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The last day of 2008. It’s been a year with all kinds of emotions and feelings on the spectrum. Many firsts, with hopefully more to come. And many hopefully lasts to my bad habits etc.
This morning I went on a walk with A around campus, unfortunately, we couldn’t find L to go with us. Campus is really beautiful, with old and new buildings, interesting animals sculpture (you can really feel it’s an agriculture university), and a serenity that only an empty camps can give off. I learnt a little bit about A’s homeland, an area in India called Tipura (?) surrounded by Bangladesh.
Afterwards, I went to the village to get food, but I couldn’t find adapters or phone cards because almost everything was closed. I went back to my place, and slept until they woke me up with the door bell. We had our new year’s eve party at A’s. Some times I’m really confused about A…he sounds so passionate about helping people in developing countries, yet, seems to shy away from long discussions. It feels almost as if he feels sad or hurt when we discuss too much.
A taught me about small scale fisheries and how there is real potential in increasing the depth in production systems so it could accomodate different types of fish that live in different depths. I thought it would greatly help different kinds of urban agriculture.
We watched another Swedish comedy…I must say..it was a bit slow for my tastes althought it was quite funny.
We then went to L’s friend’s party …nothing very interesting happened until we decided to go to Aas centre to celebrate new years with everyone else. We passed new years on the way, with amazing fireworks going off in all directions. It was quite a different new years than I normally have. For one, it was cold! Then in Aas centre, we were surrounded by Norwegians shouting in a language I didn’t understand. Most surprisingly, there was not one bit of pot smoke in the air :P both L and I marvelled at that impossibility. A met up with some of his friends from Bangladesh. We went to their house for a small after party. They were all Bengali, one was Muslim, and two Hindu (I think). We talked about how the media portrayal of muslisms and hindus not getting along well was false. In reality, these groups have lived together relatively peacefully for over 1000 years.
D had spent 3 years in Afghanistan (which has a surprisingly good relationship with India. Considering both Afghanistan and Pakistand are Islamic countries, it seems true that religion is over cited as a reason for conflict. He said that the poppy trade was thriving even before the Taliban. The only reason why it’s suddenly become such a hot topic is because the media picked it up. The adventures in 3 cups of tea were all true: the people, kommander Khan etc. It’s such a good book…I really recommend it. The Taliban really wrecked havoc in the two and a half years they were in power. Most of the people in Afghanistan hate them. The government is trying to gain back power from the regional war lords (kommanders). But it seems like a pretty impossible task right now with some of the warlords even capable of collecting all the tax.
I learnt an important lesson today.
The three hosts weren’t really inviting me into the conversation, and their eyes seem to just flick past mine. The usual ‘stare-at-them-until-they-look-at-me’ tactic didn’t work. Frustrated, I decided to steer the conversation, at least, into one I’m interested in (actually I always do this and I admit, some people think I’m a party pooper…but I really have low tolerance for small talk). Somehow, I steered the conversation into Pakistan and Bangladesh and India (by now, most of the talking was done by the guy in the middle). His eyes literally lit up and started looking at me to explain that the media in the West does a really poor job in representing the people. These different religions have beeen living peacefully together for over a 1000 years, people don’t hate each other
When there was a lull in the conversation, I turned to ask the really quiet guy on the left (D). What does he study?
Turns out he did 3 years of development work in Afghanistan. He had near death experience from the guns and bullets for 3 times but survived. Really interesting, I pressed for details. Then it struck me, Pakistan and Afghanistan are both Islamic countries, why is India on such good terms with Afghanistan and not Pakistan? This question really set them off. They explained that it really wasn’t about religion. They really appreciated my questions and the discussion just flowed.
Anyways, the lesson is that gaining respect can be done this way. Men (and women I’m sure) appreciate intelligence in women. And that people always want to to tell their stories and views, you just have to find the right questions to ask. When you see their eyes light up, pursue with the probing.
This has been very eye opening and I think this lesson will stay with me for a long time. Although I’m a bit worried that some men would get intimidated by my (superior ;P jk) intelligence. I guess now I have to learn how to gain respect and express my views without appearing threatening so they shut me out. Non-threatening yet firm and not a push over. Definitely easier said than done.
So at the end of the night, L and I decided to write down our goals for this trip.
Mine are:
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to not think any question is stupid. ASK THEM. a.k.a. Learn how to phrase questions so they sound intelligent.
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To keep in touch with new and old friends. I really need to send out new year greetings.
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To learn to live on my own. Cooking, washing, walking around in the dark and not get scared!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
