I have always had difficulty with “valuing”, especially in a sport context. I’ve often looked at things in a ‘black and white’ or ‘win and lose’ perspective, and it was very difficult for me to understand all the other emotions that went through the process of being a high performance athlete. Growing up, I did not see the value in sport psychology and of the 3 approaches to coaching that we discussed in KIN 586, I have always believed in the Mastery approach (versus the Autonomy Supported approach or Transformational approach).
Looking back, I can see reasons why I might have been on that path. Perhaps it was a combination of my competitive drive and a desire to prove myself to others. Ego. That’s probably what it was.
It reminds me of a story, when I was studying at Langara College and competing for the Falcon’s badminton team. I ended up qualifying for the CCAA Nationals, and ended up taking a very strong lead against the top team in the tournament. Nonetheless, the eagerness to win got the better of me and we ended up losing that match. I ended up punting my water bottle across 3 badminton courts. If there were goal posts, I would have probably kicked a field goal. Fortunately, the bottle didn’t hit anybody and I ended up having to apologize for my actions (rightly so).
At the tournament banquet, I sat there scowling with my 2nd place result. Everyone was having a good time except for me. Eventually, the CCAA director (whom I had to apologize to) came up to me and had a chat with me. I apologized again for my actions (ZERO water bottles punted since then) and he told me that I should try to relax and enjoy myself some more. Everyone else was having a good time and I should follow along and have a good time too. I thanked him for speaking to me, but a part of me cringed inside. I left the banquet shortly after our conversation. I never looked back. 5 years later, I stepped on court at Wembley Arena, at the London Olympics.
But that’s only one part of the story. I can say that 4 years later, I failed to step on court in Rio. I was so close, but it doesn’t matter. I have failed. Why did I fail? After a lot of reflection, one of those reasons was failing to add value to others. Another is overcoming my ego, and I also don’t think that these are mutually exclusive. However, after the residential component of the course, I understood that it is hard to get critical feedback from people that you don’t value. Additionally, I had an amazing opportunity to get to hear John C. Maxwell speak.
- There is a difference between living a life of intention versus living a life of acceptance
- Turn good intentions into good actions
- Everything worthwhile is uphill. You can’t go uphill by accident
- Many people have uphill hopes, but downhill habits
- Getting older does not mean getting better
- Attitude will not make up for incompetence
- Best Attitude + Best Ability = Best Return
- Intentionally do 3 things everyday: value people, believe in people, and unconditionally love
You may agree or disagree with some of these points. For example, he believes that “attitude will not make up for incompetence”, but Amy Cuddy has a TED talk on how to “fake it til you make it”. Different strategies for different people in different contexts create so many differences. However, the most important lesson I took from John Maxwell was this: value people. This was part of the 5 things he says he does intentionally everyday:
- Value people. If you can’t, then ADD value to them.
- Think of how to add value to people.
- Look for ways to add value to people
- Add value to people (intentionally)
- Encourage others to add value to people.
He also adds that it is best to connect with people instead of correcting them. Although we may not have to agree with someone, it doesn’t mean that we can’t add value to them.
Fortunately, I had an opportunity to try adding value to people when I went down to Brazil for a tournament the week after John Maxwell’s lecture. Although I was not technically coaching, I still have a large leadership role in my new mixed doubles partnership which I do my best to fulfill. If that seems odd in your sport context, all I can say is that our sport is less fortunate and it is rare to have coaches traveling with us to tournaments. The best thing for us sometimes is to step up and lead. Intentionally.
The tournament went well, with a 2nd place finish in the mixed doubles, and semifinal finishes in the other events. After the tournament I reviewed the match footage, did some analytics, and did some video editing to capture various aspects we are working on. As I only play the role of “partner”, all of this work is done on my own time and is unpaid. However, it add values to my partner and our partnership, because it means that the partnership is also important to me and it is our best attempt to improve for our next tournament. The video I edited and posted commentary on (in the YouTube video description) can be found here and a highlight video of some rallies can be found here (for context/interest only).
