Peer Review for Angela’s Proposal

TO: Angela Fong, CARE Team Member
FROM: Erica Friedman, CARE Team Member
DATE: January 20^th, 2019
SUBJECT: Peer Review of Your Proposal for the Research Report

I enjoyed reading your proposal. Please see my review below and a few suggested improvements; I hope they are helpful.

First Impressions:
This document is well organized; paragraphs are concise and headings are clearly marked.

Introduction:

• It would be helpful to include a description of the proposal’s intended audience.
• The “Background” and “Cause of Problem” sections could be combined under one heading: “Introduction”; this section could also include a description of the audience.
• Clearly describes the purpose of the UBC Careers Site.
• Labour market statistics are helpful and add to the understanding of the problem, and clarify the need for a solution.

Statement of Problem:
Clearly stated; includes aspects related to all users of the platform (employers and employees).

Proposed Solution and Scope:

• The proposed solution is in the “Scope” section; to highlight it, I suggest moving it to a separate section.
• Questions for examining the issue are good, and address the needs of both employees and employers.
• The statistics show that it is worthwhile to examine specific issues regarding immigrants; it’s great that one of your questions addresses this.

 Methods/Sources:

• The proposal includes an extensive list of sources.
• It would be helpful to clarify what is meant by consultation with “various careers sites and their associated employer resources”. Will personal interviews be conducted, or do you plan to research online materials only? The methodology used defines whether or not the source is primary or secondary.
• It could be helpful to interview Human Resources professionals at the organizations using the service.
• If the service has a record of former users (employees and employers) and their contact details, it would be insightful to email them a short feedback survey to get suggestions for improvement.

My Qualifications:

• You seem to understand the changing labor market and the needs of both employees and employers.
• I was confused whether or not you work for the UBC Careers Site, or if you use the site for searching employment opportunities. The research project should be conducted on an organization that you are working at. If you work at the UBC Careers Site, you could change the words “at my organization” to “at the UBC Careers Site”.

Conclusion:

• Effectively wraps up the proposal.
• Outlines the benefits for improving the Careers Site for the university, employers, and graduates.

Grammar and Edits:

• Wordiness – the document is fairly concise however, it can be edited further in some places. For example, this sentence from the “Background” section:

 “The University of British Columbia’s (UBC) Careers Site facilitates access to employment opportunities for qualified individuals with employers across all sectors (industry, government, and not-for-profit) who employ UBC graduates and future UBC graduates within their organization.”
 
Can be edited:
 
“The University of British Columbia’s (UBC) Careers Site facilitates access to employment opportunities for UBC graduates/future graduates with employers across all sectors (industry, government, and not-for-profit).”

Another example, from the “Scope” section:

“I will investigate the following five questions to consider offering in the program:”

Can be edited:

“My research will focus on the following five questions:”

• Expression – for the most part, ideas are expressed clearly. For greater clarity, I suggest re-writing the following question from the “Scope” section:

“What employer support in the recruitment and retention process of candidates isn’t yet offered by UBC?”
 
One option:

“Which kinds of employer support for the recruitment and retention process of candidates isn’t yet offered by UBC?
 
Another option (2 separate questions):
 
“Which services for recruitment and retention are currently offered by UBC?”
“Which services for recruitment and retention can be added to improve the service?”

Concluding Comments:
Your proposal was interesting to read; it outlined the background well and explained who can benefit from proposed changes. I suggest making the following changes:

• Combining the “Background” and “Cause of Problem” into one section called “Introduction”.
• Identify and describe the intended audience.
• Create separate “Proposed Solution” and “Scope” sections.
• Clarify your role at the UBC Careers Site.
• Including the suggested edits (see above comments).

I enjoyed reviewing your proposal – thank you! Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

 Angela Fong’s Proposal