I think I’ve done it. It’s actually on paper (well, in Excel and R). I’ve formulated my version of a “Podium Pathway”. Like… you can actually see the pathway to transition between levels, based on tournament results. I’ve divided it into different tracks and aligned it with the Canadian Sport Intitute – Pacific’s targeted athlete list levels (Provincial Development 1 & 2, Canadian Development). I’ve readjusted ranking points so that players can be ranked accordingly, even if they challenge up an age group. It’s more or less complete.

… but… I don’t know who to go to for feedback. And that’s where I’m stuck.

It’s interesting to analyze my fear of sharing, because it feels as if I’m worried that someone will just steal my work. It’s like I need to add such a layer of complexity to it so that it would be difficult to steal, without the technical knowledge of how it operates (why I started learning R programming). Not that my programming level is very good, but I think I also fear that people will not understand it. I fear that they will steal my work AND misinterpret it. And then, that’s where the damage is done.

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” – Seneca

Fear is a funny thing, because writing about this helps clarify my thoughts a bit more. Perhaps I fear that this is my expertise, and once everyone starts to understand this, it no longer becomes expert knowledge. If it is no longer expert knowledge, then I won’t be an expert anymore. That sounds kind of silly, even to me. Perhaps “imposter syndrome” is getting to me. The cure to that is to always continue learning. Perhaps that is the key to this whole process.

I often like to turn tough decisions into a binary question. Zero or one. Yes or no. Do I want to get to a final solution through collaboration, or do I want to be cautious in how I proceed for the sake of not getting my work stolen?

I’d much rather get to that final solution.

Besides, the way I see it, I’m sure someone might be also on the same track. I’d rather move forwards than stay in a limbo of no improvement (like my badminton currently… ouch).

I guess I’ve unstuck myself. Life is too short to worry about credit that might not come anyway.

Wait… but if I can validate this as my thesis somehow… hmmm… definitely something to think about!