Ideally, I envision a school that has bulletins that display work that students have selected to display. I hear students asking questions, and I feel that there is transparency in the classroom so students feel that they are in charge of their own learning rather than the teacher dictating the content.
I feel that there are so many things to learn on practicum that it is a little overwhelming. Though I want students to have some control over what they would like to learn, I have been mostly planning the lessons myself. Though I know that it is important for students to participate and collaborate, I find myself calling for order and panicking when the classroom volume escalates. I am learning to discern what appropriate noise level is and when to stop it from escalating into silliness and dis- order. There are a lot of basic teaching skills that I am trying to master while also learning to be a tactful, effective, best practice teacher.
Ideally I would like to be partners in learning with my students. Right now I feel that I have that working relationship with some students who are eager to learn and inquire with me. The other students are either used to being given a worksheet or project to do that they become distracted if we have a ‘looser’ lesson structure that has intentions to be student- driven. There are also a few students who are still testing to see if I will be more lenient with our classroom rules, and I find myself having to constantly remind them that “now is not the time” or “please stay on task, you only have so and so minutes left to do your work” or “what should you be doing right now?” or “what are the classroom rules about that?”. I don’t want students to feel that I am targeting them when I remind them of classroom rules. Nor do I want students to get off- task during work time. It is difficult to find a balance between these things and more often than not I find myself having to play “bad cop” because we have curriculum to teach and there are established rules in the classroom that I do not want to disregard.
(Some days I feel that I am not the best teacher that I can be. It is true, as I am just starting my career. But I really let it get to me, without realizing that I have so much to learn and that it is okay to make mistakes. I am too much a perfectionist, and I care a lot about my students. On some days I feel so apologetic towards my students, because I wish I could be the best for them all the time. Sometimes I feel guilty that I have my learning moments at their expense, because in hindsight I know how I could have done better. )
Past the midpoint of our practicum– teaching full days now.