To: Philip Tellier, ENGL 301 Team Potluck Member
From: Sidney Singh, ENGL 301 Student Reviewer
Date: November 19, 2021
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal: The Negative Effect of Long-Term Sitting: Guidance for Computer Science Students
Dear Philip,
It was a pleasure reading your informative and well researched formal report. It details the harmful effects of sedentary work very well. The following outlines suggestions that may enhance your report.
First Impressions
Strengths include the diversity of secondary sources and its clear organization. The report is well researched and demonstrates an exceptional understanding of the topic.
Working Title and Title Page
The cover page is beautifully designed. The picture of the man sitting at the desk is a fitting image for this report.
Abstract
The abstract successfully summarizes crucial information in the report. It is direct and to the point.
Introduction
The first paragraph successfully contextualizes why long-term sitting is harmful for computer science students. The sub headings were useful and relevant.
Methods
This section describes using primary data from surveys peer review research and health care guidelines.
Data Section
Overall, this section is very well written. It demonstrates how long periods of sitting can lead to back pain and obesity and recommends preventative measures. Below are a few suggestions with examples help with enhancing clarity.
Using an active voice to describe information lends the text more authority.
Original Sentence: An accelerator (a devices that measures accelerator) can be used to objectively monitor when workers are sitting…
Revised suggestion: In a study by Lunde et al. an accelerometer (a device that measures acceleration) was used to track healthcare workers’ back pain. An accelerometer can accurately monitor worker’s movements as no bodily acceleration occurs when workers remain sedentary.
Burying the negative will endow the report with a positive and encouraging tone.
Original sentence: The other surveys answers were less agreed upon.
Revised suggestion: The answers for question # were diverse.
Conclusion
The summary condenses the findings from the research detailed in the data section.
Recommending short exercises will encourage the readers to take the advice offered in the report. There are a variety of short yoga and stretching exercise that can be completed in a seated position.
Editing out imperative verbs will create an approachable tone for the reader.
Original sentence: Stress to students that regular exercise, good posture and an activity permissive workstation is helpful to reduce the risks of sitting for too long.
Revised suggestion: Advising students that regular exercise, good posture and an activity permissive workstation may improve their overall health.
Content
The diversity of peer reviewed sources highlights the credibly and professionalism of the report. The sub sections enhance clarity and guide the reader through the report.
Design
The graphics are interesting and relevant to the report.
Font and layout are reader friendly.
Including titles for the figures 1,2 and 3 may help increase clarity for the reader.
Spelling and Grammar
Introduction: “…people at work tend to sit more than they are not at work.”
“…that sitting for too long, for too often…”
“…the contribution of sitting in school is negligible.”
Final Notes
To reiterate below are a few suggestions to enhance the formal report.
- Using an active voice to describe research from secondary sources
- Burying the negative when outlining survey results
- Editing out imperative verbs for recommendations to computer science students
- Including titles for the figures in the report may help increase clarity
This is an excellent report that highlights the effects of sedentary work. Feel free to email sidney@ssidney.com if any questions arise.
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