Writing Team Application Letter

Good Monday afternoon all,

I have very much enjoyed reading all your letters of application, and I am pleased to see most of you have your writing teams organized. Your first writing team assignments, Definitions and Peer Reviews, are due this week on your writing team page, so those who have not found your team yet – this is a priority for you today. As soon as you find your team members, be sure to post the name of the team on our Facebook page and I will build you a Group Forum page.

Today’s blog contains:

• Writing tips based on my readings of your letters
• Examples of editing with explanations
• An example of a most excellent letter
• An example of a peer review for a letter

Writing Tips

• You might want to consider writing a sentence or two of introduction for each assignment that you post.
• Spelling my name: Dr. Erika Paterson: it is so very important that you spell names correctly, so let’s start with mine, thanks.
• Provide Hyperlinks. For example: “I regularly contribute to Github projects that help promote a free and open web.” Why not include a hyperlink? ” I regularly contribute to Github projects …..”
• Always analyze and consider your reader’s needs first. For example, when I read the following sentence I have no idea what the final acronym stands for?:

“I am a fourth year B.Sc. student majoring in Geographical Biogeosciences (it is basically physical geography) with a concentration in geomorphology and GIS, and minoring in Geology.  My aim is to become a Professional Geoscientist (P.Geo.) of APEGBC. “

In the next lesson: 1:3, you will be composing definitions for a non-technical reader – so, be sure to fully consider that reader’s needs when it comes to how detailed your definition might need to be in order to inform the uninformed reader.

• This is a part of the fine art of technical writing: providing just enough details for the situation.
• Use an active voice and prefer the present tense

Here is an example for you:

“This year I have qualified to be part of an advanced operations and security seminar. In addition, I have been invited to participate in a security linux hack-a-thon in January 2015.”

Rewrite: This year, I qualified to be part of an advanced operations and security seminar; additionally, I will be participating by invitation in a security linux hack-a-thon in January 2015. (Hyperlink linux hack-a-thon)

•  Always try to avoid two past tense verbs in a row: I have qualified = I qualified
• Consider re-organizing overlong sentences; the trick is to replace verb phrases with noun phrases.

Examples:

“I worked for Edge Science Fiction and Fantasy Publishing as an intern this past summer and learned how to communicate clearly within my company through manuscript evaluation forms. This internship was entirely volunteer based.”

• to communicate clearly : take out the verb ‘to communicate’ and create a noun phrase by naming the type of communication: formal communication
• was entirely volunteer based: delete the sentence and use volunteer as an adjective: volunteer intern

Rewrite: Last summer, I worked as a volunteer intern for Edge Science Fiction and Fantasy Publishing and learned formal communications skills working with manuscript evaluation forms. (*hyperlink Edge Science)

 Here’s a turn of phrase I read often that needs to be reconisdered:

• Through working in several team-based environments
• Through that I have developed ….

Here is the paragraph I have worked with for you:

“English is my second language, so sometimes my sentences are not well expressed and do not flow smoothly. Extra time would be needed to review what I have written, which would slow down my writing progress. Also, I was taught to write in a passive voice whenever I write formal letters, so the things I read in the textbook for this course is completely opposite from what I learned. It would take some time for me to change to an active style of writing where sentences are more straightforward.”

• When possible always prefer to state things in the positive – not the negative.

Example:

“ English is my second language and some of my sentences are not well expressed and do not flow smoothly”

• remove the ‘not well” and “do not” by choosing other words:

English is my second language, accordingly my sentences can be awkward and my expression may be inconsistent.

• When possible, avoid three verbs in a row, and also try to avoid the verb tense “would.”

“Extra time would be needed to review what I have written, which would slow down my writing progress.”

Rewrite: Extra time is needed for review, which slows down my writing progress

• Focus on writing in the present tense whenever possible, and avoid unnecessary words. One way to avoid unnecessary words is to favor nouns over verbs, and to use adjectives.

Example:

“Also, I was taught to write in a passive voice whenever I write formal letters, so the things I read in the textbook for this course is completely opposite from what I learned.”
Re-write: “I was taught to write formal letters in a passive voice; however, our textbook asks for an active voice, the opposite of what I learned.

I  have eliminated the last phrase: : “whenever I write formal letters,” by using “formal” as an adjective in the first phrase. I have eliminated the phrase ‘so the things I read in the textbook” because these are unnecessary words. Your reader will assume you are talking about the things you read – no need to say so.

AN EXAMPLE OF AN EXCELLENT LETTER:

Classmates, 

My name is Eric Foard. I am writing to introduce myself as a potential writing group member for this course. I am currently enrolled in UBC’s BCS (Bachelor of Computer Science) program, an intensive 20-month course of study that is aimed at preparing students who already possess an undergraduate degree for an academic or professional career in computing. My previous degree is in Rhetoric from the University of California — Berkeley, with an emphasis on the rhetoric of public discourse. Rhetoric is a discipline heavily grounded in writing, in which students learn to construct effective, concise arguments about a variety of academic topics. Below, I offer  examples of how Rhetoric has made me a creative and critical thinker, how computer science has made me a systematic and fastidious one, and how together these skills will make me a highly effective writing partner. 

