By Adrianna Mroz on October 18th, 2021
To: Daniel Tsui, English 301 Student Writer
From: Adrianna Mroz, English 301 Student Reviewer
Date: October 18th, 2021
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report Proposal: Reducing carbon emissions by incentivizing the use of electric vehicles on UBC Vancouver Campus
Thank you for submitting this proposal for decreasing carbon emissions by incentivizing electric vehicles on campus. You have done a great job in providing a solution to an increased amount of options for electronic vehicles at UBC in order to decrease the school’s carbon footprint. Below are some suggestions to further improve the proposal:
First Impressions:
A great point to this proposal is how Covid-19 concerns have increased student and faculty desire for alternatives to public transport potentially increasing the consumption of gasoline and CO2 emissions. This is especially seen in identifying the limited number of electric charging stalls and time cap that further inconvenience users.
- One suggestion on the indented audience, it may be more efficient to switch the audience to UBC maintenance or a department that might be able to approve of changes such as an increase of electric charging stalls
- Since UBC is an institution motivated by funds it may be useful to look into any monetary incentives to opening more charging stations, such as offering priority spots closer to main building for a higher fee, that might appeal to the school
Organization:
The proposal is well organized in a logical and systematic manner with appropriately bolded and titled headings.
Introduction:
The introduction identifies the issue and larger concern of gasoline and C02 emissions in their effect on global warming as well as the schools function as an environmentally conscious institution.
- Providing citations would strengthen statistics and accuracy of numbers
Statement of Problem:
This section clearly states the issue of climate change and UBC’s commitment to sustainability
- Would be more powerful to compare to changes that other universities have been able to make in order to highlight inadequacies
- could pull quotes from the UBC website itself to further highlight its policies on sustainability
- Suggest ending with a more neutral sentence, the tone dissuades the reader from fully committing to the proposed changes. Perhaps something more along the lines of “ Our collective efforts and institutions will provide a solution to climate change”
Proposed Solution:
The section outlines the solution to increasing electric vehicles on campus by increasing conveniences to users. Some suggestions:
- This section was a little confusing to read, suggest rephrasing the first sentence
- It is perhaps not as convincing that someone will purchase an electric vehicle because there is more parking at school, however, perhaps implying that adding spots contributes to a greater shift in Vancouver would be a stronger argument
Scope:
The scope of questions shows a great initiative towards assessing the feasibility of increasing electric vehicles and demonstrating demand from potential users
Methods:
The outlined plan for collecting data from surveys and statistics is thought out and achievable within the time frame.
Grammar and Technical Errors:
In the following there are some suggestions on grammatical changes:
Intended audience
- The last sentence could be rephrased to something such as “ …those who primarily use parking facilities at UBC should have more options”
Statement of Problem:
- In the third sentence from the bottom include “itself” to become,“ As a university that prides itself in…”
- As well, in the same sentence remove the article before “carbon”
Proposed solution
- Remove “solution” in the first sentence and rephrase with “ A possible solution to …”
- Perhaps rephrase the first sentence as it reads a bit confusingly
In all, this proposal had sound logic and an important investigation towards improving sustainability at UBC. I hope I was able to provide some helpful suggestions that contribute to a stronger final proposal. Feel free to contact me with any questions, great job!
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