To: Jonathan Ho, Member of JJAM Writing Team
From: Ashley Yuan, Member of JJAM Writing Team
Date: December 9, 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Draft
Thank you for the first draft of the formal report. It was overall very well-written, concise, and well-organized. Please see below for further comments and suggestions in each section.
Content:
Introduction. Overall, the introduction is very clear and provides a good overview of the rest of the report. It includes a clear statement of the problem and the intended solution. Here is a suggestion to further improve the introduction:
- In the first paragraph, altering the first sentence to suit your reader’s knowledge base could make them more interested in reading the rest of the report. Since the report is addressed to SDM store owners, elaborating on important factors of retail (like in the second sentence) may spark more interest for the intended audience.
Data Section. Excellent work on a clear organizational flow in the data section. There was a clear structure of advantages and disadvantages that frame the recommendations clearly. See below for comments in each section:
The Current State of Shelf Labels at Shoppers Drug Mart
Sections including the update cycle and maintenance of the shelf-label system are well thought-out and the addition of visuals helped the understanding of the 5+2 cycle. One suggestion is:
- In the Disadvantages section, further elaborating on the negative effects of the manual update and time costs on SDM’s efficiency or sales could provide a stronger argument for why they lead to losses for SDM.
A Digital Alternative: The Electronic Shelf-Label System
The flow from advantages and disadvantages of the current label system to those of the digital system clearly captures the benefits of the new system. Please see the following suggestion:
- In the first paragraph, introducing the specific mechanisms of the ESL system could clarify to the reader how ESLs can be implemented. For instance, including how it is centrally managed can clarify the pricing error issue in the Disadvantages section.
Customer and Employee Preferences
The integration of findings of customer and employee preferences creates a strong argument for ESLs. Here is a suggestion for this section:
- In the Customer Opinion section, pairing the first survey question with a graph can further emphasize this finding. For instance, a bar graph contrasting the customer opinions for the two systems would be effective.
- Providing an interpretation of Figure 2 can further reinforce the customer’s preference for electronic over paper labels.
- Providing possible negative effects of 1-2 incidents in an 8-hour shift can show the reader that these errors should not be overlooked.
Conclusion. The summary of findings and recommendations are concise and mention all the main points of the report.
- In the Interpretation of Findings Section, further explaining how “the need to retrain staff quickly disappears with time” would provide the readers with conclusions to all disadvantages.
- Mentioning how the findings can resolve or mediate the losses SDM experience (mentioned in the 3rd paragraph of the Introduction) and the SCOP will further strengthen the argument for switching to ESLs.
Organization
The overall report was very easy to follow, and each idea clearly flowed from one point to the other. In particular, the mixture of lists, tables, and short paragraphs made the report a simple read. There was also a good combination of both advantages and disadvantages of shelf talkers and ESLs, which strengthened the argument for ESLs. Good job!
Figures and Tables
All figures and tables are appropriately designed and integrated into the report. The addition of a figures and tables section in the table of content made it easy to locate. A few suggestions are:
- In Figure 3, including x and y-axes titles would help readers interpret the graph more easily.
- Providing images of the electronic shelf label and/or the central control system could give readers a clearer idea of what exactly the proposed solution entails.
Design
The overall format of the report is well-designed. The spacing and indentation make it easy to follow along. The figures and charts were also adequate and added to the readability of the report.
- In The Current State/Advantages and Disadvantages sections, there is extra spacing in front of both Advantages and Disadvantages paragraph.
Style/Grammar/Tone
Overall, the tone is subjective and positive throughout the paper. It demonstrates a you-attitude when discussing improvements.
Here are a few minor suggestions:
- In the final sentence of the Advantages paragraph, there is a minor grammatical error– “spent” should be in present tense “spend”.
- Throughout the paper, whenever SDM employees are mentioned, changing “a SDM employee” to “an SDM employee” would create a better flow.
Conclusion
Overall, well done with the report. It was very convincing and provides a strong argument for ESLs. Here is a summary of suggestions:
- Altering the introduction to suit the readers’ knowledge base
- Elaborating on negative effects of manual update and time costs in the Disadvantages section
- Including explanations for the specific mechanisms of the ESL system in A Digital Alternative section
- Including a (bar) graph for the first survey question in the Customer Opinion section
- Providing an interpretation of Figure 2 to reinforce customer preferences
- Including possible negative effects of labelling inaccuracies for the findings shown in Figure 3
- Explaining the changes in employee training in the Interpretation of Findings section in the Conclusion
- Describing how the findings resolve and/or mediate the losses SDM experience (mentioned in the 3rd paragraph of the Introduction) in the Interpretation of Findings section
Please let me know if you have further questions about the peer review.
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