What drew me to Rhetoric is that there are not a concrete set of topics, courses, and facts that make up the discipline. Instead, Rhetoric is a critical, highly analytical mindset that one learns to bring to the reading experience through close reading of and writing about a myriad of topics. In my academic career I explored such diverse topics as American anti-intellectualism, 16th century Italian literature, and the philosophy of science. Though I knew nothing about these topics when I began their respective courses, because of the mindset cultivated through a study of rhetoric I was able to not only competently discuss these topics, but further to comment on them critically with my writing. This ability to quickly immerse myself in and become competent with new subject matter makes me a prime candidate to be your writing partner. Although I currently know very little about technical writing, I will be able to interact with the material in a meaningful way. 

Further, rhetoric is a heavily discussion-based discipline, in which classes are often taught in a seminar style and students are charged with leading class discussions. In leading these classes, which ranged from one to three hours, I learned how to effectively generate discussion, to keep that discussion moving in a productive direction, and concisely express my ideas and concerns in a group setting. For example, I once gave a three hour presentation on Richard Hofstadter’s Anti-Intellectualism in American Life and how these ideas resonate with Edward Hume’s account of the conflict between church and state in American public schools in his Monkey Girl: Evolution, Education, and the Battle for America’s Soul. While one might suggest that these skills are less applicable in the online format of this class, this view ignores that the organization, assertiveness, and articulation that make me an effective presenter are universal skills. 

Finally, my experience in computer science has greatly increased my attention to detail and ability to multitask. For example, in Computer Science 210, I was responsible for a partial implementation of an application that tracks the activity of busses in Vancouver and plots them on a map. Though this was my first experience with the programming language Java, I was able to successfully complete the project on time, all the while excelling in my other courses. The ability to see a nuanced project through to the end under external pressures and within an allotted time make me a valuable addition to any writing team. 

In summary, my diverse academic background makes me a strong candidate for any writing team, and I expect that if we work together we will excel in the course. Please feel free to contact me at the email address provided above, or through the Facebook page for the course. 

Best, 

____________________________________

Now here is an example of one of your application letters that needs a little editing followed by an example of a peer review: 

Please consider my application in becoming a part of your professional writing team for the duration of semester one, as posted on 301’s Technical Writing class website on September 8 2014. I am a fourth year Geology major student, who enjoys learning about rocks, and geological applications at the University of British Columbia. I was encouraged by recent UBC geology graduates to apply for this position as it would be an excellent way to further gain experience with my professional communication skills before my convocation this May.

I would be an asset to your team as a professional writing team member as I am a self-motivated individual, with strong communication, organization, and interpersonal skills that enjoys working in a team environment. For three years, I worked as a part-time note taker in many of my classes for Access and Diversity at UBC. This experience allowed me to achieve excellent communication and writing skills. My note taking experience, along with volunteer work for the Mineral Deposit Research Unit and one month of summer work for a geophysical surveying company, has made me a reliable, efficient, and punctual team member.

I have completed courses such as Approaches to Literature, Strategies for University Writing, and Introduction to Creative Writing which contributed to my strong organized writing, spelling, grammar, and punctuation skills. I am very prompted with delivering all tasks on time, however, I work slower when there are any miscommunication.  My writing skills can be indirect and repetitive, however, I believe that all weaknesses and skills can be developed through continued practice. Learning should be a lifelong process that can be challenging, fun, or useful when applied outside of classrooms. I am confident that my background knowledge in professional writing and working ethics will enable me to be an excellent candidate.

I am looking forward to speaking with you about how I can contribute as a member of your professional writing team this semester. If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me by email at . Thank you for your consideration of my application.

Sincerely,

 Peer review:

Hello name here,

Thank you for your submission of a letter of application for my consideration as your peer reviewer. I have read your letter carefully and would like to offer a few suggestions for editing. First, let me say I enjoyed reading your letter and think that you are an excellent candidate. This is a good letter, informative and professional, and it fulfills the criteria laid out in the assignment. I believe with some focused editing, this will become an excellent letter.

*Note how my first paragraph indicates the strengths of the letter in general terms. 

The flow and organization of your letter works well. However, your initial paragraph is not as well composed as the other two. Below is a list of  sentence by sentence suggestions for editing the first paragraph:

First sentence:

“Please consider my application in becoming a part of your professional writing team for the duration of semester one, as posted on 301’s Technical Writing class website on September 8 2014.”

• The phrase “in becoming a part of” is awkward. I think you should try to rewrite this sentence using less words to express what you mean here. Perhaps, replace this phrase with ‘to join”:

Example: Please consider my application to join a professional writing team in response to the 301 Technical Writing class posting. 

Second sentence:

“I am a fourth year Geology major student, who enjoys learning about rocks, and geological applications at the University of British Columbia”

• The phrase “who enjoys” seems strange, because you are clearly talking about yourself? I think you should reconsider the order of your information.  Here is an example of how I would edit this sentence:

I am a fourth year Geology major at the University of British Columbia, I enjoy geological applications and learning about rocks in general.

The last sentence:

“I was encouraged by recent UBC geology graduates to apply for this position as it would be an excellent way to further gain experience with my professional communication skills before my convocation this May.”

• The difficulties with this sentence lie in the organization and in your verbosity: too many unnecessary words. Here is a suggestion for rewriting:

“Recent UBC geology graduates recommend this position as an excellent avenue for gaining professional communication skills and experience before convocation this May.”

I think if you give the rest of your letter a careful read with an eye for eliminating words and staying in the preset tense, you will find a couple of more opportunities to rewrite for succinctness.

You will find some good tips on our Instructor’s blog for rewriting as well.

I enjoyed reading your letter and hope you find my editing comments helpful. I look forward to working with you further. Please feel free to ask my any questions, I am happy to be of assistance.

Thank you, Erika