TO: Henry Lee
FROM: Brent Hanover
DATE: February 4, 2019
SUBJECT: Review of Your Assignment 2.1: Research Proposal
Hi Henry,
I have reviewed your research proposal and I commend you on your choice of topic. I know that I could have used this service as I am unhappy with my first major and am returning to UBC for a second bachelor’s degree. I do have a few suggestions that will strengthen your proposal.
Methodology: In your ‘Methods’ section you mention surveys from UBC science students. This is a broad claim that could use more information on your exact surveying methods. This information should include statistical methods like population stratification, sample sizes, and administration methods.
Clarity: Under ‘My Qualifications’ you mention ‘numerous science subjects’ and reference ‘each major’. ‘Numerous science subjects’ is a vague term that is relatively meaningless without specification. Your use of ‘this major’ leaves it a bit unclear as to exactly what your referring to, is it the your majors in biology and computer science or just majors at UBC in general? Fixing this ambiguity will provide the reader with a better idea of your qualifications.
Conciseness: Your first two paragraphs provide a lot of information but are a bit wordy and could be condensed. For an introduction I would forgo the exact details and provide a more general conceptualization of the problem and solution. You go into this required detail in the subsequent paragraphs, so you are actually delivering this some of this information twice. You also do not detail what problems this issue causes for students in the ‘Statement of Problem’ paragraph, but you do in the introduction. I recommend reworking the structure of your first two paragraphs for better clarity.
I truly enjoyed your proposal and I am confident that your solution would be beneficial for students who are unsure of what major to choose. You have a very well thought out proposal, and my recommendations will make it even stronger. Let me know if you have any questions and I would be happy to answer them.
Sincerely,
Brent Hanover
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