MEMORANDUM
To: Sidney Singh, Student of ENGL 301
From: Phillip Tellier, Student of ENGL 301
Date: November 19, 2021
Subject: Peer Review of Formal Report on Recommendations for the CWSA
On November 16, 2021, you emailed me a formal report about CWSA recommendations to peer review. It is my assignment to peer review the report to help improve your writing. I have broken down the review into sections according to the sections of your report. Additionally, I added feedback about grammar, formatting, style and organization.
Title Page and Table of Contents:
The title page looks good. It is missing the distribution date, but I know this will be added when the date is actually known. I suggest adding your position in the CSWA after your name. The Table of contents is well organized, but I propose adding a section for “Tables and Figures” after it on the same page.
INTRODUCTION:
Abstract:
The abstract would serve as part of a good introduction, but an abstract is meant to be an overview of the entire report. Hence, it could be improved by adding a brief summary of the results and the final recommendations. The background information and methods could be shortened so that it still fits into one page.
History of the CWSA:
This section explained the purpose of the CWSA well. It properly gives context for the rest of the report.
Revisions relevant for the Report:
It was easy to understand the CWSA’s rules as presented. The overview of the Former and Current CWSA structure is also helpful. These “figures” could be more accurately labelled as tables. The current heading for these tables could be appended to the end of the table number, e.g., “Table 1: Former CWSA Structure”.
CWSA Sandbox:
This background was well-put and essential to understand the importance of the CWSA sandbox course.
Overview of Problem and Purpose of Report:
The problem addressed in the report is clearly described. This helped me understand the importance of the results and recommendations.
Methods:
The methods of data collection were clearly laid out. There is extra information about participants in the data section that I suggest moving into this section.
Scope:
The scope correctly identifies the questions explored by the data collected. However, I suggest adhering to the traditional format of an analytical formal report and putting this information in paragraph form instead of a numbered list.
DATA SECTION:
First Section:
The first paragraph is useful information, but since it is about participant information, it makes sense to move this into the methods section. The following paragraphs do a good job of summarizing the survey responses. I suggest giving a subheading like “results” to this section so that it is not an unnamed subsection. Figure 3 was visually pleasing, but I struggled to understand why the data was presented in a chart for categorical data. Is it not true that a respondent could be interested in more than one opportunity at once? Charts for categorical data are meant to represent mutually exclusive options. I propose adding an explanation in the report, perhaps in the methods section.
Observations during Research:
With enough thought, all the observations listed appear to be relevant to maintaining CWSA members in some way. Since the goal of this report is to make recommendations, I suggest also writing about possible actions that follow based on the observations. Currently, all the recommendations are outlined in the conclusion, so they could be moved from there. The conclusion, however, would still include a brief summary of the recommendations
CONCLUSION:
You properly summarized the findings of the formal report. I like the suggestion for further research on social media preferences. As stated above, I suggest keeping only a summary of the recommendations in the conclusion.
Works Cited:
The works cited list is appropriately styled in APA.
Grammar, Formatting, Style:
For the most part, the formatting and style were good. Here are a few grammatical errors I found:
- In the Abstract: the reference “(UBCCreativeWriting.com)” should be outside of the quotes. Otherwise, this would mean “(UBCCreativeWriting.com)” was actually written by your source.
- Throughout the report: “Membership” refers to the status of being a member. It does not refer to the members themselves. Thus, “a survey to the entire membership” could be edited to “a survey to all members”.
- In Revisions relevant to this report: In the first sentence, “pertain” could be corrected to “pertinent”.
- In History of the CWSA: I recommend using commas to separate introductory phrases from independent clauses. For instance, the first sentence in the section would be edited to “Created in 2010, (ibid) the CWSA is intended to represent the needs and concerns of its members”.
Organization:
Other than my suggestions above to move certain information into different sections, the organization was top-notch.
Enclosure: Formal Report on Recommendations for the CWSA – Sidney Singh
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