I can only say that this is a very new thing for me (valuing) and I’m eager to see how the results unfold in the near future.
“People who add value to others do so intentionally. I say that because to add value, leaders must give of themselves, and that rarely occurs by accident.” – John C. Maxwell
Toby, really like your reflections on moving from an athlete role to a coach role. It is always interesting how we perceive past actions which perhaps provide a guidepost in our athlete/life/coaching journeys. This is a good thing as it helps us to learn from these past behaviours and to understand perspective. As you have been a HP athlete for many years it would be interesting for you to do a retrospective analysis on your own journey. This might help you to identify the optimal athlete profile and the characteristics that helped or hindered your progress. This is the type of research that has been done on Deliberate practice, where the research has athletes recall their history (type of practice, amount of practice, major milestones etc..). I have asked HP athletes if they can pinpoint a moment when they shifted from just practicing to practicing deliberately. What do you think?
Again, you have a great example of the video analysis. As you are working with your partner, be mindful to help create the environment to receive feedback. As you indicate, sometimes feedback can be interpreted as criticism where as your intention is to bridge the gap to ensure ongoing progression and performance.
Keep up the great reflections Toby.
Thank you for the comments Dave!
I remember a moment at my first major international tournament where we were in Indonesia for the World Men’s Team Championships, and we were set to play against China, the best in the world at the time and ended up winning the competition that year. I saw their star player practicing before his match, and then practicing again after the match, and that was the moment that I realized that I needed to be constantly practicing, not so much always super intensely, but at least with a sense of purpose.
Following that, I would think deliberate practice came to me first when I read Geoff Colvin’s book, “Talent is Overrated” for the definition of deliberate practice, and when my coach at the time, a 2-time Olympic Gold medalist in badminton, said to me that we only really “practiced” about 20-30 mins in our 2 hour sessions. This was definitely a hint that there are many times when we went through the motions of practice and that it wasn’t deliberate.
That was an intriguing question! Thank you for that thought!
Great post Toby. I appreciate how real you are in sharing your emotions. It is evident that you are being intentional in your approach to value others (partner, competitors, officials etc.) I can imagine it would be difficult to compete in these international tournaments without always having a coach. This dynamic presents an opportunity to coach and lead in a very challenging context. Competitions such as these place us in emotionally charged situations where it can be difficult to add value to people.
It is quite obvious that you are a fierce competitor who hates losing. I found it interesting how you mentioned several times that you ‘failed’ in not making it to Rio. This comment suggests to me the importance of winning and attainment in your life. Who doesn’t love to win… but should it be what defines us? Knowing you the little bit that I do…I can imagine that you were ‘going for it’ in all your preparation, training and qualification tournaments leading up to Rio. I have no doubt that you did everything that you could do to make it to Rio. The play of your opponents, teammates, officiating, *injuries*, and potential politics in the sport are out of your control. Allowing defeat to define you can lead to frustrations that make it difficult to value those around you (maybe similar to the time that you got defeated and booted the water bottle an impressive distance). I have found that focusing on pursuing excellence as opposed to the attainment of it has helped me show value to my athletes and coaching staff because I know when they are striving to be their best. Failure is inevitable and provides an opportunity to reflect, learn, and ‘go for it’ again.
I know this stuff isn’t new to you so take it for what it’s worth… merely my thoughts based on your open reflection. Thanks for sharing. You are a very impressive badminton player!
Thanks for the comments, Joel!
I am pretty new to looking at failure a bit differently. Even today I had a thought: Failure and success are nothing but outcomes, but many people treat them as an ongoing process. I really like your comment about focusing on pursuing excellence over attainment, and it reminds me of Tony Robbins speaking on the difference between achievement and fulfillment of Tim Ferris’ podcast a little while back.
(http://fourhourworkweek.com/2016/08/10/tony-robbins-on-achievement-versus-fulfillment/)
Thank you for commenting and I will definitely keep your idea on pursuing excellence in mind!