Peer Review, Angela’s Writing with You Attitude Letter

TO: Angela Fong, CARE Team Member
FROM: Erica Friedman, CARE Team Member
DATE: March 4^th, 2019
SUBJECT: Review of Writing with You Attitude Letter

Your suggestions for writing professional emails are great. Please see the review below, including a few suggested improvements.

First Impressions:
The memorandum is helpful, to-the-point, and headings are clearly marked.

Writing Style/Use of You Attitude:
The tone is brief and focused on the task. Excellent execution of “You” attitude by:

• Attending to the reader; avoiding the use of the word “I”
• Removing imperatives and the word “you” from the body

Softening the tone would humanize the message and protect Evan’s ego. This can be achieved by:

• Including a supportive statement in the introduction that is friendly, but professional
• Concluding with a thank you

Grammar/editing:
A few suggestions for enhancing clarity and brevity are:

• Including the reader’s/sender/s titles in the ‘TO/FROM’ lines
• Shortening bullet points, for example:

1) Highlighting the advantages enrolling in the professor’s course will bring can garner a more favorable response.

Suggested change:

Emphasizing the advantages of taking this course will result in a better response.

2) Avoiding an insulting or unfriendly tone can be achieved by reducing the number of “you” words used in the email.

Suggested change:

Limiting the word “you” in the email helps to avoid insulting or unfriendly tones

Another suggestion is to write a more positive statement, for example:

Reducing “you” words results in a friendlier tone

3) Express appreciation to the professor by ending the email message with name, contact details, and a positive thank you message to encourage a response.

Suggested change:

Expressing appreciation for the professor by closing with a full name, contact details, and a thank you

Concluding Comments:
Your suggestions for writing effective professional emails are excellent. I suggest making a few edits for brevity, and including a statement of support for a slightly friendlier tone. If you have any questions, please contact me at erica.friedman@alumni.ubc.ca. Thank you.

Angela Fong’s Letter to Evan Crisp