To: Yang Liu, Students of ENGL 301
From : Cathy Liu, Students of ENGL 301
Date: October 18th, 2021
Peer Review: Research Proposal for Determining the Feasibility of Providing New Workshops
It was a pleasure to read your research proposal for Determining the Feasibility of Providing New Workshops. Below are some suggestions for improvements.
First Impressions
Your proposal is quite impressive overall. Your proposal is well organized and have included all the requirements.
Organization
- Started with intended audience, which reveals immediately to whom the proposal is addressed to
- All the sub titles are bolded and labelled correctly with space in between.
- Too much spacing after “I plan to pursue four areas of inquiry:”
Expression:
- Overall, the expression is clear and concise and the tone is professional
- Some grammatical error might make proposal sounds less professional and convincing
- Some places sounds lengthy and less concise. For example: “Even though students can practice when they write their programming assignments or participate in co-op programs, their programming skills are not enough to meet the actual industry requirements.” This sentence can be revised to: “Even though students can practice through programming assignments and co-op programs, their programming skills are not enough to meet the industry standard.”
- Another example: “A new graduating student faces many challenges in seeking jobs, and technology companies must lower their employment requirements for incoming new graduating students.” The phrase “incoming new graduating students” can be expressed as “new graduates”.
Content:
- The assignments is complete with all the requirements
- The introduction gives thorough background on the current job market for CS graduates and where the problem arises.
- The transition between introduction and the problem statement is very smooth and attention-grabbing.
- Maybe add more details in the Qualification section. It might be a good idea to share some personal struggles or work experiences to support your idea/proposal.
Grammar and Typos:
- There are a number of errors. For example: “As a top-ranking university globally, UBC helps students acquire computational thinking and problem-solving skills by delivering professional computer science courses.” “Globally” can be removed to sound more natural.
- The following sentence structure seems odd. “In the workshop, students practice coding in some specific programming languages, learn about standard use models/packages and any tips in programming.” Maybe change to “In the workshop, students can practice coding in specific programming languages, learn about standard use models/packages, and receives tips in programming.”
Concluding comments
Your proposal is interesting to read, informative, and well organized. This proposal will be even more convincing with the following edits and some proof reads:
- Adjust the spacing will improve readability
- Self-editing for grammar error
- Self-editing for redundant expression
- Adding a more details for qualifications
It is my pleasure reviewing this proposal. Let me know if you have any questions.
Link: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/10/15/proposal-for-determining-the-feasibility-of-providing-new-workshops/
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