To: Cathy Liu, Technical Writing 301 Student
From: Samantha Lee, Technical Writing 301 Student
Date: November 19, 2021
Subject: Peer Review for Formal Report Draft
The formal report draft, “Feasibility Analysis of Improving the Internship Course (MGT480) Placement Rate of University of Toronto Mississauga Commerce students” is informative, well-organized and a pleasure to read. Below are some suggestions for improvement:
First Impressions:
Major strengths of this draft include clear and detailed explanations on the current marketing strategy and matching process of the internship course. In particular, great job on articulating issues with these processes, including few employers from large corporations and employers’ reluctance towards hiring interns for only one day per week.
- One overall suggestion would be to reduce large chunks of text whenever possible; splitting large paragraphs into smaller ones or making sentences more concise will improve readability and comprehension
Content:
- The report thoroughly investigates the problem of MGT480’s low placement rate and provides cost-effective solutions
- Draft is well-narrated; ideas are discussed in a clear and logical manner
- Level of detail is suitable for the intended audience (UTM faculty members)
- One suggestion: discussing the costs and consequences of proposed solutions will address the fourth scoped topic while confirming feasibility of improving placement rate
Organization:
- Draft is well-organized; report parts are logically ordered and connected
- Headings and subheadings clearly forecast the main ideas of paragraphs
- Pagination should begin after the table of contents (see page 512 in the course textbook)
- As mentioned above, the draft contains some large chunks of text due to long paragraphs or long sentences; splitting large chunks into smaller ones will improve readability
Style:
- Overall, the report maintains a professional and positive tone
- Some sentences can be more concise, improving the reader’s comprehension and engagement. For example:
- “The students from UTM are overall satisfied with the internship course because it provided the opportunity for students to work in the relevant industries and acquiring important skills.”
- Suggested revision: “UTM students are overall satisfied with MTG480 because the course provides internship opportunities and important skills in relevant industries.”
- Avoiding pronouns whenever possible will provide an objective tone. For instance:
- “We can also attend more Startup conferences in Toronto, where we can easily connect with early-stage companies…”
- Suggested revision: “Attending more startup conferences in Toronto would also provide connections with early-stage companies…”
Design:
- Layout is clean, reader-friendly, and visually appealing
- The paragraph “Figure 1 shows that most students…” uses a smaller font size (11) compared to other report text; changing the size to 12 will improve design consistency
- Visuals are well-designed, effectively contributing towards the understanding of data analysis. Some suggestions:
- Figure 1: Ending the label with a question mark will suit the questioning text
- Figure 2: Moving the chart between the sentences “However, if we look at Figure 2” and “Based on Figure 2,” will position both sentences close to the referred visual, improving text integration and reader comprehension
Working Title and Title Page:
- Title page is beautifully designed, creating a good first impression of the document
- Required elements are present and well-positioned on the page: descriptive title, intended readers, author, and date of submission
Table of Contents:
- Clear layout with effective use of font style and indentation to display headings and subheadings
- Using the Table of Contents feature (under Insert -> Index and Tables) in Microsoft Word will improve the alignment of page numbers
Introduction:
- Provides background information, report purpose, methods and scope, successfully engaging readers prior to the data section
- Clearly identifies the problem and proposed solution for MGT480’s low placement rate
- Splitting the first paragraph into two smaller ones will improve readability
Data Section:
- Clear explanation on the current placement process, including the marketing strategy and matching process
- Detailed analysis on advantages and disadvantages of MGT480; demonstrates the need for improving student support, placement rate and interview prep
- In Improvements for Student Support:
- The section addresses 2 topics: disadvantages of student support and suggestions for improvements
- Splitting this section into 2 subheadings will improve content clarity, for example: “Disadvantages of Student Support” and “Suggested Improvements for Student Support”
Conclusion:
Summary and Interpretation of Findings
- Summarizes advantages of MGT480 such as providing work opportunities and helping students with acquiring full-time positions
- Clear call to action for attracting more employees and improving interview preparation and mentor support
- Summarizing the findings on current marketing strategy and matching process will provide a clearer overview of the data section
Recommendations
- Provides helpful recommendations for improving the MGT480 internship course
- Replacing imperative verbs will reflect you-attitude towards readers, improving tone
- In “The following are some cost-effective recommendations that might be potential solutions to the problem,” removing “might” will provide a confident tone
Grammar and Typos:
There are some technical errors:
- Subject-verb disagreements, for example:
- Introduction: In “those students who does”, the verb “does” should be plural
- Data Section: In “a lot of them seeks,” the verb “seeks” should be “seek”
- Some small typos:
- In the scoped topics of the introduction, “replacement” should be “placement”
- In “students who did not receive and offer,” “an” is misspelled as “and”
Concluding Comments:
Overall, the draft provides a detailed analysis of MGT480 and cost-effective recommendations that will benefit students taking the course. With the following improvements, this will be a clear and convincing report:
- Mentioning costs and consequences of proposed solutions to confirm feasibility of improving placement rate
- Summarizing findings on current marketing strategy and matching process in the conclusion
- Breaking large paragraphs into smaller ones for an easier read
- Removing words that do not contribute to detail or meaning will improve conciseness
- Avoiding pronouns, imperative verbs, and the word “might” will improve tone
- Splitting “Improvements for Student Support” into two subheadings for content clarity
- Using the Table of Contents feature in Microsoft Word for aligning page numbers
- Adding a question mark to Figure 1’s label and adjusting Figure 2’s placement in the text
- Beginning pagination after the table of contents
- Ensuring that the same font size is used for explanation texts
- Revising the document for technical errors mentioned above
I hope that the peer review is helpful for completing the assignment next week. Please contact me if you have any questions.
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