Editing out pronouns when possible is one of the writing techniques that will make your writing more polished and professional, as well as improving conciseness and clarity. Following are some examples from student work.
Peer Review for Definition Assignment
EXAMPLE: “I have reviewed your post on the team forum regarding Algorithm Definitions. First off I would like to applaud your creativity and ease in which you applied several methods of explaining the problem via visuals, negations, origin and examples. It felt very natural and cohesive to read from start to finish and from a fellow comp sci student, I enjoyed the care you took on your assignment as to not overwhelm anybody who may read this material for the first time. As such, I would like to offer the following possible suggestions you may use for your editing on the next assignment (12 pronouns and 105 words).
REWRITE: Your definition of Algorithm is creative with the 4 required expansion methods: visuals, negations and etymology and examples. The document flows naturally and is cohesive from start to finish. As a fellow comp sci student, I appreciate your approach for the novice reader. Following are possible suggestion for editing future assignments (3 pronouns and 49 words) .
EXAMPLE:
“I have taken the time to review your term definitions for Distributed systems and I wanted to acknowledge that it was a very concise and informative term that you chosen to write about. I have always been intrigued by certain terms in the computing sciences field, and you have definitely made it an enjoyable experience learning deeper about distributed systems, especially since I have very limited knowledge about it. Furthermore, in the growing world of technology, I believe it is beneficial to acquire more knowledge regarding information technology and computing sciences to advance both professionally and academically (96 words).
Note: never end a sentence with a two-letter word.
REWRITE without pronouns: “I” and “ you”
The term ‘Distributed Systems’ is a good choice for this assignment, the definitions are concise and informative. The field of Computing science is intriguing and acquiring new terms is an enjoyable and beneficial learning experience for the novice professional or academic (41 words).
EXAMPLE: “I have reviewed your assignment of Dental Amalgam Definitions, thank you for the nice and great information, you have carefully answered to this assignment aspects. Upon reading the document, I understood the term and the exact composition of the Dental Amalgam material. I believe it could be used as a teaching material for the public reader or patients in dental clinics as it simplifies the technicality of the term and defines it clearly. Being a hygienist as well, I would probably use the information with minor revisions in the organization of the information (5 pronouns and 93 words).
REWRITE: Thank you for posting your assignment for review, the assignment is informative and fulfills the requirements. The definition simplifies and defines the term ‘Amalgam’ and could be used for teaching material for the public. As a fellow hygienist, there are minor revisions to recommend in the organization of the document (2 pronoun and 53 words).
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Example: 169 words
After completing this assignment, the main skill that I obtained from this assignment is the ability to define a complex term. Prior to this assignment, I did not actually know that there are different ways to define a singular term. I had personally always used the sentence method when defining a term. This assignment then also gave me a lot of insight on how academic articles define technical terms and why their methods are extremely effective. One major takeaway from this assignment in regards of my own writing is how easily I assume that everyone will understand the technical terms I use in my writing. For example terms such as real numbers, natural numbers, and integers are all terms that are easy for me to understand due to my knowledge of mathematics, but are most likely difficult for people with no prior knowledge in the field of mathematics to understand. This assignment also will greatly improve my ability to explain mathematical terms to students when I am tutoring mathematics.
Rewrite: 64 words
The definition assignment demonstrates three ways to define a complex term for a novice reader. Researching academic articles provided insight on methods for defining terms. A major ‘take-away’ from the assignment is recognizing that complex technical terms such as ‘real numbers’ and ‘natural numbers’ and ‘integers’ need to be simplified for novice readers. This assignment will be useful for tutoring mathematics in the future.
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Editing out the Pronouns and including details
Please study the examples:
“I enjoyed reading your proposal for the improvement of project team experience in the AMS Game Development Association. Although I have not personally participated in AGDA, it sounds the problem you would like to explore and solve would be very beneficial for students participating in this club. Overall, I think you did a great job introducing AGDA, the problem, solutions, scope, methods, and qualifications. Following are some suggestions for further improving this proposal “(73 words):
The above paragraph needs details:
- What is the problem?
- What is the proposed solution?
- What methods are proposed
I am going to rewrite including the details and editing out the pronouns as an example of how to write clearly (with nouns) and concisely (without pronouns).
“Your proposal for improving participant’s experience with the AMS Game Development Association is enjoyable to read. Solving the problems indicated; unbalanced teams and poor communication, would indeed benefit both the student participants and the Year End Event. The proposed solutions; improving the team development process and increasing communications re instructions and deadlines with participants, define the scope of the investigation and surveying the participants should provide excellent primary data. Following are some suggestions for further improving this proposal (78 words).”
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