To: Cathy Liu, ENGL 301 student
From: Yang Liu, ENGL 301 student
Date: Oct. 18th
Subject: Peer Review for Formal Report Proposal
Thank you for your proposal in improving the Internship Course Placement of University of Toronto Mississauga (UTM) Commerce students. Your proposal provides a brief review of the challenge that UTM commerce students face in enrolling in the MGT480 course and a feasible solution to help solve the problem. It is my first time to know something about UTM, and I also think it is urgent to take any action to change the MGT 480 courses. Your proposal is well organized into many parts, and I can easily follow your idea. Here are some suggestions for you to improve your proposal:
Introduction:
I like the way you used in approaching your actual problem. You start with the benefits and essentialities of providing a co-op program. Then, you narrowed the scope down to UTM co-op programs/courses and gave an overview of the MTG 480 class. In general, your introduction provides enough details without losing conciseness. However, You can avoid some long sentences because they are somehow hard to follow. For example, you can replace the “not only… but also” with “… and …”. Also, you can delete “but not limited to ” in “such as but not limited to …”. In a formal report, I recommend you avoid any oral words like “a lot of” or “lots of” and instead use words like “many”. There are few grammar mistakes in your proposal, such as “a lot of the Top-Tier universities offers (offer) …”.
Problem Statement & Proposed Solution:
Your problem statement part is excellent. You summarized the introduction part and then pointed out the keys to solving the problem in the MTG 480. The program has to attract more companies and offers students more internship opportunities. However, as a reader, I am curious about the deep reasoning of why not enough companies. For example, the reason behind this may be the labour demand is not enough in the market or students are not skilled enough, so many previous collaborators/companies quit. A deep reasoning process can also provide confidence to your audiences, and it is easy to persuade them if they know you understand this problem in deep. The deep reasoning process can also help you improve the proposed solution. The question and answer are too easy to be accepted by your audiences now.
As mentioned previously, you can use fewer long sentences to make your paragraph follow. The first sentence is too long, and I recommend you rephrase it. “As a result” appears many times in this section, and you can try another expression.
Scope:
Your scope session is clear. You have listed four crucial questions about job seeking. By answering these questions, your audiences can better know the drawbacks of the MGT 480 course setting. Students’ opinions can also help your audiences improve the course structures. However, I would like to see more questions concerning the feasibility of ” attract more employers through utilizing social media platforms, along with providing mentor support and interview preparation.” For example, what social media will companies use more frequently to see your advertisements about this course? What kinds of people will students prefer as their mentors? Will students choose a one-to-one tutorial instead of a one-to-many tutorial? It would be best if you concern more about YOUR plan instead of the general questions.
Methods:
Your primary and secondary data sources are enough to answer your question in the scope session. However, you should include a specific method with your secondary data sources, either interviews or surveys.
My Qualification:
You have shown a strong background in helping improve the replacement. Nothing needs to change.
Conclusion:
Your conclusion provides a summary of your proposal and your request. Your request is polite and straightforward, and nothing needs to change.
You have provided me with a clear review of the UTM MTG 480 course problem, and I hope my suggestions for you are helpful. Feel free to ask me any questions about my suggestions.
Link: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/16/formal-report-proposal-3/
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