{"id":77,"date":"2014-04-05T11:02:46","date_gmt":"2014-04-05T18:02:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/trolls\/?p=77"},"modified":"2014-04-05T12:49:02","modified_gmt":"2014-04-05T19:49:02","slug":"trolls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.ubc.ca\/trolls\/trolls\/","title":{"rendered":"“Trolls”"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

(For the full effect this should be read in a bad Brooklyn accent.)<\/p>\n

As he stood outside the restaurant on the corner of 200 and 5th Joe Smart finished his fifth cigarette and made his way across the street to the back door of the shoddy Brooklyn restaurant. He could feel the sweat from his palms make the handle of the briefcase slide through his hand as he was crossing the street, as he walked through the door he was met by the largest Italian man he had ever seen.<\/p>\n

\u201cI- I\u2019m here to see Marty.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stammered. As the Italian stared back at him with dead eyes he said \u201cThe fuck are you?\u201d
\nAs Joe didn\u2019t have an adequate response due to his completely unassociated identity with these people he felt compelled to add a,<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026please?\u201d<\/p>\n

The man turned from him and called into the din behind him.<\/p>\n

\u201cMarty!\u201d<\/p>\n

Suddenly Joe heard a<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I got some time.\u201d<\/p>\n

And was sent through.<\/p>\n

Now Joe had heard stories of Marty Troll, what seemed like myths or legends even, he had always assumed they had been the construct of exaggerated gossip, as Italian housewives are prone to create. But what Joe saw before him now slackened his jaw and made all the stories seem that much more horrifying. Standing before Joe in the smoky back room was the ugliest man he had ever seen. Marty Troll seemed to be coated in grease, it started at the top of his head, combing over the few strands of dyed black hair into a cow lick all across his shinning round head, dripping down into the sweat drops that crawled over his face which one could hardly see due to the giant bulb of a nose that was jutting out of it, Joe thought he could smell the sweat seeping into Marty\u2019s XXXL black t-shirt, it seemed like the fabric was stuck to his skin, forming into the deep folds in Marty\u2019s belly. Joe could feel those beady black eyes staring at him but for the life of him he couldn\u2019t shut his mouth, it felt like all the courage he had was seeping out of his gaping mouth leaving him with nothing but the accelerated beating of his heart pounding in his ears.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere somethin\u2019 in particular you lookin at?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cN- n- no sir. I- I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Joe stammered.<\/p>\n

The room shook as Marty let out a deep-bellied howl of laughter. This both frightened and eased poor Joe who began to hesitantly laugh along with Marty, although Joe knew now what he hadn\u2019t before, he was unsure of whether he could really go through with this, if this was really what he even wanted. But now he knew, after seeing Marty fuckin Troll he knew he was in way over his head and didn\u2019t want anything to do with this kind of company. As he was trying to think of some excuse to leave the place Marty interrupted his thoughts with\u2013
\n\u201cSo what is it you\u2019re lookin\u2019 for? I see you\u2019ve got quite a nice briefcase in your hands there.\u201d
\nMarty continued to chuckle through his words, Joe didn\u2019t know what to say so he just nodded vigourosly.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo tell me, I\u2019m a reasonable man, you\u2019ve obviously come here lookin\u2019 for something, let\u2019s do some business.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marty seemed truly genuine with these words, it eased Joe up and loosened his tongue,
\n\u201cWell- well thank you, really, because you see the thing is, I- I thought I wanted
\nsomething, and so I came here, thinking I was looking for something\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cuh-hu\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you see that thing, that\u2019s just not me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see\u201d<\/p>\n

