To: Samuel Kobierski
From: Jenny Bachynski
Date: March 5, 2019
Subject: Assignment 3:1 – Peer Review of You-Attitude Memorandum
Thank you for your contribution to this assignment. Your work is very concise and professional, but I have some suggestions that may strengthen your work even more:
Writing Style: You have done a wonderful job in keeping this memo minimal and efficient. The basic information needed is delivered to the reader in a very short amount of time. One issue that I see is the the overuse of the word “you” in the body paragraph. We don’t want Evan Crisp to feel singled out or targeted. For example, instead of saying “Be considerate, your reader is more inclined to respond if you treat them with respect”, it may be more effective to say, “Be considerate, a person is more inclined to respond if they are treated with respect”. I would suggest reviewing the You-Attitude handout to really excel at this writing technique.
Layout and Design: I find your layout very clear and easy to read. I would suggest adding a bit more detail to your bullet points, so that Evan Crisp has more specific advice. For example, when you say “Put yourself in the position of the reader and consider their point of view”, this information is valid and important, but perhaps let Evan Crisp know where in his letter he could improve in that specific way. While some of the advice given may seem straightforward, for someone like Evan – with novice writing skills – it may not be as obvious.
Grammar: Your grammar and language is professional and correct, and I did not find any issues. I especially appreciate that there isn’t any use of unnecessary or flowery language.
Overall impression: This memorandum is very well-written and on point. As suggested above, I would focus on adding some specific details for Evan Crisp in the body paragraph, as well as employing a more You-Attitude to soften the suggestions given.
Thank you for taking the time to write this memorandum. You are off to a wonderful start. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Best,
Jenny Bachynski
Leave a Reply