Review of Your Proposal Assignment 2:1 – Formal Report Proposal

To: Morgan Lorenz, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC

From: Danisa Rambing, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC

Date: October 18, 2021

Subject: Review of Your Proposal Assignment 2:1 – Formal Report Proposal

Peer Review / Formal Report Proposal: Proposal of University Students Meeting Requirements for Physical Activity

Thank you for your submission of a well structured proposal detailing the urgent problems that arise from the daily sedentary lifestyles of many university students. This proposal clearly illustrates the critical issues surrounding the health and wellbeing of university students in school who could benefit from your recommendations on increased physical activities and a better school-life balance. Please see the review of the proposal with some suggestions for improvement.

First Impression:

This is a clear proposal that brings up a public health issue which urgently requires action to improve the physical and mental health of university students. It meets all the assignment requirements, is well organized, and follows the format of a research proposal.

Organization:

• The format follows a research proposal layout.
• The proposal contains an introduction, a problem statement, proposed solution, scope of the research problem, the methods that the proposal will use, the author’s  qualifications, and a conclusion to the proposal.
• Great job on discussing all the material required for review.

Content:

• The proposal is complete and answers questions about what, why, when, and where.
• It reports a specific problem with potential recommendations.
• Proposal is complemented with an email memorandum

Clarity:

• Throughout the proposal, it often times becomes hard to pinpoint a direct and specific audience the proposal is targeting. While the proposal provides specific examples of the issues that arise from lack of resources promoting student wellness, the proposal often fails to provide a call to action to execute the solutions suggested.
• In the scope component of the proposal, I would encourage the student to look observe demographic-specific variables which may factor into a student’s wellbeing. This can include, but should not be limited to, socioeconomic status, specific majors (e.g. STEM majors, Arts), or race/cultures which may act as a unique barrier to specific students’ stress levels.
• The specific pool of individuals the proposal observes isn’t mentioned until the scope component of the proposal, where the report mentions UBC students to be the demographic of interest. I would encourage you to bring this topic up earlier in the proposal.
• While there are a number of good sources used to back up the existence of the issue raised, the proposal lacks concrete suggestions on how the issue can be solved. When mentioning “150 minutes a week” is the recommended time for physical activity, the report doesn’t suggest how this could be achieved. Likewise, although its mentioned that “lowering screen time to 3 hours a day” is highly recommended, the proposal fails to provide alternate solutions to reduce screen time.
• While the proposal uses statistics and secondary sources strongly to backup opinions, I would encourage the student to further show the gravity of the situation by presenting the proven consequences of not advocating for student wellness (i.e. suicide rate/trends, depression rates)

Highlights/Weaknesses:

• This is a very important issue and an excellent topic to research.
• There are many articles that illustrate the issues of physical and mental wellbeing in university students.
• Great use of secondary research and analysis from articles. The concrete examples and statistics provides a strong argument for the proposal.
• The proposal misses a topic-specific title. In the Formal Report Proposal, you should include the specific topic of the proposal, or at least a working title
• The proposal’s methodology would improve with the addition/acknowledgement of the student’s/sources’ reporting bias.

Audience:

• The proposal does not explicitly state the intended audience. The proposal suggests that the intended audience is directed towards UBC administration or government sources who provide funding for student wellness, however this is never explicitly mentioned.

Concluding Comments:

This proposal on improving student wellness has great potential. The proposal uses great secondary resources to provide realistic context of the current situation surrounding student health. The following adjustments would make this proposal outstanding.

• Include more variables in the methodology when analyzing the factors of student health
• Include concrete suggestions to solve the issue at hand
• Addition of a (working) proposal title
• Clarify the intended audience

Great job Morgan. The proposal is on track for success, and it shows the ability to form a research proposal. There will be success in finding approval to conduct further review of the topic. Please let me know if you have any further questions.

Best,

Danisa Rambing