Assignment 3.3 Peer Review of Beenish’s Formal Report Draft

Peer Reviewer: Brionne McWilliams ENGL 301 Team Member

Author: Beenish Fatima, ENGL 301 Team Member

Date: Date: March 20, 2019

Subject: Peer Review of Beenish’s Formal Report: Evaluating Factors Affecting Community Engagement and Social-Connectedness of Seniors Residing in Metro-Vancouver

 

Hello Beenish,

Thank you for submitting your formal report draft for lesson 3:2. It was a pleasure to read your Formal Report Draft The organization of your paper particularly impressed me. To complete the report, you will need to add information into the data section. Please see my review below including feedback and suggestions to further improve your writing.

 

First Impressions

• The report has clearly and thoroughly explained the significance of social isolation and the impact that seniors have on society as a whole.
• The data is missing from the report.

 

Content

Introduction

• The introduction incorporates the “you” attitude allowing the seniors’ advisory committee to understand the impact social isolation in seniors has on society.
• You included research methods in the introduction; however, consider adding a brief statement about the limitations of the study. A possible limitation could be the sample chosen for the survey or using a survey as a research method.
• Consider adding information about the scope of the report so readers can gain insight into the organization of the report. You can take details from your formal research proposal.

Data Section

• Data collection is still in progress; so, you have not added results or figures. Please add this information in once you have finished collecting data.
• Consider adding in working definitions for each 6 factors: Funding, Accessibility, Availability, Health and wellness, Awareness, and Perception and Beliefs about Local Community.

Conclusion

• A recommendation based on the survey data will be made for each factor affecting community engagement and social-connectedness. Good idea!

Graphics

• At least 2 illustrations need to be added to summarize your collected data.

 

Organization

• The report is organized and clean, with the use of headings and subheadings for each important section.
• The headings in the report are consistent with the titles listed in the table of contents.
• A running header and page numbers are included to further enhance the organization.
• For easier navigation, consider adding lines in between subheadings and page numbers in the table of contents.

 

Writing Style

• Your writing style is professional and competent.
• Implementing the “you” attitude in your writing can persuade the seniors’ advisory committee to adopt your recommendations. Your reader will be more likely to accept your recommendation if they can identify how and why this study can affect/benefit them.

 

Grammar

Your writing is professional and concise; however, consider addressing the following minor grammar issues:

• Rather than using passive voice, use active voice because it is often clearer and more direct.
  • “Social isolation among seniors is on the rise and its impact can be felt by communities all over Canada.” “Social isolation among seniors is on the rise and communities all over Canada can feel its impact.”.
• Consider adding an article before a noun.
  • “Therefore, purpose of this report is to evaluate factors”. Rewrite “Therefore, the purpose of this report is to evaluate factors”.
  • “Additionally, comprehensive review of current community engagement strategies”. “Additionally, a comprehensive review of current community engagement strategies”.
  • “community programming can significantly improve without demanding substantial increase in funding.” “community programming can significantly improve without demanding a substantial increase in funding.”
• Eliminate unnecessary words to make your writing more concise.
  • “in order to”. “to”

 

Design

• You use an appropriate size and style of font that is easy to read.
• To make the document more visually appealing, consider using 1.5 point spacing and rather than indenting each paragraph, add an extra space between paragraphs to increase white space.

 

Summary

Overall, your formal report is engaging and well organized. The thoroughness of your descriptions, endorsements, and personalized URL especially enhance the profile.

Main suggestions for improvements are:

• Include the scope and limitations of the study in the introduction
• Change the spacing and indentation of paragraphs throughout
• Use the “you” attitude as much as possible
• Proofread for grammatical errors and typos

Hopefully, these suggestions can help you gain insight into ways you can improve your report. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to email me at Brionne_9@hotmail.com. Good luck with the submission of your Formal Report!

Sincerely,

Brionne McWilliams