Peer-Review for Hannah Becker
To: Hannah Becker
From: Jasmin Senghera
Date: Jan 15th, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of ‘hegemon’ Definition
I have reviewed the first draft of your definition of ‘hegemon’ for the definition’s assignment. I am impressed with your ability in translating this word in such a way that it is easy for an environmental science student like myself to understand. I only had to read through once, in order to have full understanding of your definition. Additionally, the introduction prefacing the content was very well-written and readily set the tone for the definitions. I would like to offer a few suggestions for improvement:
Expanded Definition: While, the chosen methods for expansion were quite efficient, you could expand on them by adding more detail. In specific, for the etymology to provide more consistency between paragraphs, you could add some more detail or venture a little into the history. This is based on the fact that the single sentence of the etymology makes me as a reader want to know more.
Visual/Example: The visual selected has a lot of merit and definitely helped me understand the definition more readily yet, a visual representation that pertains to a different grouping could be beneficial. If that is not possible then another example would suffice. I felt that having an example and a visual of the US was a little repetitive. Additionally, a heading for the visual would be helpful.
Organization: Your organizational skills throughout are very strong. My only recommendations are that for easier flow you could use the types of expansion as headers, rather than using semi-colons. A concluding statement at the end of the expansion to provide an overview of the term would also help provide coherence
I hope that my suggestions prove to be helpful in completing this assignment. Ultimately, your draft is very strong and only requires some expansion upon what you have already written. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
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