Assignment 3:3 – Peer Review of Karn Sangha’s Formal Report Draft

Assignment 3:3 – Peer Review of Karn Sangha’s Formal Report Draft

To: Karndeep Sangha
From: Dakota Tryhuba
Date: March 17, 2019
Subject: Peer review of formal report draft entitled “Proposal to increase pedestrian safety from identifying and analyzing rate and factors of pedestrian and cyclist collisions on Main Mall at UBC”

 

Dear Karn,

Thank you for sending me the draft of your formal report, “Proposal to increase pedestrian safety from identifying and analyzing rate and factors of pedestrian and cyclist collisions on Main Mall at UBC.” You are on your way to a well-organized document that addresses a serious issue that is
certainly a worthwhile investigating. However, your draft is lacking content. Below I have indicated the specific strengths of the draft as well as the specific areas where revision would lead to marked improvements in the final presentation copy. Please review my comments below.

Title

The report title is quite long. Consider shortening to something that is more readable for your readers such as: “Identifying and Analyzing Risk Factors of Active Transportation Collisions on UBC’s Main Mall Pedestrian Corridor.” As well, the title is not consistent with its formatting. Titles require proper capitalization.

Here are some rules to help you:

1. The first and last words of a title are alwayscapitalized, no matter what they are.
2. The articles a, and,and the are not capitalized unless they are the first or last words of a title.
3. The conjunctions for, and, nor, but, or, yet,or so are not capitalized unless they are the first or last words of a title. However, sometimes for, yet, and so can be other parts of speech. For can also be a preposition, but you don’t have to worry about that because little prepositions are not capitalized either! However, yet and so can also be adverbs, and adverbs are capitalized in a title.

 

Table of Contents 

The Table of Contents is organized and logically laid out. There was a minor typo where is should read “Data Section” instead of “Date Section”. As well, there is some inconsistency in the formatting again where some words are capitalized as proper nouns and others are not. I would suggest revising this to capitalize all necessary words as proper nouns to remain consistent.

Introduction

The introduction is on the right track. The audience is clearly defined, and some preliminary background information for the reader on Main Mall at UBC has been provided. However, expansion in this section is needed. I would suggest defining any important technical terms in this section for the intended audience.

Data Section

No content provided.

Content

The report draft lacked content. A problem/area for improvement has been identified; however, the report is missing an analysis of the problem and recommendations to workable and affordable solutions.

Organization

The outline of your draft is organized with effective headings and subheadings. When beginning the writing stage of your report, keep in mind that the headings and subheadings of the report should reveal the content clearly and logically by being connected to one another at all points. Also, ensure you are avoiding writing with large chucks of text.

Prose

No content provided. Here are some things to keep in mind when writing your final report:

• Keep your tone objective rather than subjective.
• Avoid the negative tone. The tone of your report should remain positive through-out and reflect the you-attitude toward the identified reader emphasized in Technical Communication. 
• Avoid the passive voice and from using unnecessary words. Write in the active voice.
• Also, be careful word choices; always prefer nouns over verbs.

Design

No content provided.

Summary

Overall, you are well on your way to producing an organized and meaningful final report. Your draft lacks content at this stage of writing, however, by using some of the suggestions I have provided for you, along with the tips from Erika’s writing blogs, you will be able to compose a well-drafted final report that will avoid common writing errors.

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Link to Karn’s formal report draft: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99c-2018wc/2019/03/15/formal-report-draft-karn-sangha/