I’ve been listening to this song by One Republic each night as I fall asleep: Lullaby.
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June 8
Homesickness hits unexpectedly, as I anticipated it. It feels like apathy, manifesting itself as indifference, carelessness, and even selfishness. Being as sentimental in nature as I am, it urges me to look through the photos of friends and family which I brought from home. It tires me out easily, and makes me susceptible to irritation at simple things like insects or heat. I am tempted to sit here, to wallow in it with my earphones on, blocking out the realities of this village.
There’re so many challenges to our project planning. There are a lot of people to accommodate, and it’s a different experience planning debate conference from Vancouver altogether. We are all intent on making our projects work, and all keen on learning as much as we can to stay afloat in this new culture. Sometimes, this means that we have to fend for ourselves when faced with homesick feelings or apprehension at new things we must overcome.
I think this will pass soon. I wish it will, because it’s kept me from reflecting as effectively as I know I can and should. I would like to go to bed and curl up and sleep.
6:30 PM
Presenting to the classes at the high schools in this region is always a challenge because there are so many students in each class. It’s really a test of my public speaking skills, as well as my confidence. It gets easier with each class, though, which is a relief. Today I visited the last of the schools to visit, totalling six. The biggest challenge in organizing the Reading Clubs and the inter- school events has definitely been to figure out how to delegate responsibilities. There are so many high school students to manage that it gets overwhelming to the point of being inefficient. But I’m glad that Hannali gave me good advice that allowed me to delegate accordingly and really believe in my own leadership decisions.
I think that the people here are as uncomfortable and afraid of me as I am of them. Why do we have this divide? What causes the discomfort? Misunderstanding? Language? Currency? Motivation? Upbringing? Intentions?
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June 11, 2011
I’ve realized, while experiencing homesickness, that I only need to feel comfortable with myself and with my environment for me to feel at home.
I also find it difficult to separate myself from yearnings that come with longing for home and the ‘luxuries’ which we so easily call our essentials. Sometimes I am most conflicted because I can see that villagers face the realities which cause me to yearn for home every single day, as they have and will for the rest of their lives.
Trees touch windows say their hellos
Hear this house as it settles in
Worry slips away it don’t know your name
It don’t know where to find us