Memorandum
To: Syed Ahmed, Team Undefined writing member
From: Elton Kok, ENGL 301 student
Date: December 8, 202
Subject: Peer Review of Recommendations for Increasing Teacher Morale Via Improved Workload Management at TNS Beaconhouse
Thank you for taking the time to write this formal report draft on recommendations for increasing teacher morale via improved workload management at TNS Beaconhouse. It is certainly a great first draft. Below are the comments and improvements that could be made which could help improve this report.
First Impressions
This report is well written and has a thoroughly explored data section. It clearly identifies the issues teachers face at TNS Beaconhouse and the scope of the report. The design and presentation of the graphs could use a consistent colour scheme and have a separate block for a graph as opposed to having it in-line which makes it somewhat harder to read. Overall, this report is well-organized and well-researched.
Introduction
The introduction of this report does a great job of introducing the background of TNS Beaconhouse and how teachers are being overworked. The introduction also highlights the negative consequences of overworking teachers which impacts student performance and cites this information with secondary resources. In the purpose of report and scope of inquiry subsections, the report switches to a first-person tone. However, the report should be using a third-person tone which should be consistent throughout the report. Doing this will also adhere to the “You Attitude” style of writing by avoiding unnecessary pronouns.
Data Section
The data section of this report presents the data collected from interviews and surveys well. It clearly describes the trends/statistics observed in each figure and table. The data collected presents a powerful argument to the reader about the current issues at TNS Beaconhouse. A couple of minor issues are seen in this section of the report.
- The Data Section is titled “Data Summary” in the Table of Contents
- Consider using a table to show the data for each teacher (e.g. teacher 1, how many students taught, hours of work taken home, weekly teacher hours)
Conclusion
The conclusion section of this report is very well-written. It interprets the results of the data section and lists reasonable solutions to the current issues at TNS Beaconhouse. In the proposed solutions section, focusing on using the “You Attitude” writing style would help immensely. The sentences in this subsection of the conclusion are using some imperative verbs. Avoiding imperative verbs will help to keep the reader happy and in a positive mindset whilst reading the report.
Content
This report contains a lot of compelling research and data that shows the reader issues of overwork that teachers at TNS Beaconhouse face. The data section does a great job at presenting the data and describing trends/statistics of the graphs and tables. The report concludes with a list of proposed solutions which are all reasonable solutions given the data presented in the data section.
Organization
This report is organized very well into defined headings and subheadings. There is a minor detail that may have been missed on this first draft.
- Missing some bolding on subheadings
Style
Overall, this report is written in an objective, and positive tone. However, there are some subsections which could use more of a “You Attitude” tone to cater towards the reader. Keeping the tone in third person throughout the report will also help improve the tone of the writing.
Design
The data and tables presented in the data section all have a lot of pertinent and well displayed information. The following are a list of improvements that could be made to better represent the data.
- Using similar colour and font scheme of for all graphs
- Ensuring labels/text on figures
- Putting figures and tables on their line/block and having a caption for each of them. This makes the text easier to read
Grammar and Spelling
This report contains a couple of spelling and grammar issues. The is a list of a couple spelling and grammar errors that were found in this draft.
- Using the third person instead of the first person
- Misspelling of “therefore” in the Scope of Inquiry section
- Removing the comma after “whereas” in Accounting for teacher workload at TNS section in the Data Section
- Adding a “is” in “This typically work…” in the second sentence when describing figure 3
- Misspelling of “visas” in table 1
- Misspelling of “discrepancy”, “acknowledged”, and “flexibility” in the Interpretation of Findings section
Concluding Remarks and Recommendations
This first draft of the report is quite amazing, but it could be further improved on by the following list of suggestions.
- Fixing the minor spelling and grammar errors
- Keeping the tone consistent in third person
- Naming the “Data Summary” in the table of contents to “Data Section”
- Focusing on “You Attitude” style of writing in the proposed solutions section
- Using similar colour and font scheme for all graphs
- Having tables and graphs on their own line as opposed to wrapped between text
Reading this report was thoroughly enjoyable and these suggestions should help elevate this great report to an amazing one.
Enclosure: 301 Syed Ahmed – Formal Report Draft
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