I have to admit, I’ve been a bit complacent in my life in Dar.

I know most of the streets where I need to go. The speed bump with the largest hole is over there. The road turns a bit dark in that corner so never walk there alone at night.

I know how to communicate basic daily needs. Greetings (that is a basic need), buying food, making up fake stories of fake husbands, asking directions, eavesdropping, telling people I’ve lived here long enough and don’t appreciate being ripped off.

I know people I like hanging out with. I know people I don’t like hanging out with; and purposely avoid. I’ve become a fast judge of character for new people I meet, but always interested in seeing if my opinion would turn out wrong.

I know when there is a slight hesitation when people answer your questions, you should take the statement and change it to the opposite meaning. “Is it possible to get my letter today?” “Yes…of course” means that you would have no chance in getting the letter.

I know how no plan of how fast things can be done will actually happen. If they do, treat it as a miracle.

The simple happiness of strangers congratulating my Kiswahili doesn’t seem so glowing anymore. The curiosities of stepping on the street and observing people out of the corner of my eye doesn’t fascinate as much anymore. Even discovering a new place to hang out, a new hole-in-the-wall with good food, a new temple, a new street to wander doesn’t give the same rush as a year ago.

I think my itchy feet are starting to itch again. I need to move on. Find something new, something interesting, something I don’t understand. Daily occurrences that make my head tilt and eyes bright.

Granted, I know full well I do not know many stories of the city. I do not know how the vast majority actually live. I try, but I will never fully know. I know that if I were a bit less complacent, I would find whole new sides of Dar waiting to be discovered. But I have a hard time explaining my lethargic reaction.

I’m just tired. The daily struggle of ignoring random comments yelled in my direction, of trying to be safe, of worrying about the newest crime incidents, of walking in the heat and coming home to no water, of hearing the same “heroic” stories from the constant stream of newcomers, of the constant stream of newcomers, of being away from family, of ……

When am I going to get my strength again? Moving to a new city/country just seems so much easier – you have no choice but to go out and explore.