This assignment was originally submitted on July 19 as part of Lesson 3:3. The purpose of this assignment was to provide my peer (Charles Wang) with feedback regarding his formal report draft. After reading through his draft, feedback was provided in the areas of content, organization, style and design. The only revision made to this assignment was the addition of a “suggested edits” section at the end, as per instructor feedback.
To: Charles Wang, ENGL 301 student
From: Alirod Ameri, ENGL 301 student
Date: July 19, 2021
Subject: Review of Formal Report Draft (“Determining Cost-Effective Methods for Increasing Workstation Ergonomics at the Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre of BC”)
Thank you for submitting this Formal Report Draft. The draft is currently on the right track to meet the main goals of this assignment, however there are a few aspects which should be improved.
Content
The draft features a comprehensive outline of the issue at hand, data which has been collected, and a possible solution to this problem. Out of the three sections of the report, the Possible Solutions and Conclusion sections should be improved as they are currently sparse in terms of content. It would be nice if more potential solutions are offered, as currently only one solution is mentioned. Additional information could also be provided about the feasibility of participating in ‘Green Standards’, such as the potential costs of this program and whether it could meet all needs at the centre.
The introduction section of the report provides a comprehensive outline of workplace comfort issues and musculoskeletal injuries. Although the intended reader of this report, Akhila Blaise, is already a staff member of the Centre, adding a paragraph briefly providing some background information about the Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre of BC would be helpful if this report happens to also be read by someone from outside of the organization.
Several sections of the report can be revised or further elaborated to enhance its usefulness for the reader. Any equipment which is mentioned (e.g. keyboards), should be identified by make, colour, model and/or serial number to allow the organization to better identify anything which needs to be repaired or replaced.
Although the same survey was completed both by volunteers and staff, did the responses between the two groups differ in any noticeable way? For example, since staff spend more time at the centre they might express greater dissatisfaction and discomfort with the equipment. Providing a breakdown of the results might illustrate some interesting trends.
In the discussion section, there are also examples of vague and subjective language. For example, it is stated that some participants found chairs to be “generally uncomfortable” to sit on. In these cases, the specific language from the survey should be correlated with the term used (e.g. ‘uncomfortable’ equals ‘negative’).
Organization
The Table of Contents and use of page numbers makes navigating through the report easy. Headings are effectively used in the report to delineate different sections. However, subheading could be added to further break apart different topics. Additionally, in the ‘Data Section’ spaces should be added between each paragraph/section.
Currently there are some issues with the way in which survey data is presented. Table 1 and Figure 1 appear to show data from the same survey. However, the responses in Table 1 are organized into five distinct categories (from ‘Always Positive’ to ‘Always Negative), whereas the responses in Figure 1 are only in three categories (‘Positive’, ‘Neutral’ and ‘Negative’). There is a bit of ambiguity here since there is no ‘Neutral’ category in the table, but there is one in the figure. Labels in the two figures should be kept consistent to reduce any potential for confusion. Additionally, if any categories are consolidated in Figure 1 (e.g., consolidating ‘Always Positive’ and ‘Often Positive’ into just ‘Positive), these changes should be specified in the figure legend.
While the report includes a citation list, only one citation is present. Additionally, there are no in-line citations shown in the MLA format. There is potential for additional citations to be added (for example, citations about the causes and consequences of MSIs).
Style
The tone of this report is completely objective, and most arguments rely on factual statements (e.g., survey data). The report maintains a positive outlook and seeks out a solution to this issue. No assumptions of blame or inflammatory comments about the organization or its personnel are present.
Some paragraphs in the report are overly verbose, as sentences are longer than it is necessary to communicate a certain point. Proofreading the report and revising some sentences can make the report concise and easier to follow. For example, on page 1, “a reduction in the number of call-takers who will be available to take calls” can be shortened to simply “a reduction in the number of call-takers.” Unnecessarily repeating information which has already been stated or can be reasonably deduced (i.e. the fact that call-takers “take calls”) can cause the reader to lose interest.
Another confusing element is the difference between volunteer and staff observations in the Data Section. The report mentions an “examination” and time spent “observing” volunteers during their shift. However, the survey was answered by both volunteers and staff. Is there a reason why staff workstations were not examined and observed, but staff were surveyed later? If there is a difference in the type of workstations typically used by volunteers compared to staff, this should be clearly articulated.
Design
Some changes can be made to the design of the document to make it easier to read and more visually attractive. It appears that the body text of the document is set in a dark grey colour, rather than pure black. All body text colour should be changed to black to ensure consistency and enhance readability for anyone looking at the report.
Although the font currently used in the report (Calibri) is legible and sufficient, it is important to note that Calibri is the default font for Microsoft Word. Using a different, yet still professional font could make the report appear more unique and original. Spaces should be added between paragraphs to help delineate different blocks of text. Headings and sub-headings should be enlarged to make them easy to find.
Adding additional images, such as pictures of the damaged equipment, will help readers of the report better understand the nature and scale of the issue being discussed.
Grammar and Spelling
Several minor spelling and grammar errors are identified below:
- “WorkSafeBC” should be written as a single word, not separately like “Work Safe BC” – page 1, paragraph 2.
- Add a ‘the’ to: “However, during the administering process…” – page 5, paragraph 2.
Conclusion
Overall, this draft clearly identifies and tackles an issue which is present at the Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre of BC. The survey and observational data presented in the report helps provide a clear and objective understanding of this matter. In order to prepare this report for final submission, several changes are necessary. The writing style of the report can be improved to make it easier to read and more concise. Some sections can be revised to resolve any ambiguities which are currently present. Adding in a comprehensive set of recommendations and a conclusion can help motivate the reader to take action towards resolving this issue.
Suggested Edits
- Improving the Possible Solutions and Conclusion sections will make the report more comprehensive.
- Adding a paragraph to the introduction can help provide some background information.
- Identifying any assessed equipment by specific characteristics allows the organization to better note anything which needs to be repaired or replaced.
- Providing a breakdown of staff and volunteer responses might illustrate some interesting trends.
- Avoid using vague, subjective or confusing terms.
- Adding additional references will improve the credibility of your report.
- Fixing grammar, spelling, style and formatting issues will make the report appear more professional and easier to read.
Charles Wang Draft Formal Report
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