I have always had difficulty with “valuing”, especially in a sport context. I’ve often looked at things in a ‘black and white’ or ‘win and lose’ perspective, and it was very difficult for me to understand all the other emotions that went through the process of being a high performance athlete. Growing up, I did not see the value in sport psychology and of the 3 approaches to coaching that we discussed in KIN 586, I have always believed in the Mastery approach (versus the Autonomy Supported approach or Transformational approach).
Looking back, I can see reasons why I might have been on that path. Perhaps it was a combination of my competitive drive and a desire to prove myself to others. Ego. That’s probably what it was.
It reminds me of a story, when I was studying at Langara College and competing for the Falcon’s badminton team. I ended up qualifying for the CCAA Nationals, and ended up taking a very strong lead against the top team in the tournament. Nonetheless, the eagerness to win got the better of me and we ended up losing that match. I ended up punting my water bottle across 3 badminton courts. If there were goal posts, I would have probably kicked a field goal. Fortunately, the bottle didn’t hit anybody and I ended up having to apologize for my actions (rightly so).
At the tournament banquet, I sat there scowling with my 2nd place result. Everyone was having a good time except for me. Eventually, the CCAA director (whom I had to apologize to) came up to me and had a chat with me. I apologized again for my actions (ZERO water bottles punted since then) and he told me that I should try to relax and enjoy myself some more. Everyone else was having a good time and I should follow along and have a good time too. I thanked him for speaking to me, but a part of me cringed inside. I left the banquet shortly after our conversation. I never looked back. 5 years later, I stepped on court at Wembley Arena, at the London Olympics.
But that’s only one part of the story. I can say that 4 years later, I failed to step on court in Rio. I was so close, but it doesn’t matter. I have failed. Why did I fail? After a lot of reflection, one of those reasons was failing to add value to others. Another is overcoming my ego, and I also don’t think that these are mutually exclusive. However, after the residential component of the course, I understood that it is hard to get critical feedback from people that you don’t value. Additionally, I had an amazing opportunity to get to hear John C. Maxwell speak.
- There is a difference between living a life of intention versus living a life of acceptance
- Turn good intentions into good actions
- Everything worthwhile is uphill. You can’t go uphill by accident
- Many people have uphill hopes, but downhill habits
- Getting older does not mean getting better
- Attitude will not make up for incompetence
- Best Attitude + Best Ability = Best Return
- Intentionally do 3 things everyday: value people, believe in people, and unconditionally love
You may agree or disagree with some of these points. For example, he believes that “attitude will not make up for incompetence”, but Amy Cuddy has a TED talk on how to “fake it til you make it”. Different strategies for different people in different contexts create so many differences. However, the most important lesson I took from John Maxwell was this: value people. This was part of the 5 things he says he does intentionally everyday:
- Value people. If you can’t, then ADD value to them.
- Think of how to add value to people.
- Look for ways to add value to people
- Add value to people (intentionally)
- Encourage others to add value to people.
He also adds that it is best to connect with people instead of correcting them. Although we may not have to agree with someone, it doesn’t mean that we can’t add value to them.
Fortunately, I had an opportunity to try adding value to people when I went down to Brazil for a tournament the week after John Maxwell’s lecture. Although I was not technically coaching, I still have a large leadership role in my new mixed doubles partnership which I do my best to fulfill. If that seems odd in your sport context, all I can say is that our sport is less fortunate and it is rare to have coaches traveling with us to tournaments. The best thing for us sometimes is to step up and lead. Intentionally.
The tournament went well, with a 2nd place finish in the mixed doubles, and semifinal finishes in the other events. After the tournament I reviewed the match footage, did some analytics, and did some video editing to capture various aspects we are working on. As I only play the role of “partner”, all of this work is done on my own time and is unpaid. However, it add values to my partner and our partnership, because it means that the partnership is also important to me and it is our best attempt to improve for our next tournament. The video I edited and posted commentary on (in the YouTube video description) can be found here and a highlight video of some rallies can be found here (for context/interest only).
I can only say that this is a very new thing for me (valuing) and I’m eager to see how the results unfold in the near future.
“People who add value to others do so intentionally. I say that because to add value, leaders must give of themselves, and that rarely occurs by accident.” – John C. Maxwell