Peer Review of Jordan Zhao’s Formal Report Proposal

To: Jordan Zhao, ENGL 301 Student Writer
From: Johnathan Tam, ENGL 301 Student Reviewer
Date: October 18, 2021
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal

Peer Review/ Formal Report Proposal: Proposal for Improving Ridership Efficiency on the Bus Route 49 to UBC, as part of TransLink Metro Vancouver

Thank you for submitting this proposal for improving the ridership efficiency on the bus route 49 to UBC. As someone who personally takes the bus route 49 to UBC each day, I felt a strong connection to this topic and am very excited to see the results from further research.  Please see below for some suggestions to further improve this proposal.

First Impressions:

• This proposal does a fantastic job in illuminating the issue surrounding bus delays and ridership inefficiencies, especially for University students who take the bus daily.
• Add a section regarding the intended reader(s) for the formal report.
  • Explain why the TransLink Board of Directors would be the appropriate reader to act on these recommendations.

Organization:

• Very well-organized proposal arranged in a logical and systematic manner.
• Clear headings with appropriate titles for each section.

Introduction:

• The introduction is well-written with background information that highlights the company Translink and begins to present the issue of ridership inequality.
• Tying the paper together with the COVID pandemic is a very interesting idea.
  • This makes the proposal more engaging by including a current world-wide issue.
• Including some background information about COVID-19, or a definition technique from the definitions assignment, would be helpful for further clarification.

Statement of Problem:

• As stated above, the issue is well-presented and outlines why waiting times are increasing and the inefficiency of the boarding process.
• It would help with ease of understanding if there were further explanation as to how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting riders. For example:
  • “Currently, passengers are precautious with the current COVID-19 situation at hand”
    • Why does the COVID-19 pandemic make riders precautious?

Proposed Solution:

• This section clearly illustrates a solution for the problem addressed in the previous section.
• It innovatively adopts a simple, yet efficient method that is being implemented on other bus routes managed by TransLink.

Scope:

• There are seven excellent areas of inquiry outlined which will help in determining the feasibility of improving ridership efficiency for the bus route 49.

Methods:

• The primary method of data collection (consultation and surveys) is well-reasoned and will help to inform the seven areas of inquiry.
• Secondary data sources (literature review) would be helpful in the data collection.
  • It could be worthwhile to explore previous research conducted on ridership inefficiency and look for relevant topics to the issue and solution in this proposal.

Grammar and Technical Errors:

• There are a few comma errors in the proposal. For example:
  • “TransLink is the main provider for transportation to students over the lower mainland of Vancouver, they oversee all operations and could improve efficiency on bus route 49 but acting on recommendations.”
    • This is a comma splice error as the comma is incorrectly used to join two independent clauses. Use a period to separate the two clauses into separate sentences.
  • “This leads the drivers to mistakenly believe that the bus is at full capacity which leads to waiting customers.”
    • A comma is needed after “capacity.”
• The acronym “UBC” is not properly labelled. For example:
  • “The company has provided a valuable service to students as a direct route to the University of British Columbia and many other institutions.”
    • After “University of British Columbia,” include “UBC” in brackets so it is clear to readers the acronym UBC, used onwards in the proposal, is referring to University of British Columbia.
• Some sentences have small errors which make it a bit confusing to read. For example:
  • “The following buses need to constantly try to pick up passengers as a result and at times does end up filling the bus.”
    • Need to rephrase the sentence or add commas
  • “For many years and years to come”
    • The “and years” is redundant here and can be removed. It is sufficient to state “For many years to come.”

Conclusion:

This formal report proposal is well-organized, detailed, and enjoyable to read. By making the following changes, it can be further improved to become an excellent document:

• Adding a section for the intended reader(s) and explain why this reader(s) has the authority to act on these recommendations
• Including background information on the COVID-19 pandemic
• Explain how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting bus ridership
• Including secondary sources (literature review) as a method of data collection
• Double-check for grammatical errors, rephrase certain sentences, and label the acronym “UBC”

It was a pleasure to review this assignment. Please do not hesitate to ask any questions.

Best,

Johnathan Tam

Link to Formal Report Proposal: Jordan Zhao_Formal Report Proposal