Holy shit! After a news dry spell so long we had to start reviewing a Sauder mascot competition, UBC and the Province decided to announce everything on one day. Thank you, board meeting and day-before-the-Premier’s-campaign-fundraiser. Here’s a simple take on what’s going on (with files from Neal Yonson).

Oh, and the Ubyssey debuted a new article cleverly entitled The Scoop, a UBC Media roundtable. In which no conflicts of interest occurred, and we pretended to be legitimate and suffered through a lack of sparkles.

Five More Years with the Hottest DILF Around

The Sexy President and Vice-Chancellor Himself, Stephen J. Toope, got renewed for five more years (in addition to agreeing to sing a duet with Bijan at UBC’s Got Talent). That’s pretty simple, even a n00b can understand. “His second term as President will be driven by the University’s new strategic plan, Place and Promise, that was created under his stewardship.” What we still can’t understand, however, is what the fuck FROM HERE means.

UBC-O Gets Bigger, Still Not Hard Enough

UBC-O bought some land and doubled the size of their campus. What is to be done with this land, however, is “limited only by vision and imagination.” Oh, and they’re protecting some pond.

“UBC Life,” Death and Rebirth

“UBC Life”, a UBC-themed online message board, launched this week and then promptly disappeared when it became clear that the site’s owners had misrepresented themselves. Their fate was sealed by repeatedly attempting to convince people that the site was sponsored by UBC—kind of like how Serena’s dad tried to fake Lily’s cancer on Gossip Girl. Were they hoping UBC would back them once the site took off? Oh, foolish mortals.

Some tips for next time someone wants to impersonate UBC online: don’t register the domain name to the Vanier Front Desk, or use the UBC Crest. Definitely don’t send out a fake UBC Broadcast Email, making people paranoid about how you got so many email addresses (and definitely—definitely—don’t follow that up by mocking people who believed, if only briefly, that it was real). Finally, when the university goes out of its way to say they have nothing to do with you, don’t say you are “university-supported.” A few faculty members does not a university make.

Gorgeous sources at the OLT (that’s Office of Learning Technology—techies in the basement of IKB) say they’re looking into implementing BuddyPress on UBC Blogs with no timeline at the moment. The BuddyPress website says it’s great for building university social networks, so we’ll see if all our internet wet dreams come true. Otherwise, we’re just left with nightmares about bulletin boards. Because the idea of a UBC message board? kind of outdated—as evidenced by the fact that most of the posts on UBC Life came from within the already-formed BlogSquad/Rezlife scene. And, as opponents of the current power structure would be the first to say, the way to get more people involved with university life is /not/ to market it to the same old keeners.

But a social network for UBC students? Um, is there an appropriate way to typeset “moan of arousal”? (Even if all we’ll get is probably just another Vista.)

Girl Up the U-Pass, Already

Fuck, we wish. Seriously, why hasn’t it been pink—you thought brown was a better choice? We think it’s high time that Translink stop discriminating against “girl” colours and embrace the magenta. After all, what better way to overcome centuries [okay, like 1.5 of them] of social construction than by forcing all those neanderthals to proudly display their Big Pink Identity Cards? Man up and accept that magenta is awesome, or pay for your own damn bus pass. Considering all post-secondary students will now be getting a U-Pass—and that the gender gap at the university level has already tipped to a solid female majority—it’s time to paint Vancouver pink. Lisa Frank stickers optional.

Board of Governors Still Not As Awesome as Schwarzenegger

For all the super duper hacky hacks out there: Brad Bennett, the Chair of UBC’s Board of Governors, has stepped down. This means both a new board chair and a new board member…FRESH BLOOD!! Bill Levine is the new chair and Virginia Greene (in the kitchen with the lead pipe) will be the new member of the board. A UBC anthropology alumna, she’s done a bunch of cool stuff.

Without Further Ado, the Sauder Shit You’ve Been Waiting For:

Mascot Madness is finished, and coming in first place with a staggering 76 votes (beating “none of the above” by 23 votes) is our dear Japanese lioness, Okima. The most interesting thing to note is this little disclaimer under the results:

(Note: All designs will proceed for review by the CUS Board of Directors to determine the best representation of the undergraduate society.  As well, multiple production companies will be approached for concept drawings to help in this process. Final mascot may not be exactly as voted on.)

A little bird bee-comm told us that there’s no way Sauder is going to spend any more money on this shit. Oh, and they analyzed the results too. We’d personally love to see that Board of Directors meeting, in which they DEBATE A JAPANESE LION WITH A TIE WHO LOOKS LIKE PEDO BEAR. Don’t believe us? Allow us to introduce you to some copy & paste magic from here: