To: Danisa Rambling, Student in ENGL 301 Technical Writing at UBC
From: Morgan Lorenz, Student in ENGL 301 Technical Writing at UBC
Date: October 18, 2021
Subject: Review of Proposal Assignment 2:1 – Formal Report Proposal
Peer Review / Formal Report Proposal: Proposal for Expanding Financial Aid Resources at the University of British Columbia.
Thank you for the articulate and well-informed proposal detailing the critical problems existing within current financial aid support available at the University of British Columbia (UBC). The proposal clearly details financial insecurity of university students and strategies that could be better utilized to incorporate further equity and academic stability at large for students. Please see the detailed review of the proposal below with some suggestions for improvement.
First Impression:
This is a clear proposal that narrows in on a problem that poses sincere consequences to the targeted audience. The targeted audience, while isn’t explicitly outlined in the proposal, is clearly financially insecure students who rely on financial aid or funding for support in their academic pursuits. In order to proceed further, an edit to your submission must include a description of your target audience. Based on the information presented, the current submission meets almost all of the assignment requirements. It is missing a description of the target audience. With exception of this missing information, the current submission is well organized and follows the format of a research proposal.
Organization:
- The format follows a research proposal layout.
- The proposal contains an introduction, problem statement, one proposed solution, scope of the research problem, methods, qualifications, and a conclusion.
- Excellent work on presenting all the material required for review.
Content:
- The proposal is complete and answers questions about what, why, when, and where.
- It reports a specific problem with potential recommendations.
- Proposal is complemented with an email memorandum.
- Submission is missing a description of the intended audience. Please revise to include a segment in submission that describes the intended audience and/or target reader.
Clarity:
- The submission included thorough details behind numbers presented. This clarification made the proposal easy to follow and quantitatively sound.
- Where the proposed solution proposes redistributing the university budget, the submission would benefit from more concrete examples to back up their points for the statements shared in order to ensure clarity and evidence-based work is at the forefront of information submitted.
- Please review the grammar used throughout the proposal to ensure the tone and tense used is seamless across the proposal.
Highlights/Weaknesses:
- This is an incredibly important issue and a great topic of research interest for the intended audience.
- Primary sources from direct interviews and impacted students will greatly aid the data collected to inform this formal report.
- There is concern for bias between administration information collected versus university student information collected.
- Great use of statistical research and analysis from articles. This helps present the potential severity of the problem.
- Ensure that the lens used throughout the report is clear as interviews could lead to some bias in terms of report and data collection.
- Encourage diving further into the “how” behind redistributing the budget.
Audience:
- It is unclear who is the intended audience. Please clarify in editing the submission.
Concluding Comments:
This proposal on increasing financial aid resources for students is well-informed and has potential to be impactful. It is backed by primary resources with qualified personnel and extraneous secondary sources, aiding with collecting meaningful results and recommendations. The following adjustments would make this proposal even better:
- Further review of grammatical errors
- Adjustment of the research proposal subject
- Correction of unclear statements
- Add clarification for intended audience.
Wonderful work! Thank you for this opportunity to learn more about the underlying challenges facing financial aid support at UBC. This proposal is on track for success, and clearly illustrates the ability to form an informative formal report. I look forward to checking in further on this work and hope to read your report at its completion. If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Warmly,
Morgan
Proposal: Danisa Proposal
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