Marty responded with a smile, which relaxed Joe even more<\/p>\n

\u201cyeah, yeah. It\u2019s just, not. Who I am\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou do? Really? That\u2019s, that\u2019s really fantastic, because I\u2019m just not- y\u2019know I\u2019m not like this, I\u2019m just-\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, you\u2019re a good kid, right? I can see that\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cy- um yeah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can see that, you. You\u2019re good. I can see you. You think you\u2019re good. You think you\u2019re better-\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cwha- NO!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo NOT interrupt me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Marty was glaring at Joe with those beady eyes, Joe unconsciously started backing away until he bumped into the wall. Cornered.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou come in here, with your weasel fucking face and your god damned briefcase lookin like some punk out of a movie and you\u2019re trying to come to ME. You? You insignificant little fuck come to me in my place of business and try to tell me that you\u2019re better than me? Is that fucking it? What, because you got a damn desk job? Does that make you\u2019re money better than mine? You think I don\u2019t work as hard as you? What, you feel like \u201cthis isn\u2019t you\u201d like you got somethin\u2019 fuckin\u2019 better to do? What\u2019s the difference between you and me, huh? I was born into my life and you were born into yours, I grew up this way, this if my family, while you were at college what exactly the fuck do you think I was doing? Even if I fuckin\u2014\u201c
\nAnd for a moment, Joe thought he saw something flicker past Marty\u2019s eyes, just for a moment.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026 Yeah, well you know what. Not today kid. Today is not the day I forgive or forget, you came here for business, so let\u2019s do some business.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014P. Sehat<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(For the full effect this should be read in a bad Brooklyn accent.) As he stood outside the restaurant on the corner of 200 and 5th Joe Smart finished his fifth cigarette and made his way across the street to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14197,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[980314,283916,5620,980271,969878,969934,969917,980347,969762,969809,969416,980282,969499,94232,980358,1457,980312,980315,969632,979252,978268,980354,969494,834545,978199,4615,980264,284278,686946,980359,483,969464,978701,969374,351916,980333,580755,980292,4644,980294,969697,471157,980275,979646,980283,969720,980082,980360,969585,978626,4827,980297,980302,5621,980266,980367,980363,1557,969425,304842,980322,980368,969822,525918,980277,57777,969927,979584,978153,865679,980301,978186,979116,980296,826416,980325,686923,969538,978403,979680,980284,980329,436589,980309,329902,268,980349,978168,978784,969679,980260,978134,425437,980311,468874,980376,979556,969653,980251,980313,615007,979157,980356,969435,3055,294,196223,978417,285179,978308,285220,8867,979167,285229,468898,979044,969674,318069,932040,969768,448307,969793,980326,969592,969392,980290,980286,980323,625284,8415,845,238796,980366,980355,980330,980370,194579,969677,238793,969729,3308,389382,969526,980351,980304,978351,614903,969573,978280,979582,672701,193,285702,285703,164584,969843,969433,980298,300,242803,298,980319,978262,980338,978107,969959,969532,980268,980278,980306,187,1838,167414,1585,4269,150302,980345,583269,1278,969451,969783,6535,980321,979684,521866,978679,826376,978137,980336,1681,969474,969473,5726,484567,980263,969466,546181,1848,78115,877371,980317,980287,2162,978470,44743,1565,980335,980344,978140,1973,248450,1195,1551,980300,564857,978729,969909,6552,980342,979060,969449,969673,969675,980305,979236,980299,980262,969710,969495,865678,980225,286833,980289,93875,848375,976503,1378,980291,969617,978616,980318,702490,980269,969659,978641,809266,969641,969856,679,980295,914,649592,687679,980308,526071,969487,164615,581473,654743,978719,615015,575175,828451,969589,628,2988,978099,495,979549,43996,969362,969666,978856,980114,969693,978878,919218,980273,980357,980348,980135,969658,969516,980334,978755,438063,57782,978425,980339,969960,980361,602503,815898,978499,980328,978234,412275,347,962,980307,980346,164616,980270,969748,980373,969735,980332,980350,980276],"class_list":["post-77","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-accelerated","tag-accent","tag-add","tag-adequate","tag-after","tag-although","tag-always","tag-am-i","tag-an","tag-anything","tag-are","tag-assumed","tag-away","tag-back","tag-backing","tag-bad","tag-beady","tag-beating","tag-behind","tag-belly","tag-better","tag-better-wha","tag-between","tag-black","tag-born","tag-both","tag-briefcase","tag-brooklyn","tag-bulb","tag-bumped","tag-business","tag-by","tag-called","tag-came","tag-can","tag-chuckle","tag-cigarette","tag-coated","tag-college","tag-combing","tag-come","tag-company","tag-compelled","tag-completely","tag-construct","tag-continued","tag-corner","tag-cornered","tag-could","tag-couldnt","tag-courage","tag-cow","tag-crawled","tag-create","tag-crossing","tag-damn","tag-damned","tag-day","tag-dead","tag-deep","tag-deep-bellied","tag-desk","tag-didnt","tag-difference","tag-din","tag-do","tag-does","tag-doing","tag-door","tag-down","tag-dripping","tag-drops","tag-due","tag-dyed","tag-ears","tag-eased","tag-effect","tag-even","tag-ever","tag-exactly","tag-exaggerated","tag-excuse","tag-eyes","tag-fabric","tag-face","tag-family","tag-fantastic","tag-feel","tag-felt","tag-few","tag-fifth","tag-finished","tag-flicker","tag-folds","tag-forget","tag-forgive","tag-forming","tag-frightened","tag-full","tag-gaping","tag-genuine","tag-giant","tag-glaring","tag-go","tag-god","tag-good","tag-gossip","tag-got","tag-grease","tag-grew","tag-hair","tag-hand","tag-handle","tag-hands","tag-hard","tag-hardly","tag-have","tag-he","tag-head","tag-heard","tag-heart","tag-here","tag-hesitantly","tag-him","tag-his","tag-horrifying","tag-housewives","tag-howl","tag-huh","tag-i","tag-identity","tag-if","tag-insignificant","tag-interrupt","tag-interrupted","tag-isnt","tag-italian","tag-its","tag-im","tag-jaw","tag-job","tag-joe","tag-just","tag-just-yeah","tag-jutting","tag-kid","tag-kind","tag-knew","tag-know","tag-largest","tag-laugh","tag-laughter","tag-leave","tag-leaving","tag-legends","tag-let","tag-lets","tag-lick","tag-life","tag-like","tag-little","tag-lookin","tag-looking","tag-loosened","tag-made","tag-make","tag-man","tag-marty","tag-marty-suddenly","tag-martys","tag-me","tag-met","tag-mine","tag-moment","tag-money","tag-more","tag-more-yeah","tag-mouth","tag-movie","tag-much","tag-my","tag-myths","tag-n","tag-nice","tag-no","tag-nodded","tag-nose","tag-now","tag-obviously","tag-one","tag-or","tag-out","tag-outside","tag-over","tag-palms","tag-particular","tag-past","tag-people","tag-place","tag-poor","tag-pounding","tag-prone","tag-punk","tag-quite","tag-read","tag-really","tag-reasonable","tag-relaxed","tag-respond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