Chinese/Canadian

Sweat dripped from my nose. One arm crossed over my head, awkwardly grabbing the nearest pole. Toes gripping hard at the small piece of stair I fought to keep. Face centimetres away from the dala dala conductor, his breath on my cheek. Super overstuffed dala dala in a traffic jam; nothing new anymore.

“You teach me some Mchina language.” The conductor stroke up a conversation with me.

“Mimi sio Mchina. I don’t speak Chinese.” I automatically replied.

Before you bash me about not being proud of my roots, yadayadayada… I have to make a disclaimer – I’m equally super proud of being Chinese, being Canadian, and being pretty snarky and dismissive about these labels.

When I’m travelling I almost always say I’m Canadian, though. Why? For the shock effect. I love it when I see people getting confused as to why I look Asia yet say I’m Canadian. I love to, in a silly way maybe, dispel the myth that Canadian equals Caucasian.

Of course, once you get to know me, you’ll know just how “Chinese” I can be when I want to. And just how fast I can flip the “Canadian” switch. I see no contradiction and I see no need to define myself in either category.

A few months ago, I heard a presentation about cultural identities. Apparently the new trend is to say Chinese/Canadian instead of Chinese-Canadian. My Chinese-ness and Canadian-ness fluctuates depending on situations and moods. I’m not always half-half. I can be 99% Canadian and then 99% Chinese and everything in the middle. I like this new trend.