Previously, I wrote about valuing through John C. Maxwell’s concepts of living intentionally and adding value to others. After about 5 months, I still do my best to practice these concepts regularly and have also included “Add Value To Others” as part of my coaching philosophy. However, it has not been an easy task because when adding value to others, you sometimes wrestle with trying to figure out whether it should be a social or market norm. Dan Ariely talks about the cost of social norms in his book “Predictable Irrational”, where market norms dictate effort levels. In my example, I find I may tend to hold back some information at times if I feel that I have already given a lot of things “for free” already. Since we all “need to eat” (i.e. make money), it becomes a bit difficult to unconditionally give, although there may be tremendous rewards in doing that, but as a struggling athlete, I feel caught in a dilemma between how much I should really be giving away for free.
That becomes the topic of this blog post: what about me? What about you? If you cannot take care of yourself FIRST, then how can you really take care of other people? If you do not value yourself (eg. health, mindset, state of being), then how can you really value other people? There is a difference between valuing others and being a “Yes Man” (great Jim Carey movie, by the way), but establishing that difference can be very difficult at times. Sometimes there are guidelines laid out in certain procedures, such as oxygen masks on airplanes. You put your own mask on first, then you can help someone else. Of course this is a physical health issue, but mental health issues have also been on the rise over the years. Perhaps there are personal boundaries that need to be set given the mental strength of the coach, but even I have seen the best of coaches get burnt out over time.
I have seen personal examples of this myself, and I continue to see it in my sport. Coaches start off so well: enthusiastic, hard working, and often times self-sacrificing. They really add value to others and their athletes get tremendous benefit from them. They are your model coaches, and ones you want as your badminton coach. But over time, slowly but surely, it starts to fade. Perhaps it’s routine, or perhaps there are things that happen (or don’t happen) in situations not in their favour. How many times did another potential star player quit early? How many times did a parent become too overbearing in what they want for their kid, and if they did not get their way, they would threaten to leave? How many times did the sport organization fail to act approriately? I don’t think it’s ever the wins or losses that affect the coach, but rather the things that they did not prepare for. Perhaps their expectations were set too high, perhaps they are trying too hard to control the uncontrollables. Sometimes coaching is very rewarding, but there are times when it is a struggle. Who is left to fend for the coaches?
We feel the coach should be the leader, the manager, the one who guides the athletes. Especially at younger ages, the coach plays such a critical factor in development. Coaches are often underpaid and overworked, and yet we still want them to continue to learn and develop themselves, with only a fraction of the support an athlete gets. Athletes get all the credit for the win most of the time, while coaches get little in return. Wouldn’t a good business model be a necessity for the coach? If coaches make sufficient income and are paid appropriately, then wouldn’t that be the best solution? I don’t have an answer for that, but that is a bit of the aspiration. Teachers and professors are compensated reasonably, so why not coaches? For example, the Finnish school system is arguably the best in the world, with less hours to teach each day, and teachers even requiring a minimum of a Masters degree to apply. Further discussed in Shane Snow’s “Smartcuts”, he describes how only 10% of applicants are chosen to begin teacher training, and better trained teachers are more likely to teach children how to learn. In contrast, the American school system, with a teacher fulfilling multiple roles by teaching various subjects, is more likely to teach children how to memorize. How different is this from coaches that teach multiple sports to secure an income, and instead of coaching athletes to perform their best, they just teach athletes the rules of the game?
To shift perspectives slightly, from an athlete point of view, valuing a coach is substantially less than what it might be vice versa. However I feel coaches tend to fill the void by having multiple athletes to look after, at least for badminton. As a player, value is also given to therapists and other IST staff, in addition to partners, teammates, etc. The athlete is much more equipped than the coach in a sense, because they are the ones who are competing. They are like soldiers on the front lines of a battle. Ironically, in terms of revenue generating potential, athletes and entertainers are usually the ones making the most money, compared to coaches/directors, administative staff/production companies, while actual military people probably make the least in terms of chain of command. I should count my blessings. However, to stay on topic, I believe different athletes value coaches differently, and the same could be said the other way around. Coaches may value players that are more suited to what their expertise is, and I think that is fine.
