Assignment 3:3 Peer Review of Zoe Maika’s Formal Report Draft

Memorandum

To: Zoe Maika, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC

From: Tamara Oman, Student ENGL 301 Technical Writing UBC

Date: November 19, 2021

Subject: Assignment 3:3 Peer Review of Formal Report Draft 

 

Formal Report Draft: Causal Analysis of Food Waste at Mount Saint Joseph Hospital

The formal report draft submitted is well-written, organized and is extremely insightful. Please see below a review for the Formal Report Draft for Causal Analysis of Food Waste at Mount Saint Joseph Hospital as a requirement for Assignment 3:3. 

First Impressions

• A clear issue regarding food waste in healthcare systems globally is identified, the impacts of the problem are well-defined and addressed through the report.
• The formal report draft is interesting, uses primary data gathered to explain the main sources of waste and offers a realistic solution to Jessica Loyva, the general manager of food services at the Mount Saint Joseph Hospital, which is an ideal candidate to consider and implement the recommendations.  

Title Page

• The title page is clean and organized and contains all the required elements needed for a complete title page. 
• The two most important elements included are:

1. The Working Title: which is simple and logically outlines the purpose of the report
2. The Audience: which is clear and addressed correctly

Table of Contents

• The table of contents clearly identifies each section with its heading, subheading and the correct page number associated with each element.
• The three figures contained in the report have also been correctly identified and labelled. 
• This page is well organized and easy to read. 

Introduction

• Definition and background: Simple and straightforward, the problem starts as a global issue and narrows to a national level
• Description of the problem: The problem is serious and successfully described
• Purpose and methods: The purpose is logical for the defined problem and the two methods used for primary data collection are clearly explained
• Scope of inquiry: Six important questions and areas explain in the report are listed
• Conclusion: Is extremely clear and concise

Body

Five important areas are analyzed and identified with appropriate subheadings. 

• Each subsection is used logically and flows into the next
• The three figures are appropriate and offer the analysis of data to be gathered in an easy to understand graph
• Figure 2 may be more impactful if the associated percentages were included in the pie pieces
• The interpretation of data is well presented to the reader

Conclusion

• Overall summary is simple and includes the major areas of analysis.  Separating solutions for both acute and long-term care is intelligent and appropriate.
• Three recommendations are offered for acute care:

1. Tracking which patients have been and haven’t been visited
2. Adding an afternoon visit prior to diner service 
3. Adding a hostess for weekend patients

• The recommendations add significant value to the current tracking system and have the potential to reduce food waste at the hospital.
• The recommendations for long-term care are not yet identified in this draft. Finalizing this section is a critical edit necessary before submitting the final report.

Content

The content is appropriate and easy to understand.

• The most informative area of the report is in the body, Food Waste Management Systems in BC Healthcare Facilities, where current waste systems and their effectiveness are explained and identified in two figures.  This section allows the reader to understand the importance of the issue.
• The conclusion has not yet been completed, which offers an opportunity for improvement prior to finalizing.
• An observation is that the data analysis section seems short.  The suggested word count for the final draft is between 2500 and 3000 words. The draft is just over 2000 words, therefore there is area for further development in order to attain the appropriate final word count.
• The language used in the report is well aimed for the targeted audience, who is a professional in the healthcare food service, there are no technical terms identified to be clarified.  The structure of the report is logical and flows in an organized progression keeping each section relevant to the reader.
• In-text references in MLA style is correctly used for all secondary data used.

Organization

The overall organization of the draft is extremely clear and effective. 

• Each component flows with the previous element, and offers the report value
• Each page has been correctly labelled and identified in the table of contents
• Headings and subheadings are logical and clearly describe the following section
• There have been no excessive chunks of text identified allowing for the overall read to be impactful

Style and Design

The formal draft is extremely clean and visually appealing.

• Through the report, objective and an overall positive, you-attitude tone is used
• A negative tone is only used in the necessary areas such as causes of plate waste
• Each figure is appropriate and offers the text valuable information easily understood with a graph

Final Comments

• The formal report draft for Causal Analysis of Food Waste at Mount Saint Joseph Hospital is well-written, structured, referenced correctly and is overall extremely interesting to read.
• The report contains a well explained background, data analysis and realistic recommendations.
• The tone is technical, professional and speaks to the reader in an objective way. 
• There are minimal adjustments to be made,

I hope these suggestions help you finalize the formal report. If you have any questions do not hesitate to contact me at toman@student.ubc.ca.

Zoe Maika’s Formal Report Draft