Leaning into peace–41 has arrived
by rebecca ~ December 8th, 2007. Filed under: Do the right thing, Ordinary Muse, Respite, Solstice Nears.
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“…half the confusion in the world comes
from not knowing how little we need.”
–1933, Admiral Richard E. Byrd, while living alone 7 months in Antarctica–
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My sister is caring for my son for the weekend. Fact: these two nights are the first time in over five years I have had the opportunity to be alone, deeply alone, for more than one day.
It feels good.
I am at that point again anyway in life where I have been taking moments of time in a day to stop and listen to what’s happening inside my mind–and I have been taking this time whenever/wherever I can find it. I have had the chance to reflect on where I am now and to consider where I might wish to go from here and toward what goals.
This returning to listen had to happen because I was feeling so numb and tired about everything I faced, life seemed a series of chores. To confess, only my son kept me feeling connected to this world.
I know I am able to focus on myself a bit because I see my son is better. He is getting good help from good people, and most importantly he lives each day filled with curiosity, joy, and energy–which is all any of us needs to flourish, to bloom our radiant orange flower.
I feel better now that I have stopped the rushing about mentally without any pause, though physically I am still often running around taking care of details and tasks (part of this behavior is habit, part is my metabolism/personality, and part of it is needed to take care of others).
Yet, it is all more pleasant for me lately because I have been consciously letting my mind step back at times and breathe, and I am able to reflect on what’s going on around me and inside me.
For me, without new ideas and dreams and goals, I would die a spiritual death–and I know that without conscious living I am a ghost in a human shell. Welcome back, self.
So the dreams have come back–I left a few windows open and that’s all it takes for a soul to resurrect. I won’t divulge my dreams…I prefer to keep them unvoiced, inside warm. I am off now to clean out my closet and donate whatever seems unnecessary.