Before I write about how I demonstated this core competency, I will share another story I have heard a few times from different sources. There is a type of crab that can escape almost any trap set for it individually, but based on one particular trait, it succumbs to the simplest of traps. This trap consists of a cage with a hole at the top, and a bit of bait at the bottom of the cage. It attracts a crab, which climbs into the cage and eats the food. However, once other crabs climb in, they become stuck. For some reason, when a crab wants to escape, they pull it back in with the rest. Nobody is allowed to leave. In the end, they make a happy fisherman because they are all caught and hopefully provide some delicious seafood for someone, somewhere. This story is used to explain the pull of mediocrity, or simply just being good enough. That is probably what happens when you value yourself, but stop there. That is probably also what happens to those coaches I’ve seen who have given so much, but neglected to look out for themselves first. At first it seems to go well, but they encounter the other “crabs” that pull them back to the norm. “Why are you trying so hard?”, “They will just leave you anyway”, “I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work”, or my favourite: “If you want to make money, don’t do badminton”. And just like that, nobody can escape the pull to fit in with the rest, and in the end, nothing changes.
However, I think there is an escape to this vicious cycle and an equal compromise between valuing yourself and others: “Be so good they can’t ignore you” – Steve Martin. Whether you are a player or coach or administrator, pursuing mastery in your chosen path should include appropriate levels of valuing for the sake of mastery. Cal Newport describes this as the “craftsman mindset” instead of having a “passion mindset”, from his book, “So Good They Can’t Ignore You”. The mastery process is often the path less taken, as most opt to be “good enough”. If most people opt to be like the crabs that will not let others leave the cage, perhaps it is best to steer clear from that cage in the first place. Think outside the box, or in this example, the cage.
The changes to my coaching have now shifted from worrying about being fairly compensated, to asking myself whether this will help me become the best coach I can be. This is a remarkable shift in perspective because based on the concept of “be so good they can’t ignore you”, you only need to worry about being better, instead of being paid. This helps me focus on long term benefits instead of short term gains. Additionally, valuing ourselves and ego are uncomfortably close together. And ego isn’t something that you defeat. It’s more like something that needs to be maintained daily, much like brushing teeth.
For now, I opt to value myself first, with a focus on mastery of my coaching abilities. I will continue to add value to others based on a mastery approach. And finally, I will continue the pursuit to “be so good they can’t ignore you.”
Adding value… to everyone, including me.
Hey Toby,
This is really powerful. I think everyone at some point loses that perspective and forgets to value themselves – it’s always about someone else and never about you. And then we get burned out. It’s so great that you included this here, and chose to speak about the importance of being you. Are there any strategies that you’ve employed to help keep this a priority for you?
Hey Jenn,
Thanks for replying! The only strategy that has worked consistently for me is that I always have a choice, even though it might mean that I have to endure something or walk away. Based on that concept, if I can control my ego (or rather, be ego-less), then there is nothing that can bother me, unless I choose to let it bother me. It’s not an easy feat and I do fail often, but the goal is not to stop failing (yet), but to get up faster. It might bother you for a while at first, but you reduce it to a moment. After you get better, it might just become a thought. At least that’s the hope (I’m probably at reducing it to a moment right now, but I’m working on it).
I think many times as coaches, we are lose-win with our athletes. I’m simply advocating that we start thinking win-win and do things where we both get value at the very least to prevent burning out from either side!
Great post Toby!
I really appreciated you expressing your shift in perspective from worrying about getting paid (out of your control) to a mastery approach and focusing on becoming the best that you can be. I believe that this shift in itself will help you value those around you because you are expending less energy on things that are out of your control and are more focused on mastering your abilities as a coach/athlete.
Burnout is an unfortunate reality in the coaching profession as many coaches are overworked and underpaid. U of S has implemented a sabbatical within their full time coaching contracts. This agreement allows coaches to be eligible for a paid leave every 7 years to allow intentional time for family, professional development and refreshment so that they maintain their passion for coaching throughout a full career. I believe it is great to prevent burnout within the coaching profession, while also providing other coaches an opportunity to develop. It is easy to overwork yourself within this profession, and I agree with you that you need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself before you can truly value others. Thanks for sharing.
-Joel
Toby, great reflection. You need to come to this year’s HP coach advance on June 2nd and 3rd as we are directly addressing this topic. If you are not able to come I might ask for permission to use part of this blog post. I will be sending out an email to the UBC coaches inviting them to come.
