A month before the last term of my Counselling graduate program, I stumbled upon this cartoon while scrolling aimlessly down my Facebook newsfeed.  I hadn’t known it at the time, but several months later as I wrote a final reflection paper for my program supervisor, this sentiment expressed by Jim Rohn epitomized one of the most valuable messages I learned in my three years of training to be a professional helper.

Many of us seem to learn at an early age that helping others is a respectable behavior and taking care of others an even more refined and honorable ability than the former.  As children, we are taught to look out for our siblings; if we are the elder child, we may have even been told explicitly to help take care of our younger siblings.  As adolescents and young adults, we begin to take care of close friends–lending them notes if they miss class, being their sounding board when they feel down, even sometimes giving them rides or other resources as necessary.  Both men and women (perhaps more so women, but that’s another post for another blog) are messaged to take care of their partners, their spouses–in other words, to take care of each other.  

In our highly individualized society, of course, there is great importance in taking good care of one another.  Having recently moved to a new city for the first time in my life, I would surely attest to community and social support being key players in my feelings of wellness each and every day.  I am not dismissing the value of mutual care-taking.

However, in my years of studying the skills and theories of helping, I have also noticed an uprising in the emphasis on self-care as an essential pillar of well-being.  Some emphases are larger than others, but the seed has certainly been planted and is growing fast.  We–whether helping professionals, students, or other individuals who are too often inclined to help, care, and overextend to others on a daily basis– need to remember to also take care of ourselves.  Why?  Because we can!  We know ourselves best.  Our bodies tell us what we need when we need it–whether it is rest, food, social connection, or physical activity sometimes; we just need to learn to look for and listen to the signs and signals.  We are stronger, more resilient, and more capable of caring for ourselves than we know and it takes doing to actually see it and believe it.  Think about it: What are your strengths?  What are your resources?  How do you care for others?  Practicing excellent self-care maintains your physical and mental health, thus facilitating more positive relationships, effective learning, productive work, and–in fact, improves your ability to support others you care about when they need it.

Do you have favorite self-care strategies you want to share with us?  Leave a comment!

CREATE, Sept 2016

Our Health and Wellness team has been giving away star-shaped stress balls at a number of orientation-related events the last little while.  Have you seen them?  These bright yellow stars were intentionally designed to say “I am resilient” on one side because we hope that, as a student, you remember that you are resilient when you face the various challenges of university life.

Yes, you will face challenges–maybe even several!  Just remember you can face those challenges using the many strengths and coping strategies you already have.  Being resilient doesn’t mean having a problem free life; and it does it mean toughing things out on your own.  It means learning to manage setbacks in healthy effective ways so that you can get back on track and refocus on your academic and personal goals.  Being resilient means that you see problems such as failing an exam, arguing with a roommate, or feeling lonely as temporary and changeable.

We’ve talked with many UBCO students over the years, and this is what they say helps them be resilient:

Get involved

Try to find value in more than just your marks. Get involved in clubs, course and student unions, intramurals, the Academic Involvement Centre, or anything on campus that interests you.  Finding value and connection in different areas means that when you face a setback in one area of life you can still feel positive about another area of life.

Set realistic expectations

Expectations can be a useful way to motivate yourself; however, setting unrealistic expectations (e.g. I must achieve 90% in every course) results in feelings of defeat and failure. Ensure your expectations are possible and flexible in the event that life gets in the way.

Take care of yourself

Maintaining healthy eating, sleeping and exercise habits can have a big effect on your health. Sleep, diet and exercise give us the energy we need to manage small life stressors.

Manage your emotions

Managing emotions means recognizing when you are overwhelmed and learning to calm yourself down. Start by taking a deep breath. Avoid making any big decisions until you are in a calm state.

Help others

Helping others means shifting the focus from ourselves to someone else. This can make us feel more connected to others and our place in the world feel more meaningful.

Use your strengths and assets

Students are often so focused on improving that they forget to use what they are already good at. Take time to identify your strengths and assets. Using these daily builds confidence and helps us remember that we are capable, worthy people.

Laugh lots!

Humour can make any situation better. Is it possible to see the funny side of the problem? Find opportunities to make yourself laugh.

Avoid unhealthy coping strategies

Isolating, avoiding, and misusing alcohol and drugs are strategies people use to try to avoid pain. This may provide temporary relief, but eventually will make the problem worse.

Be kind to yourself

You likely will make a mistake or two this year, and may even feel ashamed or discouraged. Accept this and treat yourself with compassion. Treat yourself as you would a friend who made the same mistake.

Accept: “it is what it is’

We tend to fight against distressing thoughts and feelings trying to “will them” away. This struggle only serves to cause increased distress. There are some situations we just can’t change. Try to accept these feelings rather than avoid them.

If you’ve discovered strategies that you find helpful and would like to share them with us and/or other students, we would love to hear from you!  Just comment below 🙂