I stare at the phone in front of me, dreading the important call I have to make. My hand clutches a piece of paper with all the questions I needed to ask and I mentally rehearse my lines again.
As I start the call, I head inside to the privacy and comfort of my room and begin to pace back and forth. When I speak, I notice that my voice is shaky and my tone is uncertain. I try to keep my thoughts on the conversation at hand but I also can’t help but wonder if the other person can tell how nervous I am.
The duration of the call goes almost without incident. Almost. Just as I’m about to thank the person at the other end, my words jumble over each other very noticeably. I quickly correct myself and end the call yet I could’ve sworn I heard them laugh quietly right before I hung up. I could feel my face burning and I physically cringed at that one mistake I made.
This incident happened more than a year ago but I still remember the feelings of nervousness and embarrassment that came with that one call. I know that people can make mistakes and that these emotions may be irrational, yet I still can’t help but feel them. This is an example of what it is like to live with social anxiety.
Social anxiety, as the term suggests, is anxiety that is felt during social interactions. According to the Social Anxiety Association, social anxiety is the 3rd largest mental health care problem in the world, with over 7% of the population being affected by it. People of all ages can be affected by social anxiety, and it could suddenly be triggered by a particular traumatic social interaction or it could develop over time (Social Anxiety Fact Sheet | Social Anxiety Association. 2017).
People with social anxiety tend to have feelings and thoughts of fear before, during and after a social interaction. They could have feelings of dread or anticipation before attending a social event such as an office meeting or a party. Often, they worry that these thoughts and feelings are obvious to others through their facial expressions, tone of voice or nervous body language. Thus, people with social anxiety can appear withdrawn from others during a social setting, even though some of them actually want to join in conversations and discussions. It is this fear that holds them back or deters them from taking part in interactions.
Thomas A. Richards, a psychologist and head of the Social Anxiety Institute, has said that people with social anxiety often do not want others to know about their situation because they might be viewed or treated differently. However, he also stated that there is a permanent solution to overcoming social anxiety, as long as the person is willing to get help and stay focused in doing so. Dr. Richards has recommended cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on developing and applying strategies to think clearly during social interactions instead of letting irrational thoughts and feelings take over (Richards, 2017).
Another expert on the topic, Justin Weeks, is cited by Tartavosky on Psych Central about ways to overcome social anxiety. He suggests that knowing and creating an “exposure hierarchy” of situations that causes a person anxiety can help him/ her identify and tackle these events in a certain order. For example, the person may start with situations that cause the least anxiety, such as greeting a stranger, then working his/her way up from that to willingly speaking to a crowd of people (Tartavosky, 2017). This way, the person can slowly adjust him/herself to thinking rationally during social interactions in a method that does not suddenly expose them to large social situations.
There are many other ways to overcome social anxiety and I’ve listed some websites that provide strategies below. I personally understand the thoughts and feelings that arise from these situations but it gives me hope knowing that I’m not alone in this and that there is a way to overcome it. I hope that this post has helped others understand social anxiety, and those that are affected by it, in a more detailed level.
Helpful Websites:
6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety
How to Overcome Your Social Anxiety
Written by Roumaine Soliveres
References:
Leahy, R. (2014). How to Overcome Your Social Anxiety. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-files/201410/how-overcome-your-social-anxiety
Richards, T. (2017). What is it like to live with Social Anxiety?| Social Anxiety Institute. Social Anxiety Institute. Retrieved 22 October 2017, from https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/living-with-social-anxiety
Social Anxiety Fact Sheet | Social Anxiety Association. (2017). Social Anxiety Association. Retrieved 22 October 2017, from http://socialphobia.org/social-anxiety-disorder-definition-symptoms-treatment-therapy-medications-insight-prognosis
Smith, M., Segal, J., & Shubin, J. (2017). Social Anxiety Disorder: Symptoms, Treatment, and Self-Help for Social Anxiety. Helpguide.org. Retrieved 23 October 2017, from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder.htm
Tartakovsky, M. (2017). 6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety | Psych Central. Psych Central. Retrieved 23 October 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/6-ways-to-overcome-social-anxiety/