Your blog really resonates with me and I would suggest all coaches who try to coach as a primary job. I have talked to so many coaches about the value of coaching and how hard it is to mold into what are considered mainstream occupations. My life goal is legitimizing the role of the coach, where I envision a simple answer to the following situation. A coach is siting on a plane and the passenger next to them says “what do you do for a living?” The coach says “I coach X sport”. The passenger then says “What do you do for a real job”. Of course the answer that I aspire to is, “wow you are a coach and how wonderful an impact your are having in sport” or something like that. This question about coaching is common and you can read the quote below from this article:
http://grantland.com/features/carleton-university-basketball-canada-syracuse-tyler-ennis-kansas-andrew-wiggins/
“Carleton coach Dave Smart has gotten used to the question. It pops up at dinner parties, on airplanes, and anywhere else chitchat among strangers is required.
It starts innocently enough: “What do you do?”
Smart’s reply: “I’m the basketball coach at Carleton University.”
And then a quizzical look, always followed by the very same, very innocent, well-meaning follow-up: “No, but what do you do for a living?”
At this, Smart has no choice but to laugh. Coaching basketball is not viewed as a profession in Canada. It is a hobby, something to fill the time between hours spent doing meaningful work. “It’s not even just a basketball thing,” Smart says. “The culture surrounding sports is just not the same as it is in the States. Even if you coach hockey, unless you’re coaching the Senators or something, people might ask, ‘Is that really your job?’”
So you can see that this coaching may not be as valued in Canadian culture, but it does not need to be less of a profession. Coaching is really a lifestyle and something that is done by very dedicated people. Even as I look at my own career, I struggled for years to make ends meet while I continued to do what I love. That said, I never really worried about the money. I started getting paid as a coach at the age of 18 in Alpine skiing. I spent the next 17 years cobbling together jobs that would help me to live while coaching. These included coaching skiing in the winter, rugby in the summer and substitute teaching. It was all about part-time jobs. In 2003, after finishing my masters and at the age of 35, I finally got my first full time job working at the Coaching Association of Canada – Starting salary $50K per year. I thought I had “made it”. From here coaching was still a primary ambition but a secondary career. I continued to coach in CIS and International teams, but none for money.
I think that coaching is a bit of an addiction where we get such a powerful rush from helping other achieve their goal. Yes, there are times where we need to also think of our own goals which should not conflict with helping others. This is where I like the concept of servant leadership, something which I have commented on other blogs.
I think you are right on in your comments. Focus on mastery and the career will look after itself!
Dave,
I think I will be around for the HP Coach Advance! I’d be honoured if you used any part of my blog, feel free to share if needed. I can definitely relate to this as an amateur athlete, and I get similar responses when I say that I am a badminton player, but not really professional. Although that’s a different problem to solve, I can relate to the hard working and passionate coaches out there who are coaching professionally, but not always in the way the public sees it. Even I have some struggles personally because I am worried that I need to do something more to support my passion for coaching.
It definitely feels great to help others, and coaching is an incredible way to really connect with them. I have just recently posted my next blog about my experience coaching a team for the first time, and although it involved many hours and little eating or sleeping, it was an amazing experience nonetheless!
Good Blog Toby!
I was reading to get some inspiration to write and have to share a comment to the discussion above. I was chatting with some people at work today about a part of the job that everybody hates – including myself (trying to recruit more athletes into the gym to train). We all value ourselves as coaches and I think that this feels almost degrading to some because you feel like a bit of a salesman at times. What I tried to convey to the other coaches was that the reason we need to recruit is so we can get the golden moments…what is that? I described a golden moment that had recently occurred when an athlete returned from his first NCAA season (hockey) and had a decent year (25 points as a freshman) and told me that he’s fired up to see where we can get this off-season as he credited a lot of his success to the work we did together over the past couple seasons. It was an awesome feeling as a coach to get that type of feedback from an athlete you’ve worked hard with over a couple years. It is also exciting to hear him say that his goal is an NHL contract offer after next season…I joked with him that if it comes he has to give me 5%) but I’d be more than happy to watch him play on the saddle dome ice, that would be payment enough.
Thanks for the post.
Doug
Great post Toby! I think across our cohort so many of his are struggling with all of this. We want to pursue mastery, but still need to eat and keep a roof over our head. We face economic and emotional challenges just like a starving athlete would, but how many crowdfunding sites have you seen for a coach! I like the idea of being so good they cannot ignore you, because frankly I’ve just seen so many fantastic coaches that rely solely on the quality of their work get overlooked. And I’ve seen less qualified coaches, that were more willing to hustle climb the coaching ladders and get paid for their work. Ultimately I feel it’s a balance of both in our profession. When you do a great job, there will be those that recognize you, and you need to be willing to hustle along the way, to take less glamorous jobs (coaching the general public on the side for example, but at higher rate then you could charge an athlete.). All in all, very thought provoking post!
Bob