Hello 301:
As I comment and evaluate assignments I also provide writing tips. The following is a collection of those tips for Unit One. Please do refer to these writing tips when preparing and editing assignments; your writing is will grow stronger, more persuasive, focused, and interesting to read. Enjoy.
Writing Tip:
Aim for clarity via conciseness by eliminating all unnecessary words.
For example:
“The enjoyment from meeting diverse students with each different personality, hence different way perceiving each theory, the struggle to come up with different explanations for each student, and the sense of fulfilment when the students understood the concept they had been struggling with before created a memorable and exciting experience that gave quite an impact on my career choice as now I’m considering pursing a degree in education after finishing my bachelor degree [74 words] .“
Rewrite for clarity and conciseness:
Tutoring diverse students with different perspectives was enjoyable and challenging, explaining difficult concepts and witnessing student successes were memorable and exciting experiences that impacted my career choice. I am now planning on a further degree in education [39 words].
Writing Tip: Never end a sentence with the word ‘it’ – or any other two-letter words. Always rewrite the sentence and you will always have a better sentence.
Example:
“I hope to fit your potential team and add positively to it.”
Rewrite:
“I hope to be a positive fit and addition for your potential team.”
Writing Tip: Focus on keeping your peer review concise and detailed: avoid general phrases, and there is no need to indicate the absence of errors, but rather you need to detail your comments.
For example:
“Term, situation, audience: The audience made sense for your position, as they would be uninformed and needing an easy to follow page. I found no faults here, I thought the situation was is well described. < use nouns to name the audience and situation.
Parenthetical definition: My understanding of parenthetical definitions is that they include a clarifying phrase within the parenthesis. You wrote ‘PEG’ which does not clarify much for the reader. I would suggest a rewrite on this to ease confusion.
Sentence definition: No issues here, well written. <– Details: why? What makes this a well-composed sentence definition?
Writing tip: Stay in the present tense with reviews.
Example:
“Overall, I thought your work was concise, straightforward, and easy to understand.”
Rewrite:
Overall, your work is concise, straightforward and easy to understand.
Writing Tip: Rewriting for conciseness by taking out ‘the people’ – in this case, take out the ‘I’s”
Example:
Being enrolled in the Urban Land Economics Program at the Sauder School of Business, my real estate courses require me to collect, verify, and organize data. The first step I take when handling any assignment is to familiarize myself with the topic at hand. I do so by conducting a simple google search, and read numerous articles from credible sources. I then verify the information by gathering a variety of peer reviewed articles and statistical information from official web sources such as the UBC search engine database, Statistics Canada, BC Stats, and the Canadian Mortgage and Housing Corporation. After gathering and organizing my data, I bring the information together to create a cohesive document that is ready to be presented. I would contribute to the team by using these skills to draft reports, applications, and any other assignments ENGL 301 requires us to complete [144 words]
Rewrite without ‘I’:
Real estate courses in the Urban Land Economics Program at the Sauder School of Business require collecting, verifying, and organizing data. This requires a disciplined process of research, verification of information via statistical data, peer reviews, and search engines such as UBC’s database, Statistics Canada, BC Stats, and the Canadian Mortgage and Housing Corporation. Compiling research and data into presentable documents is a skill that will contribute to the team in our efforts to draft reports and other 301 assignments [80 words].
Avoid unnecessary words/info. For example:
I began the degree completion process in the Fall of 2013, and I will have completed my degree by the spring of 2018 [23 words].
Rewrite: I began my degree in 2013 and expect to graduate in 2018 [11 words].
Writing Tip: Avoid the word ‘it’
Example:
This guides the reader to have a better grasp of the topic and the audience can visualize it in their mind. Overall, I think that it doesn’t need to be very detailed, because you are assuming that your audience has no knowledge of the material you are presenting. Although it has a lot of information, I fully understood the material after the second time reading it.
The above passage is too difficult to make sense of because the word ‘it’ and ‘this’ replaces different nouns:
- This = the examples of the common uses of PPCT line
- visualize it in their mind = enables visualization of the process
- “Your audience has no knowledge of the material you are presenting” = a novice audience
- Although it has a lot of information = The expanded definition is detailed
- second time reading it = with a second reading.
REWRITE:
The examples of the common uses of PPCT line enables visualization of the process and does not need to be detailed for a novice audience. The expanded definition is detailed and understandable with a second reading.
A few examples to study:
An example of a very nicely accomplished Peer Review for the Definition Assignment
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