Hannah’s Formal Report Review
Dear Hannah,
I really enjoyed reading your formal report and learnt a lot about email inefficiency. Below are my suggestions after reading Email Inefficiency in Meadow School: A Report on Potential Improvements. I hope you find them useful!
First Impression
It is a thorough report, and I can understand how emails can cause a problem. “Email Inefficiency” is something I have ever thought of, so I enjoyed learning about the topic. I can definitely sympathize with the Meadow School employees. The report was very easy to read, and you gave well-thought out recommendations and advice.
Content
Introduction
The first section is a strong opening, but I found the following sentence a little awkward: “ great and growing hindrance”. The introduction gave me a clear idea where the report was headed. Also, remember that we are writing with a “YOU” attitude. Try to avoid using “you” when possible!
Overview
The first sentence could be more concise, like: “I surveyed 10 out of the 28 employees who use email regularly as part of their job.” As could the following sentence: They spent a range of 30-60 minutes emailing per day (throughout the entire week, not just workdays.) For the following sentence: “She personally estimated that she spent 4 hours a week on work email outside of work hours. “, the sentence could be made more concise by removing “personally”.
Discussion
It was a good start to identifying the email problems. The following sentence felt a little awkward: “Though there is personal responsibility for this lack of mindfulness, as the employer you can create training measures to ensure that individuals understand the broader solution to a more efficient emailing culture at Meadow.”
Sending Emails
The section definitely conveyed how sending too many emails is a problem, but I think the section could be edited into something more concise. It’s mentioned a couple times that “people fail to recognize”/”don’t realize” that it’s a problem, and in such a small section I only think it needs to be stated once.
Managing Emails
The section offered a well-thought out and viable solution to the problem. It was also written in a very positive tone! I found this section particularly informative.
Summary of Findings
I’m not sure you can make the claim: “ I have found that this is not just an issue with Meadow School, and is in fact an issue in nearly every workplace that uses electronic communication”, as it is something you haven’t researched yourself, or cited anything. If there was a citation or research involved, it would be a stronger claim! I also found it really hard not to use “you” in the report, but try to avoid using “you” unless you’re building a bond or relating to the reader.
Great job on ending the section on a positive note!
Recommendations
The recommendations are clear and well thought.
Organization
There wasn’t massive chunks of text. I found everything well-separated and labelled. The report also flowed well.
Style
There are a few moments where more of a “you” attitude could have been used, such as in the introduction. The conclusion was written in a positive tone, but I think the body could be slightly more positive.
Design
I don’t have the Cambria font, so the layout seems a bit off. For your final report, maybe consider using a standard font like Times New Roman or Arial that everyone is guaranteed to have. Visually, instead of stating that 10/10 employees have said something I think saying “all of the employees” would be more impactful to the reader.
The title page is clearly labelled, and the table of contents is also easy to read. This might be because I don’t have the Cambria font, but the Abstract page number doesn’t line up with the rest of the page numbers.
Graphics
The images are visually appealing. For Figure 1, it seems like more like a qualitative than quantitative question, so it might be more suitable to have the description say that the pie chart shows the percentage of employees that believe that email leads to inefficiencies. For Figure 2, stating that there were 10 responses isn’t necessary. I wasn’t able to immediately figure out that the time was in minutes. Having a title that says “Amount of Time Employees Spend on Email Daily” also might be clearer.
Final Thoughts
The problem was conveyed very clearly, and I ended with a clear understanding of the hindrance of emails. The report was well laid out and easy to read. I would make the following suggestions for your final draft:
- Avoiding the use of “it”, we’ve been told to rephrase sentences when possible to avoid the word.
- Using more of a “YOU” attitude in the report
- Trying to make the sections more concise.
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