It’s funny that I’m giving relationship advice on the internet. Partly because I don’t consider myself an expert in romance, but mostly because every couple is different and there is no one correct way to do things. All I can really share is my own experience, so here we go!

I went on exchange last year and had a great time, while staying in a long-distance relationship.

The night before I left, I had a small panic attack when I realized I had NO CLUE how to do long-distance, so I sought help from one of my friends, who is now in year four of a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend in Guelph, Ontario. He told me some valuable things that I will now share with you.

1. COMMUNICATION. Sounds like a no-brainer, but putting in effort to communicating effectively will make your life a lot easier. Carefully choose words to communicate your own feelings, as well as any concerns you may have. A relationship where both parties are open and communicative fosters trust, which will give you less stress and a lot more fun and relaxed relationship.
2. LOWER YOUR STANDARDS. You can still have a lot of fun, but the relationship aspect of your life probably won’t be as good as living in the same place. You love them! Of course it’s nicer when you get to see them every day. The good news is: it might be worth it. Once you move past trying to recreate the intimacy of being in the same place, it can be really valuable to have a support system at home that will love you from afar and hear your stories, and understand what you’re talking about when you get back.
3. YOU CAN’T BE A BIG PART OF EACH OTHER’S LIVES, and you need to be ok with this. When you live in the same place, you know pretty much everything about what the other person has on their plate. You know their friends, you know what they’re currently exited about, you know what’s stressing them out. When you don’t see them in person, you miss out on most of this. Skype is great but there is no way you can remember everything that’s happening for you or fully convey your mood, and to tell every minute detail would be a boring anyways. If you can accept that your partner can be a small, very nice part of your life, without coming into every aspect of it, it will make room for friends and events in the same place as you, and be way more fun.
4. YOU MIGHT OVERREACT, but that doesn’t mean you have to over-respond. Little things can turn into big things when you don’t know the full story, and some detail could make you angry, jealous, worried, feel neglected, etc. If it isn’t something that obviously needs to be dealt with right away, give it 24 hours to settle in and for you to calm down. Approaching your partner with a plan for what you need to say, what the problem is, and how you want to solve it is much more productive than a sudden skype session with you in a jealous rage because they commented on someone else’s facebook profile picture instead of responding to your 15 paragraph message. Odds are you’ll realize it was silly anyways and move on.
5. YOU MIGHT BE WRONG, SO KEEP AN OPEN MIND. This one is a great life and relationship skill in general, and works in a lot of ways for when there’s distance involved. The stereotype of long-distance relationships is that they don’t work, but in my experience they often do! Be open to both possibilities, and keep expectations realistic. Being apart can also change the dynamic of a relationship, so anticipating some bumps and surprises for both while you’re apart and when you’re reunited can make it easier.
6. IT CAN’T LAST FOREVER. A relationship is like a savings account. You can put all you want in there when you’re together, and the more awesome stuff you do together, great things you discover about each other, and good feels you share in each other’s company, the longer that account can last. The thing is, once you live apart you can no longer add anything to that account. It can last for a long time, but no relationship-account can last forever. Eventually you need to be together to start investing again.

There you have it. Best of luck in your romantic and travelling endeavors!

 by Britta Antonsen