TO: Karen Okoyomon, Fellow Student of The Empirical Pen Writing Team
FROM: Kitty Yan, Student of the Empirical Pen Writing Team
DATE: October 4, 2021
SUBJECT: Review of Your Three Definitions of “Bokeh”
I have carefully reviewed your three definitions of Bokeh, which was an enlightening and fascinating read! Thank you for the clear explanations and teaching about the word Bokeh. I especially really like the use of your visual which really helped to understand the concept. Reading your definitions, I would like to offer the following suggestions:
Technical Jargon – Overall, your definitions were easy to follow and understand, but there were some technical jargon included within your expanded definition that was not explained. Specifically, when you mentioned how to achieve the bokeh effect (“the camera operator must shoot the subject using a fast lens at the widest aperture, at least f/2.8”), my understanding falls short on the keywords of “fast lens”, “widest aperture” and “f/2.8”. Expanding these with a small note or another sentence may help the reader, especially given how your purpose was for students without much knowledge in the field of Photography or visual effects.
Grammar – I found a few places where the sentence structure was a bit awkward, such as “A bokeh different from a blur” (missing an “is”) and in your sentence definition where it may be better to be reworded slightly, perhaps with a conjunction between “soft, out of focus background” and “typically producing small shapes…”
Visual – I love your use of the image which really helped to highlight the effect of Bokeh. Given your negation method before the visual, you may also want to include a visual of what a blur is which could help to contrast the effects and to amalgamate your definition and visual a bit more.
References – There was an extra reference provided by the last name Dutta, which I did not find a reference for in your definitions. If it was not used, it may be better to remove that reference, or if it was, it would better to provide a point of reference where it was used.
Organization – I like your clear organization of your definitions with the methods of expansion being put to great use (from your slight bit of history/etymology to your operating principle and required conditions of the effect and to negation with a short comparison and contrast). I would suggest however perhaps reorganizing your methods to create a better flow. For example, it may be better to understand what the bokeh effect is (compared to the blur effect) instead of understanding how we would create the effect first.
I hope that my review of your definitions would be helpful in your revision. I very much enjoy the knowledge being presented in such a clear and succinct way, as well as the excellent combination of your provided visual which really helped to illustrate your points.
Please let me know if you have any further questions.
Link to definition: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2021wa/2021/09/30/definitions-of-bokeh/
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