A number of you are concerned about going too far over the page count – which is a guideline. As I read through your drafts, I asked many of you to keep your self-editing eye on:
- over use of the passive voice (which increases words count);
- too many unnecessary words;
- too much unecessary information;
- remembering, this report is NOT for me, it is for the person[s] who can act on your recommendations;
- remembering, this is not an essay, so please ensure that your introduction does not read like an essay;
- remembering, your reader is busy!
These two stylistic errors significantly increase your word count:
- using a passive voice
- unecessary words
Here are two examples of how significant these errors are in context with your general concerns for an over-long report:
Student Draft: 105 words:
Opinions from employees working at the FWI were collected by conducting a short voluntary survey. The survey is anonymous, and it asks for their communication preferences and suggestions toward any new communication technologies. A sample survey is attached in Appendix A. The result of the survey was then analyzed in order to create appropriate interview questions. Research was also done for each possible communication option mentioned in the survey. An interview was conducted with the IT manager, Bev Fotiuk, regarding the costs of implementation and maintenance of potential communication software. Interview questions are attached in Appendix B. The feasibility of respective software was also discussed.
REWRITE: 53 Words
Thirty three FWI employees responded to a short survey designed to gather data on communication practices and suggestions for improvements (Appendix A). From analyses of this survey data, and secondary research, interview questions were designed to measure the IT manager’s (Ms. Fotiuk) perspectives on cost and feasibility of implementing new communications systems or software (Appendix B).
Student Draft: 65 Words
Since the author’s church is currently using the paper based offering record system, the author had to interview other churches which are using a church finance computer program in order to estimate the cost and time taken. However, the author was only able to interview one person, who attends a different church, because most people felt uncomfortable by being asked about their church’s financial system.
REWRITE: 33 Words:
Estimations of time and cost for a digitized system of accounting for Church offerings are calculated based on a personal interview with a member of the Samsung Presbyterian Church, also located in Vancouver.
I hope these examples will impress you with the necessity of editing with a focus on eliminating unnecessary information, rewriting in an active voice, and careful word choices.
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