Removing as many pronouns as possible improves both conciseness and clarity, and as we shall see in Unit Three, editing out pronouns is an essential part of working with YOU attitude.
Example:
“I have reviewed your first draft of the “Three Definitions” English 301 assignment and commend you for your great work. In your assignment, you thoroughly outline the working definitions for your chosen term. You also provide more technical, relevant details related to your term, which help enhance the reading and learning experience. Upon reviewing your work, however, I have a few suggestions that may improve your written assignment.
REWRITE:
Thank you for submitting your draft definition assignment; great work. The document thoroughly outlines 3 working definitions for the term (detail here i.e. what is the term?). The inclusion of technically relevant details enhances the reader’s learning experience. Following are a few suggestions for improvement: …
_______________________________________
Example:
“Please consider me for your professional writing team by taking a moment to read through my litter of application. Currently, I am in my fourth year of the Bachelor of Arts program at the University of British Columbia. I will graduate in May of this year with a major in history and a minor in English. Prior to attending university I worked full time in construction before I decided to pursue a higher education to help me achieve my career goals. Most of my life I have been involved in hockey, beginning my playing career at the age of 6 and continuing through to the age of 17. After high school I continued to play at a less competitive level, and still play occasionally today. Being a part of a team atmosphere most of my childhood has really helped me later in life, as I tend to thrive in atmospheres involving teamwork. I am not afraid to take charge, and have often been complimented on my ability to push those around me to do there very best.” 177 words
REWRITE:
Please consider this letter of application for your professional writing team. I am a 4th year history major, English minor at UBC with plans to graduate in May. I’ve played hockey all my life and thrive in a team atmosphere and am not afraid to take charge when needed – I have been complimented on my ability to encourage others to do their best. 63 words
Leave a Reply