I need to be more careful with my phone.” She started swiping too quickly on Tinder.
About me – “The yellow banana’s frozen.”
“Check out the bellboy, DAMN,” she yelled.
“I totally don’t want his aid,” as she drooled over him
and spilled her bottle of beer.

Being FBI, problems associated with bragging have been under investigation, (wowza!).

Daily, someone “pleads guilty” to something.

This one guy was caught with his hands in the cookie jar, if you know what I mean.

He had to pull out of the cookie jar, immediately.

“Well, that wasn’t hard at all.” The cookie jar said.

But bragging about it will get him into a mound of trouble.

Shooting at homeland security seemed like a good idea

“Wa-wa wee wa!  Get out of here Turkey”

“Body scanner!” he shrieked,

“Hop on my joystick of life”

Blow up the hard drive

“You were great,” she said dryly.

She was the queen of the veiled insult.

Breaching the barrier

inside the airport makes me go “whoo!”

“That body scanner was lit,” he cheered.

It scanned the piece of meat between his legs.

Go down, he thought to himself. The meat was bone dry.

“I don’t know, can you?”

He went down, on a herd of goats.

Icing Red Cross

Wow Momma! In the hot oven?

“Yo dude! You are so sick,” a voice slurred as he stroked the bottle.

Move on to the dogwood tree!

“Wow! I love trees, exclaimed the lumberjack rolling his eyes immediately after.

Drink a glass of wine.

Thirsting for the attention that has been stolen from you for – SHOTS FIRED!!! *BOOM* you cut down all the power lines in the power grid.

“Honey, I parked the car,” shouted she.

But did you go back in or head in?

Oho, Check out that food bank

“Food banks, the only banks that don’t rob you.”

It was the worst of times.

Walking away from the Drug Enforcement Agency, I thought, “SHIT! I should have taken that bag of flour out of my car!” I groaned, “I knew I would forget it!” Just then, I wished my sieve brain had allowed me to remember a condom. That could have solved all of my problems. After all, it was too late to make out in high school.

“Fucking great,” I muttered. I’ll be dealing with this for the rest of the semester.

(All dirty ideas courtesy of the dirty minds of JN, SD, KR, CS, RA.)

Shooting a picture of my dog, I saw police exercising
with grannies. Shit! I’d never seen such a sight.
“We Must seek revenge!” She screamed.
She started to sweat
as the police took down the details in his notepad.
I was so sure he was writing something intelligent
I thought as I scooped up a pile of shit.

Breaching baby.

“Yikes! Let’s go.”

“The drool is everywhere!” she yelped.

She drowned in a sea of disgust.

“Shut up,” she hectored, “jerkstore.”

“Yeah REAL nice, thanks”

It was the caviar or fuck ups.

Shooting a video about a hostage by the store,
I heard “SHIT” and a BANG as a beautiful man stumbled by.
“That hurt!” he exclaimed painfully.
He was a large unstoppable stallion.
Get up and brave the minefield of smiling faces.
Yeah, as if I’m going to go do that. It was the worst idea of the bunch.