To: Cathy Liu, ENGL 301
From: Yifan Wang, ENGL 301
Date: Oct 1, 2021
Subject: Review of Term Definitions
Thanks for posting your definition for the term “Blockchain,” While not familiar with the term, the definition provides a good explanation. Please see some suggestions for further improving the assignment.
Situation and audience:
The instructions ask for a description of the reading situation, which is necessary for evaluating the effectiveness of the level of definition. Also, when writing the definition, having a situation and target audience in mind is helpful in guiding the style of your writing.
Parenthetical definition:
“non-fungible tokens” sounds like a jargon in finance or commerce, and is a bit hard to understand, but is indeed a valid synonym for blockchain.
Sentence definition:
The sentence definition is well-written, and captures the essence of blockchain well.
Expanded definition:
The first paragraph gives a clear general introduction of blockchain and is truly a pleasure to read.
- The only minor issue is that the word “ledger” might sounds unfamiliar to people without accounting or finance background.
The second paragraph uses comparison and contrast method for blockchain and database.
- The lack of intended audience makes it a bit unclear whether the introduction of database is appropriate. If the intended audience is people who with some background in Computer Science yet unfamiliar with cryptocurrency or blockchain, then this paragraph is very clear. However, for people without such background, a brief explanation of what database is might be needed.
- The visual after the second paragraph is clear but might be more relevant to the third paragraph.
The third paragraph introduces the usage and advantage of blockchain, which gives people without a finance background a clear picture of why blockchain is a good choice in finance industry.
The last paragraph starts by asking a question that might concern a lot of reader when they reach this part, the explanation is also easy to understand.
Revisions
Here are some revisions that might help further improve the writing
- Including a situation and target audience at the beginning.
- Using more daily language in parenthetical definition and expanded definition, if possible.
- Explaining some technical terms briefly.
In general, these definitions are well-written with only minor issues. Hope this review help in writing the second draft. Please feel free to ask any question.
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